I'm new on here

Hi - I have just joined the forum and have been reading lots of posts. They have given me great comfort.

My partner of 24 years died on November 20th 2016 and I am feeling such physical and emotional pain - some days it is agony. I really wish it would stop, but there seems no end to it.

I was her main carer for more than seven years and she suffered a series of increasingly serious and debilitating illnesses during that time. She suffered a second stroke in October 2015 and lost the ability to speak and communicate. She was a Professor of Voice and Speech. It was a living Hell for both of us. There were times when she wanted me to put the pillow over her face. Some mornings she would cry because she hadn’t died in her sleep. There were many times when I wished her suffering was over. It was torture.

But now she’s gone, I am utterly lost and devastated.

I went back to work as soon as I could, but it didn’t really help. I’ve now been struck down with illness and will be off for the next two weeks.

I’m wandering the house in a zombie-like state. I get hungry but then I can’t eat. I’m hardly sleeping and I’m chain-smoking despite having stopped for years.

To make things even worse, I am taking our little pussy-cat to the vet on Thursday. She’s almost 20 years old and has feline dementia. I am dreading it.

I’m going to lose both my girls.

I’ve got to stop now.


Hello Haycups

So, so sorry to hear of your loss and it seems so cruel that your partner was a Professor of Voice and Speech yet she lost her own. I was really only a carer for Helen, my wife, in the last 3 months of her cancer and I know how taken over I felt and how lost since I no longer have her to care for however badly I was doing it. You will know that there are others on this site who will be able to speak to you more caringly and understandably than I know how. Condolences for your cat too, even though you know you are doing the best thing it is so difficult. And I am sure you did the best for your partner too and that she thanked you for it.
You say that sometimes your partner would cry that she hadn’t died in the night, I am haunted by Helen waking on two occasions and asking “Am I dead already?” We are probably all on this site suffering some form of PTSD. No doubt you know about counselling and professional help but if not contact The Community Manager on rhs of this page, and there is Cruse. You are not alone here, take care of yourself.

Thank you Alan - much appreciated.

Hi I’m new too but everyone here is here to support you , sorry for your loss . I know that feeling you describe , you will have so many different emotions but it does settle , time is something that doesn’t matter …you need to go through this at your pace because it was your loved one …

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Thank you for your kind words Dee - I wish it would ease, even a little - I never thought her death would hit me so hard after all the suffering she endured. I should feel relief that it has ended and she is at peace - but I feel such constant pain and despair. I know that time will heal me and that this too shall pass…

It is so up and down isn’t it? Hang in there cos somehow we all will get through this , talk to me anytime x