Is it wrong to not feel anything

Coping with bereavement
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Hi. My mum died on 3rd February 2020 and the funeral was 14th February 2020.

Myself my daughter and young grandson were with my mum when she passed. It was very peaceful. My daughter and myself did last rites. Washed her and dressed her. Mum had been end of life for over a year. She was bed ridden and I alone used to wash etc and hoist her until she had to go into hospital. A blockage high up from catheter resulted in sepsis. My strong mum again pulled through this. 5 days before she died. She had a massive stroke. She stopped eating and drinking. Was not for fluids etc. And she passed with us holding her telling her we loved her. Yes we cried. But, even day of funeral few tears. It’s as if shes not died. It’s a strange feeling. Sort of distanced from people. Am I normal. I am confused as to how you should feel.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

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Hi my Mam found out jan last year she had bowel cancer she died age 72 last Oct I still feel like it’s not real too I’m thinking the same is this normal we had her birthday 23 rd Dec then xmas without her I did cry and do but not every day my boyfriend said he thinks Iv been grieving since we found out it was cancer but I don’t know it feels weird my dad is still in the house even when I go which is every day I still feel like she’s there but my dad said he feels like me he said hel never accept it even though we was with her she died at home and the funeral I felt like it was all not real like a dream xx

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I know what you mean. Although is fresh for me at the moment. I think throughout Ithe few years i have done so much crying. And I did cry the day she passed. Strangely I felt content washing and dressing her and felt she looked so peaceful and no longer suffering and in pain. A good friend has said to me there is no right or wrong way. And no time limit. To take each day and baby steps. I think it’s not understanding why like some you dont collapse and cry and cry. Or maybe we shouldn’t think like that and just accept how we feel at the moment. Thank you for replying it means a lot

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When my Mam died I felt relieved even though I didn’t want her to go I felt like u no more suffering for her but I googled if it’s normal to feel like this it says first stage of grief is denial so I think that’s still we’re i am xx

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Sounds like we are both going through it normally. Maybe we need to not think so hard and allow the stages to unfold.

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I Think your right but it’s scary not knowing when or what it will be like xx

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Hi Confused1. I know exactly how you feel. I remember asking myself similar questions after my Dad died in 2007. Yes I cried but, nothing like I’d ever dared to imagine I would. I helped carry his coffin and I read out quite a long eulogy on behalf of my Mum, my brothers and myself. I didn’t cry a single tear. My Dad was and, still is my hero.

My beautiful Mum died 5 years later, I cried again but, nothing like I ever dared imagine I would. I helped carry her coffin too and again I read a rather long eulogy on behalf of my brothers and me. No tears that day either.

I was always very close to both my Mum and my Dad. They gave me an amazing childhood and I spent lots of time with them as an adult.

I smile when I think of how and when they died. My Dad always used to say to me if death was talked about, you don’t want to be dying on a weekend. If you’re going to die do it on a Monday. Don’t work all week and then die…yes, he died on a Monday. He also would say, don’t be laying in bed, get up, you die in bed…yes, he died in bed :heavy_heart_exclamation:

My Mum was always very organised. Everything was always right and proper. Filed away etc etc. My Mum was 81 on 10 July, 2012. She died on her birthday. I smiled. Very neat and tidy Mum…:heavy_heart_exclamation:

Never, and I mean never, have I felt like they have died. I know they have, I have death certificates to prove they did but, I have NEVER felt like they died. I miss them so much, I sometimes wish so hard that I could ask them stuff or, go to them for a chat or advice. Big style I wish those things but, still I don’t feel like they died.

I have struggled more since my gorgeous husband died last year, I miss him beyond belief. I also know he died too and again I have the paperwork and empty sadness to prove it. I really am heartbroken but, yet again, I don’t feel that he’s dead.

I feel him around our home (I love it). I hear him in my head, I hear my Mum and Dad in my head too occasionally. I find myself doing things, as though I’m being programmed via a remote control. I often think, why am I doing this. I’ve never done this before or, I’ve never done it this way before. I laugh :joy:

The truth is, I sometimes have a word with myself and wonder am I in denial. Am I unaccepting of the reality. Have I lost the plot for real???

The answer is, no. I’m none of those things. I know the absolute reality. I also know they died but, they are nothing like dead. I don’t completely understand it but I don’t particularly need to :heart:

There’s nothing wrong with you Confused1. Trust me. You are so very lucky to feel as you do. I’m so very lucky too!

Love to you x

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It really is scary. I’m hoping others will comment on here who have gone through it. Or I can find answers on other threads.

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My mum died on a monday. Could have been her wish to. Thank you for replying. It is a very strange conception of what has happened and not quite taking it in. Perhaps we have a sort of mechanism in the sense if we dont accept then it’s not happened. Perhaps it’s our way to let our brain slowly process everything. But in out time. I hope that makes sense. It does to me. Look you will get used to how I think and it comes out wrong. Very much how I speak lol. I personally am not sure of afterlife. And if I’m honest it scares me. But tonight a picture that has been in same place for a while. Just fell off the shelf. It scared me. And because I’m not sure of the afterlife. O said out loud mum is that you. Please dont scare me. (She knew I didn’t like that sort of thing) and I said. If it is you please dont scare me. But if your here to say you have passed peacefully then I’m glad. That’s all I want. And I love you. Since saying that it’s been nice and content. I obviously have no idea why the picture fell off. Or if it is anything. But I can honestly say I’m happy it’s quite now.