Is it normal?

Hello,

I can’t seem to get any bereavment councilling, nobody comes back to me. I just need to know I’m not weird, the first week of losing my husband all I did was cry, now I feel unconnected to him, I look at pictures of him and feel like I know who he was but that he wasn’t someone close to me. People keep telling me I’m coping so well but I don’t think I am I think I’ve just shut it down so I don’t feel anything, I’m just scared this will come out at a later time.

Hi Pringles your not weird Grief works in mysterious ways just carry on day by by day .Keep coming here to offload theres no such thing as a right or wrong way to grieve .Time will tell how you cope and people on here are here for you Colin(57 )

Hi there, you sound very normal to me. Grief affects us in many different ways and there is no pattern to follow and there is no “coping well” to live up to. Part of you may well have shut down temporarily because of hurting so much but don’t worry it takes time to process everything - there is not only the shock of losing your husband whether or not he had a long or short illness or condition but the loss of your relationship and all that it meant to you, to both of you.
When I lost Helen, my wife, my feelings, sometimes what felt like lack of feelings, came in waves - it is no wonder people describe it as a roller coaster. Don’t worry if your feelings do catch you out later, it is all part of the healing process.
I do hope you can get some counselling soon. If you haven’t tried through your GP try through him or her. I got counselling through the palliative care team at our local hospice.
Take care of yourself, you are not alone.
Alan.

Hi Pringles1
My husband died at the end of January and I feel the same too. I still can’t quite believe he has gone, and feel no emotion apart from sadness. People tell me all the time I am doing so well and on the outside I’m sure I am. But on the inside I’m not so sure. So no you are not weird. Grieving is individual and there is no right way to feel. Give yourself time.

It’s hard isn’t it I feel like everyone is watching me and judging me if I’m not crying, it’s hard as my husband and I had had marriage problems and had separated two weeks prior to his death. I still loved him but it had become such hard work, to me we were done so now I have mixed emotions about that on top of his death.

It is hard especially with your other feelings on top. I feel like everyone thinks i should fall apart as me and my husband were very close and had a very close relationship but I actually feel a bit relieved as he is no longer suffering. We had 3 years of treatment and surgery. He was ready to go. But I don’t feel family will understand that as some of them are very intense.

Hello Nina - I can’t imagine the degree of pain you must be experiencing as a result of your traumatic and unexpected loss. I lost my Husband 24 weeks ago. If you think your loss has the potential to develop into traumatic grief or complicated grief please make sure someone from your local Cruse office does call you back or ask your Dr how to get in touch with them or an NHS counselling service. Time may unfold your emotions naturally but you are also very right to think the trauma could remain under the surface only to reappear later. I wish you well.

Hi, I think I’ll get through it I’m just scared it will come back to bite me in the bum so to speak x

Have you tried your gp. I’m going to my gp on Thursday to arrange breavemt counsiling . My fiancé died on 20th of January . Things have been awful for me …
I’ve been suffering with depression so much .ive been told your gp will pass your information to the right people .
I hope you can get the help you need …
Neil

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