I'm so lost

Where do I start …hello everyone … I lost my mum Margaret a week ago , my mum was a very private person who never confided in me that she had a vaginal prolapse 15 yrs ago …so all these years I had no idea , so she was admitted to a & e on 14th October with what we was told was a bowel obstruction .she was in agony with her stomach and waited 10 hrs for an ambulance as she wasn’t deemed ill enough to send one sooner . When she finally was seen by a doctor they noticed this prolapse and automatically assumed this was the cause of pain so bowel was forgotten …she was admitted to North Manchester who still treated her for the prolapse not the bowel …they inserted a ring to put the prolapse back in which made my mum a million times worse …day later her bowel burst and she ended up with a stoma bag …from that day on until the day she died my mum completely gave up it was a stranger in that bed not my mum…I sat for hours with her for nearly 3 weeks but she just would not do anything to help herself as the doctors said the op was a success there was no reason she couldn’t get better and live a normal albeit different life with the stoma. So because she refused to get out of bed her chest got worse and worse …till she deteriated suddenly overnight and I was called to the hospital where she died 3 hrs later …from Covid pneumatitis !! Could have knocked me down …how did that happen ? She was a very difficult women who would never let anyone help her , comfort her even when my dad died …all stemmed from a very difficult childhood …, I can’t believe I’m never going to see her again , I have always been there even when there was all the rage and anger rom losing dad she took out on me …I still took it because she was my mum and the last couple of months she sort of made peace with everything …and things were much better but now she has gone and I’m so lost :broken_heart: she was my mum and no matter what I loved her so much regardless of how she was with me , I take comfort in that she is with Dad now as I know she always wanted to be with him and hated being here without him …I’m going through the motions at the moment I’m so frightened now I have never been this frightened before… I’m nearly 50 ! Everything seems pointless now and I have my amazing kids and partner but I’m really struggling to go on with out her …I feel cheated as I can’t take care of her anymore like I promised my dad I would x

Thanku for letting get that off my chest x


Dear Sarah, bless your heart you are going through so much turmoil right now and I hear that in your post. I am so sorry that you are faced with this but you have landed at the right place here as I am sure you will get some wonderful words of wisdom.
I am here because I lost my husband recently so I’m not quite sure what to say so I’m sending you big hug as you come to terms with your loss
Jen x

Dear Sarah. Your dad will now be taking care of your mum. It is now time for you to be with your family and take care of each other. Sending hugs x

Thankyou so much for your kind words .I know they are together now …it was such a shock to lose her when I thought she would get better …I have my family for support me and I know deep down I can get through this …it is just going take time .I’m so glad I found this site as i know there are people who are feeling the same as me and somehow we can help each other x thankyou again for your replies x

Dear Sarah
I totally understand how you feel. I lost my dear Mum 4 yrs ago now and I still miss her terribly.
It does get easier to bear as the years go by but they are always in your heart.
Life is tough and cruel as I have just lost my husband 4 wks ago and the pain and sadness is happening all over again.

Keep going, we are all with you and expressing your feelings and thoughts here really helps. I wish we could meet to have a chat.
Love to you and look after yourself xx