Morning everyone. I posted back in March about losing my mum quite suddenly in August of 2021. In a matter of 31 days to be precise from diagnosis to her passing. At the moment im finding it hard and im at a loss on who to talk to, i always feel that if i talk about how i feel with my mum especially if its relating to what someones doing that i used to do with my mum. Yesterday i was talking to my cousin and his wife. Theyve booked to go away this weekend with my auntie to bridlington. I couldnt help but feel this overwhelming feeling of pain in my chest followed by frustration and maybe almost an angry feeling. I always used to do that with my mum. She loved Bridlington. Wed book weekends away. Me and my family with her. I have a 1 year old who was born 4 months after my mum passed away. I feel such great sadness i cant just come up to see her with him like i always did with my older boy. Sometimes im okay but then times like now i question how can i cope and manage without her. Im an only child and being pregnant when she died was very hard. Im lucky as i inherited her house with no mortgage i am only 32. However i sit in the garden watching my little one play feeling overwhelmed because i used to do that with my mum and my older boy. My older boy has had help in school. He created a box, he writes notes up to her in heaven and believes she reads them. I saw his box full of notes yesterday. Asking her what heaven is like and why cant she come back my son was 6 when his grandma died. We lived with her for most of his life. I guess im just overwhelmed and i dont know how to manage it. I dont often cry because ive too many people to be strong for. My husbands dad goes into surgery friday for the removal of cancer. 3 months after my mum died my husbands mum was diagnosed with the same cancer and miraculously survived. How is it i lost my mum but my husbands mum and dad ar surviving. I hope that doesnt sound bad. Anyway. Thanks for listening. I honestly dont know where to turn. Ive thought about counseling but speaking face to face with someone i cant do just yet. Over the phone i feel no benefit. I just dont like putting on people emotionally 
xx
@CathK I know how you feel my friends are away on holiday just now with their mum it upsets me that I no longer have that privilege. I was away for a few days at Easter with my son it was really difficult as my mum would have been with us she usually went everywhere with us and my son even said I can just see nana sitting their with her book. He misses her to, he was a nanas boy. Even someone saying they are meeting their mums for coffee I get this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I just had my mum she was a single parent so never had anyone else albeit we do have a big family. I am going for counselling, on the waiting list as thought speaking to friends and family was enough but the doctor who referred me knew mum and as it was sudden and I found her at home thinks it’s maybe what I need to help with my melt downs. Cruse you can call up and just talk to someone, maybe try that a few times to see if it works. You need to do what you feel is best for you. Take care
Valda
I am listening - I share your heart ache. I lost my mum December 2021 she went into hospital and was diagnosed with a rare condition then died unexpectedly 4 weeks later. Up till the end of October she was so fit and well so it was a shock and I couldn’t take it in. I feel so jealous when friends do things with their mums. It must of been so hard for you being pregnant too. You have to focus on your baby so don’t have time to grieve properly I think. My boys were 13 and ten when my mum passed. I find it Hard at 43 losing my mum but I think it must be harder the younger you are. I feel cheated that we should be doing things my friends and family do with their mums. I did not know what I had till it was gone. I haven’t had counselling either as couldn’t face it but don’t feel like I can talk to anyone. I put on a brave face and everyone thinks I am doing so well but underneath you are in bits. Anyway just wanted to say I hope you do ok. It’s just the worst thing losing your mum x