i'm fine

I’m fine. It’s all I seem to say when I can’t explain how I feel.
People seem to forget about the siblings of the loved ones and act as if it hasn’t affected them.
Every night is a struggle. Every night I go through different stages of my emotions.
I’m the oldest, he was only 21yr. I feel that I failed my job of looking after him.
I struggle to sleep. Work distracts me during the day. If I’m not distracted my mind wonders.
I cry. I scream. I get angry. I get confused. I go into denial. I smile. I ache.
But I say I’m fine.

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Hello @LJC, I’m sorry to hear about the death of your brother. I just want to let you know that you’ve been heard. We have an article about Losing a sibling which you might want to take a look at. You may identify with some of the things that are described. You are not alone.

Take care,
Seaneen