Hi can someone help me im just wondering how long it takes for a inquest after suicide my sons dad passed away in April after taken his own life and its 11weeks tomorrow I have regular contact with my exs mum and she is going out of her mind over how long the inquest will be as legal matters and to my exs insurance policies for my son one minute there telling her they will pay out they need my sons birth certificate then there telling her they are not dealing with it until the inquest is done as its a tuff time for us all as we’re in limbo as to when the final inquest will be im just wondering if anybody can give me a ruff time frame please and thank you
My daughter died in January and the inquest is December. In the scheme of things I’m told that’s quite quick. I was there when she died and I didn’t get asked by police for a statement till June. At some point you will be contacted by a police officer for statements and they are passed to another police officer who collects all statements and sends them on to the Coroner. I was asked to make my statement over the phone but I found that too upsetting and she came to my house, hope that’s some help xx
Thank you that seems so long to wait im just wondering if that could be due to area you live? sorry for your loss the police come to see my exs mum June for her final statement I was told that because I never seen him in his last 24hours I want get contacted and ive not heared anything from police only my exs mum but again thank you for the ruff time scale
I think time it all takes varies depending where you live. I found that after it happened I didn’t hear at all from the police for months, and then it was suddenly all needed quickly. Forensics takes a lot of time to submit their findings too. They have agreed that they will inform me of the forensic stuff and happy to discuss it. Maybe your exes mum could just ring the local police and ask who is dealing with it. Once you’ve got a name she could contact them by email, which I found makes it easier and less stressful. Hope some of that helps. Sending you all the best and hope you are at least okish. I have some awful days and recently some more bearable days. Take care xxx
Thank you and sorry for your loss I have more bad days than good but gotta keep going for my children its our sons 7th birthday 2mora 1st with out his dad he Is finding it hard so im just trying to be strong and hold everything together but il pass this information on and again thank you and look after yourself
Hi My daughter’s Dad died in June last year and the inquest was in March so it takes a while I’m afraid. I was his next of kin and had spent the whole day with him the day before after he attempted suicide, unfortunately he was successful the following day. I don’t think I will ever get over it. I therefore had to give police statements but was kept informed about dates etc. along the way. I completed all the formal paperwork using the interim death certificate which the coroner issued.
I hope this helps
Sending strength and hugs to you
Thank you for taken the time to comment it really means a lot so sorry for your loss. that is a long time for the inquest. I myself don’t feel I will get over what has happened and I have more bad days than good my mum thinks I should be over it by now and got moody with me when I tryed to explain how I feel her reply was no matter what I say to you clearly your always gonna be hung up on him when I seen your name I thought it was him he is in everything I do each day and it’s getting harder but we push threw. I’ve not spoke with my exs mum for about 2 weeks but she said she will keep me informed last time I spoke she said the insurance company are messing around and have decided to wait till the inquest is done before they sort anything out but im not bothered bout his money the hole situation is long and confusing to understand and life feels like a film I don’t think even with the inquest I will ever find a way to understand or accept what has happened. Thank you again
I know what you mean about it all feeling like a film. It does feel surreal and that it must be a mistake, or a bad dream and that it couldn’t have possibly happened. That’s shock I think and trauma. You have done all you can, but sadly the worst happened. I texted my daughter the day she died. She seemed fine, I went round and she seemed asleep (part of her depression, she often slept in the day). I actually saw her sleeping, apparently peacefully. I was checking her regularly about every 10 or so minutes. On the last check she had clearly died. I feel guilty, angry, beaten, broken, you name it. Still do, but now there is a bit of realism. No one wanted what happened. No one is to,blame. Everyone wishes we could turn back time, but we can’t. So sometime we have to find the strength to learn to live with it. Not to say it’s ok but to admit it happened and can’t be changed. I don’t expect to ever get over it, but I do think over time I can live a new life and not the one I expected, but a good enough life. Keeping my lovely one in my heart. I send you my wishes for your future and please be kind with yourself. You deserve that xxxxx
Thank you for reaching out I feel all you feel I am made to feel wrong that I feel the way I feel as my family don’t understand I suffer with depression myself and that’s a battle in its self but I always look forward to bed and tell myself you made it threw another day well done I always have hope that I will learn to live a new life and the way I feel will get a little easier I wish you well and strength and thank you again x
It will get easier in time. I have some reasonable days now, but in the midst of it I will suddenly think ‘she’s still dead, it’s not ok’. Followed by another wave of grief and guilt and sadness. At the beginning all of those feelings were full on every waking moment. No one can withstand that deluge of feelings without suffering depression and anxiety. So you have those emotions on top of the very real fact that person is not alive and you want them back. You aren’t in a place where you can just ‘move on’ or ‘get over it’. It’s your grief and no one is in your head but you. Don’t be hard on yourself and advice like ‘get a grip’ doesn’t help. Keep on keeping on is the best advice I had and the rest is for the future when you have got some strength back. You are doing the keeping on so you are doing the best you can. That’s good enough xxx
Thank you it will be 14 weeks this Thursday I find taking it day by day helps just little steps and being strong for our children I also write witch helps but again thank you it means alot xx
@Nell2 I’m so sorry for your loss too. It is heartbreaking that we are all dealing with these same emotions but also a comfort to find others that understand. It sounds like you were doing everything you could for your daughter.
I feel like I lost my ex to his depression years ago (but took it as rejection at the time) and have now lost him all over again.
Acceptance is powerful and the inquest was useful for that as it made me understand it wasn’t just me that had tried to help, which helped with the guilt but it still washes over me. Some days are better than others and like you @Kirsty27 people expect me to be over it because we were not together .
Thank you for reaching out and responding and sending lots of love
You are right in what you say. I worried about my daughter every day of her adult life, she struggled with bipolar which is a very cruel illness. It wrecks the person who has it and often, through nobody’s fault, it wrecks families trying to live with someone who has it. None of us are miracle workers and we can’t fix some illnesses, whether it of the mind or the body. I wish we could. Xxx
We were together for 9years separated for 11 months spoke everyday then 2days b4 he passed he come 2c me apologised for leaving and treating me like he did he loves me but he knows I want take him back and made plans 2 move forward and do things 2gether for the kids its just hard 2 make sense of it all and so many why questions he was a man that never let anything bother him he always said it is what it is and you move on he told our 6 year old the last time he seen us he was gonna make things right and I dont understand that if he thought this was right as its not I battle with myself ever day grief is hard when you have nobody 2 talk 2 that understands its like I try talking 2my family and they don’t listen to understand they listen 2 reply or they avoid me but you are all strong and I thank u 4 sharing n understanding x
That is such a sad story and the hard thing about suicide is there is no chance to get the answers to those questions. I think we have to recognise that it’s not so much a choice they made but the Illness got them - unfortunately the signs are not always recognised even by themselves. I’m so sorry you don’t have anyone around you that understands- I feel the same - it is so lonely - I miss our phone chats, our handover catch ups and being able to share the news about our daughter xx
But kids are resilient and we must carry on and make a good life for ourselves and them - I’m just hoping this will come in time xx
We do have to carry on for our children and missing the calls and catch ups and updates on our children are hard my son lost a tooth the other day and I was so excited for him as its his 4th and the 1st thing I went to do was txt his dad its really hard and is lonely but you seem to be made of tough stuff and have gave me some comfort and hope so thank you it has really helped me x