Invasion of her privacy

Another topic.
We never had secrets but something’s were private. I never went through her journals or had her passwords or even financial details unless needed i.e. mortgage.
It is so hard going through her stuff. Feels I’m violating her privacy.
I know I need to find info. But feelings on top of everything else. Data protection don’t help

I understand, after my husbands death I knew I had to go through his jacket pockets (he always had some type of food in them) but I felt it was so wrong like I was snooping, it took me 5 months, he had soggy biscuits, sweets, a washer, packet of nails and a lottery ticket, I checked the lottery and it hit me £7.50!

With my husbands wallet it took me nearly a year to be able to open that, when I did I was still looking over my shoulder, it felt wrong so wrong, the money in it then became an issue, it felt like stealing if I took it, so what I have done is when I want a treat I take the money out of my husbands wallet, it then feels like he is treating me as he would have done when he was alive.

I chuckled to myself when I picked up my handbag today, I hoard everything in there, if I had gone first my husband would have been flabbergasted at what I kept in there, i had a trick where when we were walking and we held hands, I’d make sure he was holding the hand that my handbag was on, then suddenly let go meaning he was left to carry the HEAVY ladies handbag, he was so confident he didn’t care, he’d just walk along swinging it.


Hi there. I also can so relate to your problem of privacy and feeling of violating. My husband was a very private person and we both respected each others privacy. No secrets mind, just never needed to go into each others private business. When he died I had to go through paperwork, bonds, investments, pensions, bank details which I didn’t even know how much was in the account. I felt so bad about looking through all his business But worse was to come. I had a dream that he was opening an old case and pointing into it. I thought no more for a few weeks and when I decided to sort out the loft I discovered to what extent my husband was a hoarder and the full to capacity loft was a shock. I had never been in there before. While sorting under a pile of things I was amazed to come across that locked case and had to break it open with a hammer. In it I found so much of my husbands past. Photographs, old wage slips/pay packets so much that dated back to his previous marriage and his teen years. He must have locked it all away when we married thirty years before and as much as we loved each other I knew he would hate me going through all his things. I had no choice but to burn most of it and the guilt was terrible, I cried buckets. I was burning his past including photo’s of past girlfriends, diaries etc. This really did upset me and I felt such guilt but it does pass and you know that what you have done is what must be. I know it’s an overload at the time but you will eventually sort it all out, just pace yourself and deal with a bit at a time. I agree the data protection can be a nightmare and I had some really frustrating conversations. Stay calm.
Good luck

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Thank you for sharing. Although we met on our 20s for both this was our first true relationship. What makes my loss worse is firstly her age of 53. 22 years of marriage and a total negligence of the medical profession mis diagnosing something so easily detectable and cured. This year was going to be a year of decluttering and we were talking about the retirement years although we were well over 15 years away from it.