I bumped in to a friend today after previously saying earlier I wasn’t up to meeting today. It will be the first anniversary since I lost my Belovrd husband in a few weeks. She said on the brief encounter we had in the street, don’t you think other people might sometimes need to talk". Perspective please
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Its hard to tell without more context what your friend might have meant. I do know when we are hurting we can sometimes read more into other peoples words than they intended.
If someone said that to me I probably would wonder if it meant I was talking too much about me and my concerns. Because I am very aware that I do. I so miss having Neil there to consult or just to report back to every day that when I see a friend I find I have a whole load of thoughts and worries stored up and I’m liable to just unload. But I can’t imagine any of my friends being insensitive enough to tell me directly.
Your friend could alternatively have meant other people also need or want to talk about your husband? That she was encouraging you to let them? Depends if she knew him well.
Whatever it was there’s no point in dwelling on it. Nor worth losing a friend over a possibly misplaced word. I feel we need all the friends and acquaintances we can muster if only to spread the load a bit and have someone to practice communicating with. I am so lonely I almost forget how to talk to other people.
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Thank you for this post. I’ve felt similar feelings. I think the tension leading up to the first anniversary can cause a lot of additional emotions and stress. At least I’m feeling this now. I want to talk to people, and yet I don’t want to be a burden. I want to be peaceful and optimistic and find calm in my heart, and yet I cry on the floor and try to hide from my son (he’s twenty so he’s at work a lot, not really wondering where mom is … I have so much mad respect for grieving mothers with young families, hard to imagine).
It’s good that you got out with your friend, @Pooka1968 . People who love you will give you lots of space, maybe coming up on the year mark they also start to test what they can and can’t say, what you are ready for or they think maybe you need to hear. I try to give the benefit of the doubt but I do feel ‘prickly’ sometimes … a little like, I’m the widow here, I don’t need … which just reminds me the seeds of anger and ‘why me’ are definitely still in me somewhere.
I love your advice @AnnieMacG … there are definitely too many quarreling people out there, it’s good to give grace and generosity, even if we don’t feel like it or it’s not what we go to first. It’s always a good time to keep a friend.
Many blessings to all. May we all keep at it …
PS - Is anyone else ruining pairs of eyeglasses from crying? I feel like the salt in my tears is reacting with the scratch-proof coating or something. I can’t afford new ones just yet. Another lovely side effect of widowing?
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Thank you so much for your responses. I think I am screaming inside, I’m the widow here" too and selfish me, above everything else that’s going on in the world. The context is I declined a cuppa meet then incidentally our paths crossed later in the day. It is as much as I can to function to get through the day and sometimes the mask of facade I want to shelf’. Someone dislikes me more today and if I had simply walked another path home… what ifs". I am empathic to know others are shouldering losses but maybe in grief I have become insular and selfish and hunkering down. The advent of winter also with the end of summer time, not so I noticed. My loss feels like yesterday, the seasons have no bearing only the world keeps turning oblivious to our loss and world change. Strength to All. We find ourselves warriors in this devastating nightmare
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Yes of course that’s what’s the matter with my specs! Wet eyelashes and too much wiping the lenses clear…sometimes with my t shirt rather than the proper cloth.