Insensitive comments

Hello everyone, this is my first post and it feels a bit daunting.

My 28 year old daughter chloe died tragically and suddenly 3 weeks ago. I’m feeling in a state of shock still and numb, broken…don’t really know how to explain the range of emotions… they are inexplicable. I know you will all understand but I also know all our experiences are unique to us.

What I have found is how flabbergasted I am at some comments people make … example yesterday… my best friends partner said as I was leaving
“ good luck for Thursday “ … this is referring to Chloe’s funeral. I am so upset/angry at how anyone can think this is an acceptable thing to say.

I have told my friend how upset it has made me , she said he meant well by the comment.
I do get people struggle to know what to say … but I would rather they didn’t say anything I think than risk saying the wrong thing.

I’m so angry right now​:sob::broken_heart:

Thank you for listening.

Michelle xx



I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter .

I lost my son 8 weeks ago so understand .

I’ve found it easier just to avoid people full stop at the moment as I know while meaning well they will say the wrong thing and I have no tolerance .

The usual things are …

Times a great healer .(No it’s not .I’ll mourn my child forever )
I know how you feel because I lost my mum/dad etc .( While I have every respect for others devastating losses losing a child is on a different level ).
How are you doing ? (How do you think I’m doing I’ve just lost my child !)

You’re right people just don’t know what to say and our losses are so recent and raw we will not be able to tolerate these sort of comments .

You just need to concentrate on getting through each day and don’t expect too much of yourself .

You will be a different person to the one you were .
Take care



I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter, life is just so cruel.
Sadly, you will have to get used to the ridiculous comments unless you go along the lines of avoiding all people (a route im now beginning to take). My situation is different to yours ( 43 year old husband has terminal cancer and we have two young kids) but the crazy comments still keep coming. It got so bad I started a blog on “what not to say to someone going through this”. A couple of people took it on board but the majority didn’t.
I’ve learnt to avoid, bite my tongue and swear lots in my head. I also have the theme turn of “ let it go” in my head for when I want to punch someone.
Loads of love to you xxxx

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Thank you for your reply. I am so sorry for the loss as of your son 8 weeks ago. I totally understand avoiding people, same… no tolerance whatsoever.

I’m living moment to moment right now.

I just made a cake and put a purple flower on there for Chloe. How do you carry on after this :sob:

Take care xxx

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I don’t know how we carry on but we just do .

At first I was disappointed to wake up In the morning .

It’s such early days for us . We are all consumed by this and can’t see past it .

I’ve spoken to a lot of people at support groups and on blogs and am comforted there is a way through this .

While we will never ever ‘get over it’ we will learn to live with it and hopefully continue to live some sort of life .

A part of us will always be missing though .


Can you let me know what support groups /blogs please? Xx

@navvy71 Hi Michelle, I am so so sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through.
I agree, people have no idea what to say but they feel the need to say something but it’s usually the wrong thing. Before I had to walk this horrible, lonely grief journey myself, I have never tried to say the right thing to people who have suffered loss. I simply give them a hug and say, if there’s anything I can do, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Its been a few months now since I lost both of my parents a few weeks apart and people around me talk/act like all is back to normal…like my parents never existed. My life has changed forever but no one understands that. Grief doesn’t have an expiry date and I wished people could understand that!
Maybe it is best to avoid some people for the time being as our tolerance levels are usually non existent whilst we grieve.
Sending you much love & hugs at this extremely difficult time xx

I’ve messaged you xx

I lost my son 4 weeks ago, and am currently just ignoring people and isolating myself, I’ve had enough of the be strong , you need to start getting out of the house , come to a gym class with me … Its hard enough getting out of bed. I just switch off when people are talking most of the time. Take care and we are all here for you.


Thank you for your reply… it’s horrific what we are going through. Yes I’m just not interested in chit chat even if people think it’s good to distract.

It’s a very dark place to be. There is no way out. :sob:

Be kind to yourself , small steps and moment by moment.

Take care xxx

I’m so sorry for your loss of your daughter. We are all living this horrendous journey. People just don’t have a clue so I avoid most people, fed up people saying are you ok when I want to scream at them. I’ve never had a lot of patience put have have zero at the moment, and feel me temper is get out of control. We change as I think it is a survival mechanism. Bi pg hugs, little steps, this forum is a godsend, the only place where people actually understand xx

Thank you, yes I’m not very patient and prefer animals to people any day. My tolerance levels are not great right now.

I hope you are having a peaceful Monday xx

Day not too bad thank you, no tears yet which is good. I have no tolerance and no interest in really speaking to many people, I can’t be bothered listening to them moaning or thinking they know my business and telling me how I feel. Take care xx

Hello everyone, I need to rant…

A friend just messaged who I don’t see very often . Passing on her condolences… she then said … I know you have been waiting for this to happen!! (My daughter was an addict)

I replied NO I haven’t … I always always had hope. Then went on a rant to her about how people don’t consider what they say and how angry I am .

My anxiety is going through the roof :frowning:

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People really don’t think of the impact of their words before they speak (it’s one reason I’m avoiding people). So sorry you feel so angry, it’s totally understandable with what you are going through xx

Thank you for hearing me xxx

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That’s just insensitive and not the sort of thing a friend should say .

I think if it was me I’d block her .

As if you do t have enough to deal with .

I’ve avoided people for 2 months now . I am going to slowly let them in bit by bit just for short periods of time to see if I can cope.


I’m not a great people lover as it is ….

Much prefer my pets.

People can be so insensitive.

Thank you for listening xxx

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Same here .

My lovely dog has been such a comfort to me at such a horrendous time .


What sort of dog do you have? Xxx