Today is another day of crying and despair. I am getting up and started crying immediately like I had done it yesterday. I really had the good intentions to do a lot today but now I am a crying bundle again. Maybe it will be better later? I am going around in circles. Another blow is that I am not getting a widow pension. I am 62, my husband was 65 and I am entitled to a widow pension when I turn 66 years old. I have not been working for years because I was a housewife and I am afraid to go out there again. Just to think that I have to use the train we always took together to go to work in London makes me sick. We used to work together for years sometimes even in the same office that is how we met. I avoid taking the train because it brings back memories and I cannot handle it. I am having concentration and memory problems since my husband died suddenly this February. I got the bereavement support money which will run out next August 2024 and a small company pension and I am afraid for my future. I know it sounds silly but I wish I could speak to my husband and that is it just a bad dream and that I wake up and my husband is sitting next to me, holding my hand and saying that everything will be fine again. I am missing him so much, his laughter and his wicked sense of humour, his kindness, his optimism, his advice, his hugs, and kisses - I want him back. Sending lots of love and hugs to everyone.
Hi @Annaessex,
Sorry to hear your struggling so much after your husbands passing. Sending hugs of support.
It sounds like your feeling very overwhelmed with it all, which is understandable, loosing someone who is such a big part of your life is heartbreaking, especially when it’s all so raw & resent. As if the grief of bereavement wasn’t enough, you really don’t need all the financial worries on top of that, 
, what are the pension people thinking, 
.
When we first loose someone, the shock hits us, & I think a lot of people, (myself included,) go into autopilot, it’s hard to think straight like this. You said your bereavement pay won’t run out till August of next year, so at least you have time to figure this out, take it one day at a time, you know you can always talk on this forum, financially I would suggest talk to citizens advice & see what resources are in your area, if there’s any other support you should be entitled to.
Thank you, Pandaprincess. It is such a horrible nightmare we are existing in. I am talking to my husband the whole day today and hugging his urn. But I did manage to put two wash loads on. That is between crying and shaking all over the place. I do not know why I am still here. There is no one who needs me and there is no one I could care for and love. I was only living for him. I cannot see any sense in my situation and why he was taken from me so cruelly and suddenly. I hope I am better tomorrow and go to Grays to finish my shopping. I only can carry my backpack and a bag each time I am going out shopping. By the way, the first and only car I ever had was a Fiat Panda, not the modern one but the old one in white and I put panda stickers on the front. My late Mum and my dog love it. Such a long time ago. Take care for now. Lots of love and hugs.
Keep smiling @Annaessex and remember its hard for all of us on here too ! You’re not alone ! Ive got grown up kids and theyre next to useless xxx