Where do I start …hello everyone … I lost my mum Margaret a week ago , my mum was a very private person who never confided in me that she had a vaginal prolapse 15 yrs ago …so all these years I had no idea , so she was admitted to a & e on 14th October with what we was told was a bowel obstruction .she was in agony with her stomach and waited 10 hrs for an ambulance as she wasn’t deemed ill enough to send one sooner . When she finally was seen by a doctor they noticed this prolapse and automatically assumed this was the cause of pain so bowel was forgotten …she was admitted to North Manchester who still treated her for the prolapse not the bowel …they inserted a ring to put the prolapse back in which made my mum a million times worse …day later her bowel burst and she ended up with a stoma bag …from that day on until the day she died my mum completely gave up it was a stranger in that bed not my mum…I sat for hours with her for nearly 3 weeks but she just would not do anything to help herself as the doctors said the op was a success there was no reason she couldn’t get better and live a normal albeit different life with the stoma. So because she refused to get out of bed her chest got worse and worse …till she deteriated suddenly overnight and I was called to the hospital where she died 3 hrs later …from Covid pneumatitis !! Could have knocked me down …how did that happen ? She was a very difficult women who would never let anyone help her , comfort her even when my dad died …all stemmed from a very difficult childhood …, I can’t believe I’m never going to see her again , I have always been there even when there was all the rage and anger rom losing dad she took out on me …I still took it because she was my mum and the last couple of months she sort of made peace with everything …and things were much better but now she has gone and I’m so lost 
she was my mum and no matter what I loved her so much regardless of how she was with me , I take comfort in that she is with Dad now as I know she always wanted to be with him and hated being here without him …I’m going through the motions at the moment I’m so frightened now I have never been this frightened before… I’m nearly 50 ! Everything seems pointless now and I have my amazing kids and partner but I’m really struggling to go on with out her …I feel cheated as I can’t take care of her anymore like I promised my dad I would x
Thanku for letting get that off my chest x
Sarah