Is it really the most wonderful time of the year?


I lost my mum coming up 3 years ago on New Year’s Eve and spent Christmas in Sue Ryder. I feel I have to justify my feelings whenever I’m sad because everyone else is so happy. I was 27 when she passed and feel like I should be old enough to cope but even now, it’s hard!

Just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to get through Christmas?

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Hi Cloud, I know exactly how you feel, my husband died on 21st December and every year I feel so down and seeing everybody enjoying themselves is really difficult, I usually spend Christmas Day with my family, but of course last year I couldn’t and who knows about this year, but really I just want it over and get back to normal, I wish I could say it gets better, I’m still waiting, I think it does get easier, I hope it does for you, love Jude xx

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I’m so sorry to hear about your husband! Nothing ever prepares you enough right? My mum adored Christmas to the point she demanded we decorate her room at the hospice.

I truly believe “time doesn’t heal” but we adjust to a new life, I just hope to get to a point when I can talk about her without crying!

I hope you both have a Christmas, not saying good or merry but just being!

Thank you for your response x


Hi Cloud. I can empathise with you so much. I’m a lot older than you and my mum died 20 years ago, on 16th December. Christmas has never been the same since. It lost its magic and sparkle.
My son died in October this year, he was 40 years old. I’ve found myself getting angry with all the bonhomie and fervour surrounding Christmas. I’m just thankful that no one has asked me if I’m “ready for the big day”! I just want Christmas to go away!
I’ve learnt there are no rulebooks, timetables or calendars for grief, and no one can tell you how you should be feeling.

It’s so hard cloud
I loss my loving husband 3 years ago and then 9 months later I loss my mum
Christmas was my favourite time of the year
David and I would decorate the whole house inside and out with lights
I would phone my mum as soon as I saw the coke advert
Al happy memories
Now it’s a completely different story
I can’t bare to put our tree up it’s all packed off in the loft
I have a different routine now
How can you be happy when the love of your life is not here to share everything with you
I will give out presents to family but it’s just going through the motions
I have to be honest I wished I had died when david died
I thought over time it would get easier I have found I have got worse
Cloud so try and do things different that suits you
If you don’t want to see family friends over Xmas DON’T
Please do what makes you cope through this sad seasons
I wish you all the best
You are definitely not alone on how you are feeling
The only saving grace I tell myself is that my mum and david are not going through this heartache
I wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worse enemy
Take care cloud
Sending my love