Is it normal to be numb for so long

Losing a parent
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I lost my grandad October 2018 but to me he was my dad and until he was gone I never realised how much he was my anchor in this world.

I am normally the caretaker caregiver in the family before he passed we had spent 5 years caring for my Nan who has cancer. So when he was taken from us so quickly I couldn’t process it and I quickly found that I had no one to run to anymore because everyone runs to me. It has been like I have built a fortress around my emotions to ensure that everyone else does ok.

It’s now coming up to the first year of him passing and only now do I feel that I am starting to process him being gone. Even though after the funeral I still haven’t been able to go to his grave side.

I can’t seem to share in everyone’s grief because I can’t seem to let it out in front of the rest of the family. I am trying to do as he asked and take care of everyone but I feel like I have failed him also in the fact that I can’t seem to accept his passing and let him go.

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Hi nrberry,

Sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved Grandad.

It’s totally okay to feel as though you’re only just started to process things. I remember about 8 - 9 months after my Dad died I felt as though the grief was getting more and more intense.

Why do you feel you can;'t share in everyone’s grief? You have as much right as anyone to be upset.

You must look after yourself, never mind everyone else. You are suffering too. And know that you haven’t failed him!

The acceptance will come with time, you need to be patient and kind to yourself.

Have you considered talking to a professional grief counsellor or using the online service on this website?

Lots of love xxx

1 Like
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Thank you Daffodil

I guess it’s because I am looked at as being the strong one the one they come to lean on and I don’t know how to break through that barrier and let myself be vulnerable too.

I think that’s why I am on here trying to finally find help xx