Mine is full of why questions as well. I think we do torture ourselves which isn’t helpful to us at all, and we know that but can’t stop ourselves. I’m sure your gp will sign you off again. Your health is so important especially at the moment. Little steps, minute by minute is all we can do xx
Hi thanks for messaging. So so day, just watered my sons resting place in the garden and cried my eyes out. Been having horrendous flashbacks today which have not helped. Tried to keep busy, been for a good swim, walk and revamping the front garden. Keep thinking this time next week the inquest will be over either accidental overdose or intentional suicide…the coroner will decide. How are you feeling and coping. This is an s**t situation for us all to be in. Without all of you people I hear I wouldn’t cope. It’s the only place people actually understand. At least the sun is shining xx
Sounds like you’ve been busy
I’m not very good at distracting myself although I have been watching the cycling since my son left so am now an expert on the Ins and outs of profession cycling !!
I used to swim and walk a lot but zero energy means I can’t do much really. Maybe walk 2 miles max !
Yes this time next week you won’t have the inquest hanging over you . Just have to live the best life you can under the circumstances.
Hi Tilly13. If I keep busy I can wear myself out more. Any form bit it a small amount or lots of exercise is good. My tv viewing has completely changed since I lost my son. Yes in a way will be glad to get the inquest done. People say you get closure, guess I will find out. Take care xx
Thank you so much and so kind, I’m feeling calm at the moment, my partner been at home all day with me, been out for 2 walks. I know the bundle word for word. It will either be drugs overdose or intentional suicide… the amount of drugs in his system was very high, oxycodone, morphine and they found cocaine at his flat🤷♀️. Will message tomorrow at somepoint, I have his mates coming over tomorrow evening as to me it’s important they know from me the outcome, before rumour control gets it all wrong. Thank you, how are you coping xx
@MJG Hopefully you can get a little peace after tomorrow. I know the outcome doesn’t change anything but it’s a formality we have to go through unfortunately.
Nice his friends are coming round, it gives me a lot of comfort talking to my sons friends.
I’m ok today thanks, having a few days away next week so hopefully that will go ok.
Thinking of you, take care xx
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Hope you enjoy your days away and they go well. Yes it’s nice talking to his mates, I’ve known them for years, all into drugs though🤷♀️ but are a big support to me xx
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Thinking of you tomorrow 
Thank you so much. How are you doing xx
Somehow getting through each day . Still wonder how we do it !!
I’m not sure how we do it, day be day and sometimes minute by minute. Each day I have to break into sections. I still write my journal and feel it’s a one way conversation and always will be. I will never get the answers I want and I feel I need to start letting go of that as it’s eating me up which is not good. My temper is sometimes out of control and I know it but I don’t really care which I know is wrong. I have always been on the fiery side and never taken prisoners gladly but I’m even worse. My Dad used to say that about me and never to get on the wrong side of me, sounds like I’m a horrible person…I’m not 
xx
@MJG i keep writting many times throughout the day lots of question’s, solutions to his issues, but as you say there is no response, a friends sister lights a candle and talks to the candle and gives the answers that she thinks he would give, when i think of that i think will he be answering as forever 21.
That’s nice your friend does that with a candle. My son will always be 35. At least he will never have to see me get old….if I make it, like I did with my parents and do end of life care for them like I did. I’m not sure if that’s a nice thing to write or even think xx
He was always the one going to look after me have a granny annex
Ah happy memories for us…that’s all we have. Are you still sleeping in the tent or in the warm indoors. Xx
Had my sons inquest. It was hard but everyone so kind. We had a support team with us. It was gruelling listening back to everything but I held it together. The coroner after a long time waiting went for accidental drug overdose. My son they believe had aspiration pneumonia and subacute endocarditis a few days previous. All through drugs. Nothing I didn’t no but heartbroken again. Thank you everyone for your support and thinking of me. I need a lot of help again and this is the one place I know I will get it. The media were on line listening to it all xx
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Sending big hugs .
A tough day and now a time for reflection .