I feel your pain Mickeyboy31, it’s a horrendous feeling, i never thought that grieving could be such a crushing thing to go through, but it is, i go over things constantly in my mind, could i have done more to help her, why did it have to be her, why not me, the thoughts go on and on and it’s like a torture, i know in my mind that i did my best to make her last months as comfortable as i possibly could and Eileen was always so grateful for everything i did for her, i just kept telling her, your my wife, i love you more than you will ever know and i would do anything for you, the worst thing of all was seeing her in pain and watching her gradual decline and her getting weaker and weaker, it was heartbreaking, this is why i think i will never get over losing her, she didn’t deserve to go what she went through those final few months and her passing away in front of my eyes will live me forever.
This is exactly my story,almost word for word.I could written this myself but you have done it for me.I am lost,shattered,devastated,life is worthless now.Cancer has ruined so many lives,why oh why cannot it be beaten.
So here we go again,another day begins without her,the one who makes the sun shine.The reason we are here.Every morning it just seems so unreal that she is no longer around the house.I would make the first cup of tea each morning ,she would smile and no nothing,empty house.She was not here for the last 8 weeks ,hospital and hospice,spent so many hours with her telling her how much she meant to me,how much I loved her,cuddling and kissing her all day and then came that final day that she slipped away right there in front of me ,my life ended there as well. Michael.
I’ve been awake all night writing my Eulogy for my Partners funeral which is on Tuesday. I’ve only had one meal in nearly three weeks, I know I have to eat but I can’t! I know it’s a psychological problem… Food make you feel better but I don’t want to feel better because then I’ll feel guilty, I feel guilty about everything… Sleeping, working, talking about anything apart from my Partner, doing normal stuff, I can’t do anything normal and don’t want to
I know exactly how you feel,I could not eat for ages still only nibble now lost over a stone already,everything is a chore,her garden needs work but I cannot do it will have to get help,it is 100 feet long by 65 feet wide,too much for me but childs play for her.I do not want to be normal again,for what,the one I loved for 32 years has gone for ever.Michael.
I know that feeling. My husbands funeral was on Monday. I wake up every morning thinking was it a dream is he gonna come in with a cuppa for me any minute.
The pain and hurt is awful. Will I ever feel better.
Not sure if we will ever feel better,the way I feel at the moment the answer would be no.I have the same sick feeling every morning,the pain of realising that you are alone in this house that you shared with the one person who made your whole life worth while.I lost my darling Judith 5 weeks ago ,the funeral was 2 weeks ago ,I still feel numb,dead inside,unable to function properly,totally incomplete.This new life is not what I want or need.Michael.
I know that feeling well. The home suddenly becomes a house. Just somewhere to hide away from the world. Keep looking at photos and my insides just somersault.
I feel I will never function properly again I signed of work til end of November doubt I’ll be feeling like work by then. My head all over the place.
Thought I would do some housework as it all looks such a mess big mistake, dusting is the worst thing ever every ornament, photo even furniture brings back memories it’s all so connected to us, our lives as a couple forty three years of building our home and now it’s just a mausoleum, a massive burden on my own, too much to cope with so now I’m going to bed hugs to everyone xx
Me too ,I agree with all you have said,head all over the place,stomach doing somersaults,I feel like I am incomplete without my darling Judith by my side.Michael.
Priscilla
It’s horrendous my lovely its normal to feel all these things… just keep talking to him and kissing him tell him you love him… its the hardest thing ever…
Virtual hug coming your way…
We all need the hugs thank you.Michael.
I have changed very little to the living room where we sat, the place she loved most, Eileen was never one for having photo’s on the walls, she had only one family photo on the window ledge which is still there, i have, however put some photo’s of the 2 of us together on the walls, some family photo’s and i have a few candles with tributes on them, some of her ashes are in a casket on a shelf with a photo in a frame attached to it, it’s like a shrine for her, it brings me some small comfort and a feeling that she is still here, her favourite seat on the sofa is empty and nobody ever sits there, i just wish with all of my heart that she was still here, the feeling of emptiness in my life will never go away, i miss her so much, i will treasure her memory for as long as i live, every day feels like just surviving and not living! my life will never be the same and the thought of ever moving on and starting to live again is just out of the question, nobody could ever take her place, i will still have friends, family and acquaintances, but never another partner.
It sounds a lovely space to sit and remember Eileen, you’re right our lives will never be the same again, we’re all heartbroken and yearning for our soulmates hugs to everyone
This quite moving as I could have written exactly the same words about my late wife Judith who passed away 27/09/21,I could not have put it better.Michael.
Been awake again since about 3.00am then find it hard to get back to sleep.The pill has worn off too early.Start thinking about my darling wife again who only passed away 5 weeks ago and left me in this hell ,grieving ,crying,not eating ,pain ,sick feeling,how can anyone live like this with the memories of a beautiful wife all around you.Waking up is when the nightmare begins all over again.Another day wishing that you had not woken up.Michael.
I know that feeling. My husband is 4 weeks. Waking up so early when pill wears off is the worst thing ever. Lie in bed just thinking of our loss. How the hell can we move forward
My sleep pattern is all over the place but sometimes the early hours offer a peaceful time to remember I know I’m more tearful if I haven’t slept and walking helps during the day
I find walking helps. We have 3 dogs and nothing helps more than a walk round forest. The dogs have helped Me so much.
Yes this is me,I take the Zopiclone about 10pm then wake up around 3am then just toss and turn until 6am and get up.Waste of time.Yes how can we move on when the one we want to be with is no longer around.Living hell.Michael.