In Pain

My June pased 7 weeks ago tonight.

I hurt so bad. i don’t kno what to do. I’m shouting her name, them sobbing. I thought I was doing ok. I’m not.

It just hurts

Dear Dave
I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. We are all connected, albeit in the worst way. I saw your post and knew that I had to reply because I recognise how you feel and my heart is filled with empathy and care for you. June must have been one hell of a woman, and how lucky she is to be loved so dearly and passionately by you. Reading many posts on this forum I realise that there are no quick fixes. But… people have and are surviving this crushing pain. That to me is hope. It is Hope that life will be ok enough (eventually) to find small moments of joy and peace away from this pain.
It’s ok to cry and plead, I know I’ve certainly felt that too. I’ve sobbed and sobbed until I’m empty, and until all that is left to do is wait for the waves of exhaustion to eventually allow me some respite in sleep.
Are you taking care of yourself - sleeping, eating, light exercise, opening up to friends and family?
Please keep talking
We are all here for you.

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Dear Dave. We are all here for you on this site. Grief is the loneliest road to travel and no ones grief is the same. In the past I have cried so hard I felt sick. The physical and emotional pain of losing a loved one is exhausting But don’t bottle it up, tell people how you feel. Tell us on this site. I went for counselling for a while. I always thought that sort of thing was for other people. I am very grateful that I found a lady who I could connect with, to talk through how my husband died. She helped me to view things in a different way and I am beginning to feel more at peace. People kept saying to me “be kind to yourself “. I never knew what they meant but now I think that means that you have to accept that you need time. Grief is not like a cold, where you get better’ after a couple of weeks. It’s like a series of waves, you think you are feeling a little better, you have a good day or two and suddenly there is a trigger and you come crashing down.

Thankyou all. I understand the waves, I’m experiencing those… out of no-where I just feel consumed by a wave of, of I don’t know what, just hurt.
i find it very hard to talk aboutmy June without tears, hurt and breathlessness. I have felt sick, an exhausted, and angry. I will do councelling, but not just yet, I’m not ready to see beyond where I am now. I love June and I don’t want anything/one to do anything to diminish that - sorry if that sounds like I don’t respect what people are going though, last thing I mean. Evereyone of us is in the same place but we all experience this event differently - I think that I need to be here, hurting - sory, I am a depresive by nature - I just feel so lost

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Yes Dave, you do need to be here hurting. If you feel any sort of depression when you have those awful down days come back and talk.
Have you seen your GP? It’s always a good idea even if you don’t want medication. They can maybe point you in the direction of help.
With respect, this is the time you do need counselling. If you leave it the pain can go on building. I suggest you get your name down on a waiting list. By the time an appointment comes up you may be more inclined to seek help. I am not for one moment minimising your pain, God I do know.
These ‘waves’ we talk about can be triggered by anything and when we least expect it. A sight, a sound even a smell can do it. We are so sensitive and vulnerable. An open wound describes it well. If you tend to depression of course that does not help. It’s why seeing your GP is so important.
We do all do this thing differently, and it’s why so many think they are going crazy when they don’t seem to ‘conform’ to what is expected of them. No rules or methods apply. Time is of no consequence either. It may be years after when something reminds us and grief can appear again.
Take it as easy as you can. John.

Dave it’s so hard. 10 weeks tonight I lost my girl and every Thursday is harder for me and so painful.
It’s that rollacoasta that we are on unfortunately💔

Thank you. I am on a waiting list for counselling, I need all the help I can get.

We are all here because of that dreadful event. I so appreciate the way this community reaches out to each other. I try to do the same, but sometimes it’s easier just to read.

Thanks you again, it does make a difference.

Jaye, I know it’s so hard for you, especially as those meant to help us let your Allison down just when she needed them. The medical people were fantastic for June so what you’re suffering I can’t imagine.

My June was taken to hospital on a Friday, and died the next Wednesday without regaining conciousness, so Friday is the day for me.

Dear Dave
I never thought I would say this, but I understand your pain. Its been 4 weeks since my wonderful husband, 26 years married, went out for a cycle, suffered a heart attack and never came back. It hurts like a pain you’ve never experienced before and its hard to describe it to anyone not suffering from grief. I am in pain every day and feel like someone has punched me and I am constantly catching my breath. There is no word in the English language to describe the pain and when anyone asks how I am I can only say “fine”, I can’t think of any reply anyone would want to hear. Yes, I cry every day, shout at his photo, sob and plead and for a few moments it brings relief but the reason I replied to this post is to let you know that on this site you are not alone and I have felt some comfort in reading other people’s advice. It’s early days in the grieving process so I can’t really offer any advice other than I understand what you are going through and hope that you have a good support network to help you through this.

Be careful sayin “I’m fine” - in the phycoanalytical world it means "F(*&^d-up Insecure Neurotic Emotional.

I thiank many of us here are FINE

Sorry, I kike black humour


It may be black humour Dave, but you have a point. When asked how I am doing I just say ether ‘not too bad’ or ‘bloody awful’. Why mince words. They asked and got the true reply. Being outspoken and saying the truth may make some realise how painful it all is. Best wishes. John.

Thank you John, mostly when people ask i say I’m not having a good day today and they kinda understand that I don’t want to say much. As we all know, every day is not a good day

Take care of yourself

Had a lovely evening with girl friends When one of the husbands arrived to collect his wife. After they all left I just wept. The realisation that I will never be collected again. A friend thanked me later in a text and said I was ‘so resilient’ . If only they really knew. I don’t think thy know me at all .