Indescribable pain of loss

Hello all i have been reading this forum for a while be asue i needed to know i was not alone. I am at the hospice now and my husband my soulmate and love of my life is in his final hours. I cannot describe the feeling . It is beyond anything i have ever experienced and I am terrified. My whole body feels sick i feel in permenant panic and cannot bear the thought i will be going home without him sometime soon.

How do I survive this. It feels unsurvivable.

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Thinking of you, lots of love and hugs x

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Aww Pricilla,I was with my husband in his final hours 2 weeks ago,it’s absolutely horrific, heartbreaking nobody should have to go through this,I have his funeral next week, sat here now on my own wondering how to get through this,married 51yrs., keep talking on this forum I didn’t realise how many people are going through this,I’m sending you love and hugs

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Hi Pricilla
Breath and take in the moment sit hold his hand hug him hold him and cherish every moment. It may not seem like you can as your thoughts are all over the place as of this moment.
Just be in the moment.

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Thankyou all. I am with him every second and counting every breath. It is such a surreal experience . Sometimes beautiful and sometimes so overwhelming i cant breathe. Thankyou for all your support right now. It means so much x

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@Pricilla
Thinking of you Pricilla . I was with my mum when she passed . Hold your husband’s hand , tell him you love him , kiss him ( that’s what i did for my mum ) . Sending you hugs , love and strength .
Love Angie xx

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There are no words that can begin to help you. I’ve been there I know exactly how you are feeling, it’s shut s…t.

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Hi Priscilla,
We wife died a month ago,it was just me and her at the end.
There’s nothing I can say, maybe.

I wasn’t able to say all I wanted ,I couldn’t get the words out.
But I found different words.
It’s all about being kind to yourself in the aftermath. Treating yourself they way he would or the way he would want you to.

I also call it -the false clarity of hindsight. The tendency to go over things you didn’t say,could have said,could have done.
So think of “past priscilla” she did her best at the time and forgive her.
For me,it’s finding tricks to release these intense thoughts. Even though I fail a lot,fall over,that’s OK.
It doesn’t really hit you till after. Just get as much help as you can. You don’t always realise, as I didn’t.

I’m sorry you’re going through this this.

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Thankyou all so much for sharing your experiences. We are still here moving now into day 4. It is torture . I cant understand how he is still here and how he continues to survive. He hasnt been concious for 3 days now Is this the experience of others?

Part of me is so grateful for the extra time…we moved his bed into the sunshine yesterday which he would have loved and sat together the whole morning listening to the birds and squirrels. I hope he could feel the warmth and hear the sounds.

But nevertheless it is torture to watch and every breath change my heart wrenches and more time to torture myself on right or wrong decisions and replay the detail of how we got here. I know i need to stop doing this but its hard not to.

Thank you for being there all of you . It makes a big difference.

X

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Hi Pricilla
Its surprising where they and us get our strength. We hang onto every breath they take. Will this be it. From my experience his breathing became slower more laboured more space in between each breath. At times near the very end it seemed as if he had taken his last breath. This continued for many hours.
When it comes we hope we are prepared.
Partly for me wanting it but at the same time not wanting it.
It is such an emotiinal setting.
It sounded like sitting in the sunshine was a lovely memory to cherish.

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Pricilla, i feel your pain, just be there, hold his hand, tell him you love him, sing to him (if he has a favourite song) it will help you cope, it’s a desperately sad time when you know they are going, but just being there for him will help you, i was with my wife when she passed away peacefully, it was really sad but i was glad i was there for her, holding her hand and kissing her goodbye, i am praying for you in the hope it gives you strength x

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Thankyou all for your kind words. My darling sweetheart and soulmate passed away in the early hours of this morning. It was peaceful but unreal and i can’t get my head round it. I cant describe how I feel… like im falling.
I hope to take strength from you all in the coming days and weeks
X

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Bless you Pricilla,it’s my husbands funeral today,just wanted to send loving thoughts to you x

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Dear Pricilla, You are doing all you can and like so many of us having gone through this unreal experience we all know where you’re coming from. For me sitting quietly with Pete in the hospice I wanted him to stay but wanted him to be released as he had had enough. It’s said that their hearings the last thing to go so just tell him how special he was. Sorry I can’t help you more but I am with you in spirit as I’m sure are others.
Love and light Jenny X

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My darling Valerie refused food and fluids a few days before passing of Cancer.
She then went unconscious and started deep, gasping, noisy breathing.
This was most distressing and I think is was traumatic for me.
I was her full time carer and she was alone with me at home.
I was not prepared for how she passed.
I wish someone would have told me.

Valerie passed away 3 days later, on her 69th Birthday.

I have major issues thinking of the way she passed, difficult to think of my lovely wife going though that.

The Funeral people said “so she passed peacefully”, I said “she certainly did NOT”.

I’m so sad.

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Yes I had a similar experience, my husband died horrifically from cancer and all we could do was watch and now I worry of the effect on my two sons as it definitely affects our grief, it’s all I could remember in those first weeks but now thankfully I am having other memories too, I don’t say too much to friends and family as they only want to hear that it was peaceful and I know that he is at peace now and no longer suffering hugs to everyone on this dreadful road xx

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Pricilla , i am so sorry for your loss . Sending you much love and strength.
Angie x

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I went through this with my daughter, it traumatises you. Still feel numb 9 months on. Sending hugs x

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Pricilla, sincerest condolences to you on the passing of your dear husband, believe me when i say, i know just how you must be feeling right now, numb, lost, and desperately heartbroken. Keep in mind that all of us on this forum know what you are going through and we are here to support you, you are never alone, sending love and best wishes, look after yourself, that’s what is most important right now x

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My heartfelt sympathy for the loss of your husband, darling sweetheart and soulmate.

Take care.

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