Hi - I have just joined the forum and have been reading lots of posts. They have given me great comfort.
My partner of 24 years died on November 20th 2016 and I am feeling such physical and emotional pain - some days it is agony. I really wish it would stop, but there seems no end to it.
I was her main carer for more than seven years and she suffered a series of increasingly serious and debilitating illnesses during that time. She suffered a second stroke in October 2015 and lost the ability to speak and communicate. She was a Professor of Voice and Speech. It was a living Hell for both of us. There were times when she wanted me to put the pillow over her face. Some mornings she would cry because she hadn’t died in her sleep. There were many times when I wished her suffering was over. It was torture.
But now she’s gone, I am utterly lost and devastated.
I went back to work as soon as I could, but it didn’t really help. I’ve now been struck down with illness and will be off for the next two weeks.
I’m wandering the house in a zombie-like state. I get hungry but then I can’t eat. I’m hardly sleeping and I’m chain-smoking despite having stopped for years.
To make things even worse, I am taking our little pussy-cat to the vet on Thursday. She’s almost 20 years old and has feline dementia. I am dreading it.
I’m going to lose both my girls.
I’ve got to stop now.