My wife of 65 years died last Friday, I am so confused, I can’t sleep in our bed so I catnap in the arm chair, I have a daughter who comes to see if I am OK during the day.
I can’t talk to my friends on the phone I choke up and start crying, this bereavement is so painful, people say you will get over it and it won’t always hurt like this, but I still have to get through every day and all night.
Please give me some advise.
Colin
1 Like
Hello colin my wife of 49 years died last july it took probably 10 t 12 weeks before i could talk on the phone with out breaking down it doesn’t seem to get easier but we all learn to cope better, i still have daily tears & feel i cant go on ,look after yourself Pat
Hi Pat, Thank you so much for your reply, I know I have to get better so I can talk to my friends, perhaps after a while it will.
Bye Pat,
regards Colin
Colin the biggest problem is that friends & family don’t know what to say to us as they seem to be afraid of saying the wrong things but saying anything is better than avoiding us, the trouble is until you have been in our position it is impossible to understand how we feel, keep strong this website really helps make us realise how many other people are struggling as well and that we really are quite normal, Pat
Thanks again Pat.
I think night time is the worst for me when everything is quiet, and my mind starts thinking too many dark thoughts and missing my June so much
Speak again soon.
Regards Colin
Dear Colin
I agree the evenings and night are just terrible. I just sit in silence looking across to where my husband would sit and it is just heartbreaking. My husband was killed in a road traffic accident. The first few months I would lie awake wondering about his last moments. These occasions have lessened but are always there in the back of my mind. Our son lives local but daughter lives in the South East. They stay in touch, but am now down to just three other people who stay in regular contact.
I had been with my husband for 42 years (and married for 38 years). We met at work when he was an apprentice aged 17 and I was a secretary just turned 18. I was always happy to just go out for drinks and meals with my husband. He sometimes used to joke that I would be an unhappy old woman. The reality is I only needed him, no one else. If I have to spend the remainder of my life alone then so be it, no one can give me the life that we had planned and I so desperately want back. I just hope that I am reunited with my husband sooner rather than later.
Sorry you find yourself on this same journey. You and June were together so long my husband and I aspired to have a marriage that lasted as long as yours. I can understand the pain that you are feeling. Please take care.
Sheila
1 Like
Sheila, so sorry for your lose, and the sorrow we are living now, I just don’t know what to do, I can’t talk about June without breaking down. She was always there for me whatever my problem she could sort me out. In the evenings I just kind of wander round the house missing everything about her, I will be able to sleep in our bed sometime but I couldn’t bear to put my arm out and she’s not there, here I go again getting all emotional, sorry.
My daughter came today and cooked a dinner for us, but when she goes home it will all start again wandering
1 Like
No need to apologise. Grief hits us in waves, lulls us into a false sense of security then creeps up and hits us slap bang. I am glad that your daughter has been able to come round and cook for you. I have not ate properly since loosing my husband. I only have what could be described as a decent meal when my son visits with the grandson and I can make them both a ‘proper’ dinner. Like you say it is the emptiness of the house especially when we are alone. I do not like to return home to the silence. At first left the TV on but now the lighter nights are here that is not an option, so I suffer.
Despite the tears that come please do continue to speak about your wife, June. The same happens to me but I just do not want people to forget my husband.
Take care.
Sheila
connor
Everyone on this site understands your grief, I am nearly 7 weeks since my partner left me after we contacted covid.
The advice I took was to take one day at a time and get through it any way you can.
I don’t shake or am physically sick any more but i still sob uncontrollably every day.
My GP said the more you love a person the more you will miss and grieve for them.
You were together for such a long time it’s going to hurt and you have my heart felt love.
Keep posting on here and reading the messages as they will help it has been such a comfort to me,
Take care
Hello again Sheila,
My daughter and granddaughter have gone home now, Sheila I only went out in garden to get my washing in and the terrible grieve came over me again I don’t know what to do I do miss her so much, I hope I’m not making you feel sad as well, I can’t ring anyone because I’d choke up again, sorry Sheila I’ll get off, carry on wandering.
