Im struggling, i miss them all SOO MUCH , REALLY HURTING!

In 2017, My Mother passed away , this was very hard as i had to deal with the complicated probate she left, now i have shared things with my brother and he agreed to everything, he’s now not talking to me as he says he didn’t agree to everything, but he did as he was staying with e at the time, Anyhow he’s now used his half, and moved a long way away ! i don’t know where he is ,don’t really care anymore !
In 2020 My love of my life passed away in May, not with the virus , but his best friend had just passed away the week before as his best mate had just lost his girlfriend, and he couldn’t take life without her, We both knew his best friend and gf really well, and then just after i heard those three had gone forever from my life, i learned another mutual good friend of ours had passed away !!! I hadn’t even been able to process the loss of the love of my life ( 30 yrs together, on and off) ! My late partner and i had split the year before as his son was coming to stay with him, and although i had helped to bring him up , we had fallen out big time , as the only reason he wanted to stay with his father was because of a woman his son was seeing, not because he wanted to help his father who wasn’t that well! Any how, it wasn’t his son who told me my Philip had passed, it was another mutual friend , I was so devastated I did hit the bottle for a good few months, I didn’t want to live anymore , My life had just ground to a halt ! Then early in 2021 i lost another really dear close friend in a house fire, which was tragic as id only just spoken to her the night before . Then later in 2021 another older friend passed, and that was unexpected and very sad! Now about a week ago , our beautiful trusty, loyal, clever family member our beautiful Dog, passed away very suddenly with a cough, that the vet didn’t do enough for, H e passed away in my arms,!! The experience was horrible and totally broke me and my son, as it was really his dog, but the family dog, if you get my meaning. I absolutely adored that beautiful soul ( a staffy ) he helped me when i had my hips replaced, he used to press me up against the wall and help me up stairs, then hed fetch things for me as i couldn’t move far… He also used to put himself in the kitchen if i had to nip to the shops, and he had a sense of humour, he used to hide my keys if he didn’t want me to go out, and he would grin at me as if to say,you find them, its going to make you late and you can spend more time with me ! My Son and i adored him. We used to buy him heaps of Christmas presents as he loved to open them, now there will be nothing like that. He s gone to Doggie heaven, and i don’t want another dog as nothing could equal his brilliant personality …NOTHING ! Getting another dog would be like violating his memory ,as he left memories in every part of the house . I have nothing to care for now! My son helps me when he gets home from work, but my life is soo empty now. My daughter stopped talking to me when i wouldn’t lend her any money after my inheritance, but I’ve only just about got enough money to buy a house myself, and my Son is dyspraxic, so he needs the help, My daughter is with a partner , they have a baby boy now 3, in Sept, but she wont let me see my grandson anymore, so I feel i don’t want to help her because she been so nasty to me , and i don’t deserve this ! I am struggling soo hard to be there for my Son, but i am just soo empty !!! I’m having counselling but even talking about all this doesn’t feel like its helping. My life with my partner was fun for the most part, until his accident , and then things went down hill , but Now i don’t go out, I’ve got bad mobility probs so only go to the shop at the end of my road … Life after lockdown seems stuck in lockdown , I’ve got very few friends left , and the ones i have only talk on the phone . Ive become a total recluse, and i don’t care about myself anymore !!! I thought about seeing a ‘Medium’ but I’m so sceptical that they are sharlatons ! I don’t KNW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF, IVE NOTHING TO CARE FOR, DONT CARE ABOUT MYSELF ANYMORE, Does anyone else feel like this ? Life after losing our loyal Doggie has now lost all meaning !!!

Dear @Astroscopesuk

Welcome to the Community. You have been through alot since 2017 and not had time to grieve after each sad loss.

You are special and have a purpose in life and the loss of your dog has drained you of all your emotions. There is only such much we can take emotionally.

Have you considered booking an appointment with your GP to get support and express how you are feeling? You are running on empty and need help and support.

For a change could you face time your friends or have a chat online through zoom with them instead of talking on the phone?

Some times it does help to talk and I would like to signpost you to the Samaritans who can be contacted on 116 123 for free and another organisation Shout who have a text service on 85258 and like the Samaritans are available 24/7.

Please continue to reach out here. You are not alone. We are here to support you and if you would like further information please email online.community@sueryder.org

Take care.

Pepsi

I am having councelling. but councellors only give 6 sessions and think that will cure you, fortunately my lovely councellor is giving me one more, but after all the loss ive had, she said she didnt have any answers!!! I too dont have any answers to why i lost so many at once,and now it seems im losing the last souls that are the closest too me. Its so hard. I was trying to buy the house where im living, but its too painfull now , as every room everywhere in the house has memories. I am not a great one for getting out, as im quite disabled now , through illness , and the only reason i dont want to move is i think it may kill me. I dont know what to do with myself anymore . Im past caring, the only reason im trying to buy the house is for my son to have somewhere safe and secure !