Just sitting in the living room, tv on, mug of tea in my hand when I started focusing on the dresser complete with 3 photo framed photos of my dogs ( their ashes containers at the side of them) I have placed Richard framed photo near to his favourite dog ( although as I had mentioned before, Richard would say all three were just as much his favourites…) when I started off crying again saying to Richard " I am now the only one left…" who is going to see me off, bury-cremate me…? I always assumed this would be Richard, I had often brought this up in discussion that I want him to promise me the dogs ashes get scattered with mine, now he is gone, not his fault, he would have kept to his promise…Whenever I look at all photos side by side, it is as if they are all looking at me…I feel so guilty that I am still here and they have all gone, one day it will be my turn, I am all by myself now…Yes i look back, I once had a life, a good life…a life I so took for granted…
Jackie…
Dear Jackie
We all look back on the lives we had - and are all fearful of the future. And yes we all take things for granted. Never in a million years did I think I would lose Gary so suddenly at 60 - I have to come to terms with that still.
Please take care, we will do whatever we can through these forums. If you would like a proper chat then I am very happy to talk. Private message me your phone number - or I can send you mine and we could speak later if you would like that .
Trisha xx
Jackie, my heart always goes out to you. I think about you often. Firstly if you have wishes re ashes then make a will and state what you want.
You obviously feel so lost and alone, which of course we all do, but you have the added worry of your health and limited mobility. Eventually when your ready you will have to think carefully about your future. I’m not sure but is there still warden assisted homes/flats. This might be an option for you. Have you now got a buzzer you can push to get assistance. I’m afraid I’m not very experienced about this but do know people that wear them and can get help if needed. If you want to move back to your previous area then try contacting (or get someone to do it for you) the Council to see if there is some help for someone with your health problems. Have you a relative that can help that lives in the area where you used to live. I know someone who lost her husband and lived miles away from her family. She applied to the local Council of her families area and was immediately offered a place near them. Worth a try. So much to take in I know but you do need to take care of yourself and worrying is not going to help your health.
You look back at the life you loved but now you have to look forward to make sure you get the help you need to make your life comfortable.
Take care Pat xxx
Pat…
… I have been thinking about this as whether to head back towards home when all this solicitor business is over but it might not be wise for me to do this now…I cant publicly go into details as something has recently happened this last week that is making me think this maybe not a wise thing to do under the circumstances, oh nothing to do with me just a close family member situation…This week especially has been a very bad week…I thought I might have been going to another funeral and I was the last person to talk with this person over the phone…Sorry I know this is not making much sense as I have left out all the details…Just somebody hasn’t changed, seems like the last 35 years have never existed…
Jackie…
Me and Richard made an identicle will soon after we moved into our previous home, our house in Bedfordshire we had not long gotten engaged…The only thing I will need to add is that I want my 3 dogs ashes scattered with mine…I would like this done somewhere back home, Bedfordshire or Hertfordshire, although Bedfordshire holds the most memories of places I took the dogs…
Jackie so sorry your having a bad week, you can well do without anything else to have to worry about. I do hope things sort themselves out for you. However please remember to worry about yourself and not others if you can manage this.
Please take care of yourself Pat xxx
Pat…
…thank you, yes selfish it may sound but I am at an age and an illness that I must put myself first if I want to survive that is…I have always said, and I said it to Richard, that life is the art of survival…survival of the fittest…Well my Richard thought he too was doing all the right things…
Jackie…