Colin
Dear Colin
Do not worry I cry at anything nowadays. I ‘plod’ through each day - probably very similar to your wandering. You will be surrounded by memories of your wife, and yes the tears will flow, but that is because the love you had for each other.
Take care.
Thank you for these kind words,
I wander round see things of June’s then I’m off again crying and yes we did have a good marriage some tears over the years but we had so many laughs, had good holidays we enjoyed them more when we went on our own because we loved our own company, My daughter said Dad make sure you sleep in the bed tonight, I won’t not yet a few more days, I dead the thought of putting my arm out to touch her and she won’t be there, I woke the other evening in the arm chair and I thought she was on the settee of course she was so more tears. take care
Dear Colin
Only you know when it will feel right to sleep in the bed. Just take your time.
My husband and I had some good holidays and good times. At some point - just not sure when that will be - perhaps we can both look back on our memories and smile and share these with our children and grandchildren. Until then take care of yourself.
Sheila
I am 8 months in and feel so incredibly lost and numb everyday, I think we need to be kinder to ourselves, my new moto is to get up everyday without expectation.
People tell me he wouldn’t want me to be sad, and as has already been said people don’t know what to say so then say nothing, So you end up feeling incredibly lost and alone.
My partner died unexpectedly a week after my 50th. I was able to be with him at the end and have been made to feel I was lucky to do that, even though afterward I sat in a room on my own with a cup of tea. while hospital continued on I remember clearly half an hour later hearing people laughing in the corridor. We lived 1hr1/2 apart at the time as he had taken another job which was supposed to give us more time together. He is a kitchen manager for a large restaurant chain and often went in to problem solve. I so sat for 2 hours while waiting for a friend to pick me up.
I am lucky to have a couple of close friends who check in on me but it becomes awkward if i start to cry as they cant hug me so i find myself crying on my own. my children are 17 and 22 and were very close to him. He is my soul mate and I know they miss him too.
His mm died two week ago she just gave up after he died… He has two sisters so we have all suffered another loss.
In the Jan he had been offered a new job 3o mins away, we had a hole change of life work balance planned and it is all gone.
I really wish he was here, I dont want to be on my own, I know he is always in my heart but its not enough !!!
I’ve just read your post and my heart goes out to you.
You have been through sucralose.
It all seems so unfair and every day is a challenge for us all.
There is no rule book to grief and we have to slowly navigate our way through each day.
I’m relieved when the evening comes and I can go to bed and hideaway.
I’m dreading the lighter evenings x
1 Like
Such a lot
Thank you for your kind words. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 3 years ago and got worse during lockdown and the doctors decided after he fell unexpectedly at the beginning of dec he suddenly needed to go into a home so my mum was told to self isolate for 10 days and within that time had to sort a few things for him then he was put into a home one she hadn’t been able to visit or meet staff fortunately was local and they have been lovely but i’m trying to help my mum who now suddenly has seen her partner of over 50 years separated from her.
I have 2 jobs one in a preschool that is still fully open and means I can only see her outside so im am concerned for her well being too.
I know people have it a lot worse but im really finding it challenging at the moment, especially today .
Hi,
Everyone has their problems and grief can’t be measured.
What you’re feeling today is grim and you feel so low.
There are no direct answers but I feel expressing ourselves on this site can help .
Sometimes just writing it all down can relive a bit of the grief.
Knowing people on this site really understand.
Some days we are stronger than others and can come.
You are having an off day , don’t be too hard in yourself.
X
1 Like
Thank you x , your right this site allows us to share feelings, experiences in a way we cant always do with those who have not suffered such loss. Especially during this pandemic and i am truly grateful to have found it and allowed myself to write rather than just provide support to others x
Hi Sheila,
I had a tearful morning sorting out the funeral arrangements, so that’s all done thanks to my daughter.
Hi Norton, I thought I was doing Ok, I know how you feel I can’t talk long on the phone but I have only been on my own for 5 days, it’s awful today my daughter helped arrange my June’s funeral it was terrible I couldn’t answer question without crying, and now on my own again I feel really sad and lonely again going upstairs looking around doing nothing but looking at my wife’s things, will this hurt ever stop? Luckily we were both 85 so I hope I haven’t got long to live this sad and lonely life