Impatient partner

My mum passed in September and whilst to me this feels like no time at all, I think to my partner time moves differently. He has been so supportive about all the “big things” - funeral, tears, etc., but doesn’t make allowances for the little things. He’s very much a neat freak and recently I find I absentmindedly leave things in the sink or a cup on the side without thinking and he just gets furious. I’ve always been less tidy than him, but lately I really feel like he could give me a break, but he obviously thinks it’s a few months now so there’s no allowance. My moods are so delicate right now - I just want to phone my mum all the time - and I find him snapping at me just pushes me further into a lonely sadness. I just wondered if anyone else had similar experiences?

Dear Elizabeth-An,
My mum also died in September. The year before that I lost my father. I recognise what you write about delicate moods and wanting to phone your mum. My husband has been very supportive in practical ways. Often I feel too tired to cook and he will make a meal for us for example. What I miss is emotional support from him. I think for a son-in-law it is different than for us as daughters. Our mothers have been there since we were born, and the bond we have with them is very strong. The loss we feel is hard to explain and if your husband is like mine he will probably not talk much about feelings. It’s sad that your husband snaps at you when you really need him to be there for you. Are you able to tell him how you feel?
Time for me seemed to stand still, first after my dad died, and then again when my mum died. I think for people around us life goes on as normal very quickly, and in my experience very few people ask how you are doing after the first few weeks.This sort of made me think that grief should only last for a short period. It is only when I started to read posts on sites like this that I discovered that grief is not something that stops after a few weeks or months. People just don’t talk about it unless they meet other people who have lost a loved one. I have recently joined a local bereavement support group and find it very helpful. Sometimes it’s easier to talk with a stranger about your deepest feelings because they understand how if feels.
I hope that you will get losts of helpful responses. Love and hugs, Jo

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