Hi,
I feel your pain, I lost my mum three mo the ago and my world has stopped. I don’t have kids so no one to force myself to make an effort for, which I think would help, so you are blessed to have them as I am sure even if they make you lose your temper they also give you lots of comfort. I know how painful every waking moment is and I know exactly how you feel about missing her and wishing you could speak and hug her. I can hear my mum’s voice in my head and I know she would tell me not to torture myself, she would say ‘You’ve got to give yourself a shake.’ I know she wouldn’t want me to be in so much pain and I am sure your mum would feel the same way. I am going to a yoga and spiritual retreat in Mexico for a month and hope so much it will help me but even getting on the plane seems impossible just now but I know I have to do it, I have to give myself a shake. I hope you find a way to feel better and cope, maybe a yoga or meditation class would help or finding a local bereavement group that meet regularly so you can talk to people who are going through the same?
Hugs,
Louise
Louise,
I hope that you will have a relaxing time in Mexico.
Thank you Rebecca.
Thank you Rebecca.
Hi Louise,
I’m so sorry for your loss and hope that Mexico helps.
It’s been a little over a year since I lost my mum now. It’s passed in a blur. I miss my mum as much now as at the start. I still cry but less often. My feelings tend to build then come out in a flood.
Take things day by day and be kind to yourself. I found taking time out to be alone with my thoughts helped as I didn’t have to hold things in. Some days are worse than others but you’ll begin to heal slowly. I feel I’m still trying to come to terms with her not being here. I miss talking to her and hugs. I think it will always be that way. Some how though we carry on.
Take care. Here if you need to talk.
Tracy
Xx
Hi Tracy,
Thank you for your message. I think the passing of time just eases the shock of losing them but will never ease the feeling of missing them. But as you say, just need to get used to it and find a way to carry on because what else to do? I hope I can find some strength to move on from this dreadful stage.
Best wishes,
Louise
Hi all
I lost my mum on Dec 18th 2016. She had kidney cancer diagnosed as stage 4 in 2013 and treatments had worked for a while and helped & then things just stopped working. She rapidly deteriorated and we were planning a last Xmas with our family, but nobody really thought she’d go so fast as she was relatively strong and pretty well. I feel totally at sea some days and others, after a crazy day at work, the first thing I do is try calling her. Some days I feel like I’m completely broken, other days I feel guilty for not crying and like she’s still here. My daughter just started walking and I would have loved mum to see it. I have no idea how my stories will ever do her justice. I miss her smile and talking to her so, so much. If I let myself really think about it I fall apart so I try and keep busy and avoid that so I’m not sure I’m coping very well. I’d love a person to talk face to face to and wondered if anyone could recommend a grief counsellor. Thank you so much, kate x
Hi Kps, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your mum. I’m glad that you’ve found this online community, and I hope it helps a little to be able to share your feelings here. You aren’t alone on this site, and you will see that many other users are experiencing the same emotions.
You mentioned that you are looking for some face-to-face support, so I have a few suggestions you could try.
- Did your mum get any care from a hospice? If so, they will normally be able to offer you some bereavement support.
- Cruse Bereavement offers one-to-one support with trained volunteers
- You can make an appointment with your GP and asked to be referred to counselling or bereavement support in your local area
- If you are looking for private counselling, you can search for a counsellor here: http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/
I think I’m much older than most of you. Mum was 87 when she passed suddenly & unexpectedly. She had met her first great grandchild, my grandson, a month before. We had a somewhat strained relationship, but I talked 2 or 3 times a week on the phone. Her death cert said "Old Age’, which is unusual in these post Shipman times. Three months and a week in, and I’m still shattered in pieces. My husband is great, really supportive, but he can’t quite understand why I’m so devastated. I think part of it is that Mum really wouldn’t allow me to express grief at my Dad’s death 2 years before, and I think I channeled a lot of that into caring and concern for her. Now she’s gone, its as if I’d lost them both in one fell swoop. I’m tired of weeping. I’m drinking too much. Having to sort out her affairs has been much more difficult than I’d imagined, but she was a tad ‘creative’ in her approach to paperwork.
Hello sarah
I feel so identified with your post. I’m 30 and my mum passed away 4 months ago when she was 61. She was disgnosed with cancer in June last year and in the space of months she was gone. I also lost my dad three years ago. I totally feel like there’s so many things I would like to tell her and I can’t, and that she would be the only one person in this world to help me through this but she is not here anymore. I also feel the same way, that moment in which you actually realise she is gone and never will come back and I just feel so powerless and frustated because Icannot do anything about it.
I’m having one of my worst days in a long time and just found this website and forum. It helps to know there is other people in the same situation although I would really love that neither of us had to be…
Hi Julia
Late coming into this discussion but just saw your post with your Memories of Mum book. Thank you, what a lovely idea, I am going to start one today. I have been thinking about doing something like that for a while, jotting down my thoughts. A friend suggested doing it and getting some of my negative thoughts out of my system - problems with family etc - but your idea is much nicer, happy memories of things done together.
Mum and I were great fans of the ‘adult’ colouring books that are so popular at the moment. I have one which is combined with a notebook so now have a proper use for it!
I hope others on this forum are having a reasonable day. Mine has been a bit up and down, sitting having lunch thinking I don’t feel so bad today and then an hour later fighting not to cry on the bus home.
Mel