I’m so pleased to find this group as I feel I need to chat to others who have experienced losing a much loved partner. It is a grief unlike any I have experienced before although I thought losing my Dad was as bad as it could get. I was wrong.
My darling husband died suddenly in April after playing football. He was an apparently very fit 60 year old who was a driving instructor and looked after his farm land.
The shock was unbelievable for me and my two daughters as well as everyone who knew him.
Nearly five months without him and life has very little meaning some days. I find I am better when I keep busy and get a sense of achievement, especially if I do something which I know he would have been proud of me for. Currently that is up a scaffolding tower sanding and staining window frames. Also checking the farmland, even though my daughter and I know so little about what to do with that.
I think for all of us, not expecting too much of ourselves is a must. My worst days I can’t see the point in anything in life but I know he would have hated me feeling like that.
We used to joke between us about who would die first as neither wanted to live without the other. My only consolation is that I have saved him this truly awful grief as I’m the one still here.
When your seemingly fit husband doesn’t return the shock, is indeed unbelievable! Not having chance to say goodbye doesn’t really enter into it because ‘saying goodbye’ just wasn’t thought about! I guess we assumed we’d got years ahead of us
Thinking of you and your family
Thanks Janr.
You are so right that it never entered our heads that we didn’t have years ahead of us. There are SO many things I wish I’d done differently but that kind of thought doesn’t get me anywhere.
We were very lucky to be so happy when we were together and that really does help me but oh, how I wish we’d had longer. It would have been our 29th wedding anniversary 20 days after he died. We had talked about having a party next year for our 30th so I know that will be another hard day.
Welcome to the group none of us wanted to join, so sorry for your loss.
Your words really resonate with me, I lost my wonderful soul mate on November 13th 2021, like your husband Pete was a fit man of 59 who had jogged his whole life, he left home that morning smiling and his last words to me were… I love you!
Less than an hour later he was found on the side of the road we live on, massive heart attack.
Thae shock is so unbelievable, everything you say is exactly what I feel, I also try to do things that would make him proud, I know he would not want me to be sad for the rest of my life but, I miss him every minute of every day and life is so dull and meaningless without the other half of me,.
I would give anything to turn the clock back.
As time has gone on it has got slightly easier or maybe I’ve just got a bit strong, I’ve had counselling which has helped and have booked some more to start before the anniversary.
Life can be so cruel
Sending you strength and love.
Muldool
Thanks for your reply. So sorry you too have gone through this terrible ordeal. Yes, the missing him every moment of every day makes so tough to face each day. I sometimes feel that I know I’ll be ok, then other days I’m just as certain I wont.
So sorry for your loss & hope joining this forum helps you as much as it has me.
Today is 33 months since I lost my Derek, he was 59 & it was so unexpected. I think the hardest part as time goes on is trying to find a way of living a life you never wanted, a life without them physically by your side. My friend posted this the other day & it really resonated with me. Hope it helps others too Xx
Thank you for this wonderful poem. That’s exactly what I am doing. I take him with me, everywhere I go, whatever I do, I take my husband with me, talking to him, involving him in everything, trying to achieve all the goals that he would have wanted for our family.
I’m coming up to 1st anniversary of John dying. I know he wouldn’t want me to be miserable but it’s a tough tough time. Like many it was unexpected and sudden.
I find comfort reading everything here. Thank you all.
Xx
