Im really trying

Its been just over 5 months now since my husband passed. Funny how all those people who said anything you need are no longer there… but im ok with that, i figured ive got to do this on my own anyway. Not just for me but for my daughter too. I try not to be sad all the time now, even though some days it comes and knocks the wind right out of you! Ive tried to make some positive steps, ive taken my daughter on the plane for the first time to tenerife, i drove down to our caravan and spent a few weeks here, cleaned it out of my husbands possessions (wasn’t planning on doing that) all the time feeling guilty that he should be here. Will the guilt of living and him being dead ever go away? I can cope with being lonely, and in all honesty its given me time and space to think about my life now, my daughter has lost one parent she is not going to lose me too. I no im never going to be the same anymore the old me has gone. Am i making progress? I dont no. I just no i cant keep going over things, its not going to bring him back… just wish i could feel something close to normal again…


I feel like that and my daughter said you have to do it the way you want you still have all your memories in your mind i do have his photos around and i have his ashes in the bed room with me it has been a year next week for me but feels like yesterday you will get they love sending hugs


I haven’t touched our house yet, i thought maybe starting small would help, sometimes you just cant believe its real can you, i am going to tackle the house at some point when im ready. Im hoping the small steps will move me forward


Sounds to me like you’re doing amazing. I’m 7 months on the 29th, I’ve had some really crap days lately and some really good ones.

I’ll never stop missing him or needing him but life goes on and we have to make the best of what we have.

Most of his clothes are gone, significant clothes have stayed. His bathroom stuff has gone but that’s about it. Everything else is the same.

Normal, what is that? I question whether I should be getting more out of my life now as the only one who can change it is me. However, I’m having a good day! Tomorrow or even this afternoon, I could be in despair and doing sod all lol.

But overall I’m in a better place than the first few months.

I think you’re doing ok and you have a good attitude. That helps.


I do have some very bad days but like you say we have to go on i just wait for the day iam with him

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@Chelle a lovely post and yes you are making progress.

It’s just coming up to 7 months since I lost my partner. Like you I have come to accept I am not the same person I was, and that the the sadness and loneliness I feel inside is here to stay.

I have also accepted that the only person to get me through this is me. I have family and friends (and you find out who are true friends) who support me but ultimately it is me who decides if I sink or swim. And I’m going to swim!!

I look back on what I have achieved over the past few months, I took my daughter to Corfu, had weekend’s away even joined the National Trust so I have somewhere different to go, and amaze myself of what I have done. None of it easy, and I have missed him like crazy but I’ve done it.

So keep going with what you feel is right for you. You’re doing great xx


I’ll pm you as I’m finding it hard to write long messages on my phone


You no, i can deal with losing him its the guilt that eats away at me, he told me to be happy so im trying my best. My daughter deserves that so i tell him every morning… i love you but im not crying today… even though i do sometimes, mostly at night. Thank u all for your positive replies, sometimes thats all we need to face another day x


I understand about the guilt. It’s the ‘what’s my purpose’ that gets me. He did so many amazing things and he made a difference to people every day, he had loads of friends and he old students of his would remember hi fondly when they met years later. He had a life to live.
I don’t get how I’m still here, what’s my purpose, what am I supposed to do in my life that requires me to stay here and not him.
That’s what I’m stuck with and I struggle with it, understanding what my purpose in this life is.

Maybe we just don’t have a purpose (who knows) and it’s simply a case of “sh!t happens” and sadly they were the unlucky ones. I am a very mixed bag… hate religion/god yet slightly spiritual and so feel there is something else.

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I no what my purpose is, to bring my daughter up the way we both wanted. Make sure she turns out ok. Thats all ive got right now, i just keep telling myself ill be ok. And i will live for him now, as thats what he wanted. he wanted us to be happy after he passed, so when i wake up every morning i try. Thats all any of us can do x


You really dont feel as if its real some days ! It feels like some sort of a nightmare :frowning: so many emotions to deal with so just go slow and deal with what you can x

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You are doing really well & moving on.& have come through the worse part of your you l have had the let me know if you need anything crowd.although its better than friends of mine who didnt bother to contact me in the first place.but it has only made me more determined to move on with my its a journey we all have to make on our own.& lets face it. no matter how much support we not going to bring them back to life.sending love & hugs.


Hello Chelle

I read your positive commentary and can really identify, though we had no children there was just the two of us.

For me its been 8 months and 2 weeks since my husband Robin passed. My way of coping has been similar to yours…there are still a mix of good and bad days but I include him in my daily life by speaking to him and telling him what’s happening in my life now this works for me.

I wish you well in every way, especially for those moments when your wind is taken out of your sails…

Take care, best Merle :people_hugging: