Is there hope?

It’s been 4 and a half weeks since I lost my beautiful mummy suddenly. I know it’s still early but I need to have some hope that this pain won’t last forever. I have been through loss before but this is my mum. Someone I spoke to daily. Missing her so much but I need some hope it won’t always feel this hard to live.

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yes there is hope … I have mourned my mom and dad for five years now.
suicidal depressions …

this week I got notice I have been awarded a small grant for my journalism work.

gives me a new leash on life. some other positive learnings took place.
always know : your parents want you to enjoy life as fully as possible! intending it to be a rich and full experience for you.

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Dear Nicnic,
From my own experience (my mum died in September 2018) and from many posts I have read on here in the last 2 years from others who lost their mum I would say that there is definitely hope. You will not always feel like you are feeling now. 4 weeks is very early days. We will always miss our mums and they will forever be in our hearts and in our minds, but the pain will get less and the loss will gradually feel less overwhelming. xxx Jo

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Congratulations on your journalism grant. I’m really pleased for you. I know she would be telling me off for not eating and she’d tell me to sort myself out for my girls. But feel so lost at the moment. Thank you for your reply xxx

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Thank you for your reply. Feel very lost at the moment and everything feels very overwhelming. She was my best friend and I miss her and I miss not talking to her a lot. It is overwhelming at the moment xxx

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I lost my mum in January last year. I guess I am still in the early stages of grief. I am still looking for hope. I can reassure you that eventually the rawness of your emotions, subsides. It is not as raw and visceral. It is still very early days for you, be kind to yourself and allow yourself time. Talk to your mum, I do all of the time. That helps, it may sound crazy, but I find it helps.

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Thank you… sorry for your loss. I was just saying to someone earlier about talking to her. My sister talks to her but for some reason I can’t seem to do it. I say goodnight to her and tell her I love her but that’s all I can do. Maybe it makes it more real that I can’t talk to her or I’m still in some sort of denial? Been finding myself to be very emotional and not coping with it too well since Mother’s Day xxx

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hi its 5 weeks for my mum since she passed .I feel exactly the same as you .I have wobble days where I cant get out of bed crying for my mum .Other days I’m grateful for my grandchildren being in my life they have been my rock to be honest and my kids and husband I feel very numb still hearing songs seeing pictures all that remind me of my mum .I spoke to my mum every day which I really miss her voice to talk about things .If you need to vent I’m always here Sam

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Thank you Sam. I’m sorry you’re going through this too. I think what makes it harder is not really having many (if any) people around. I have my 2 daughters but they are 7 and 2 and don’t really understand. Which in some ways I’m glad about. But I don’t have adult company to talk to really apart from on here which has been so helpful at times.y husband left 2 years ago and although she wasn’t here with me she was always on the end of the phone every night. I miss her. Realising now she was my only real friend. Xxx

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aah bless you if you need to vent at all I’m here I will message back anytime I’ve nobody to speak to outside my direct family I’m trying to be strong in front of them not to upset them .We are going to wales at the weekend to spread my mums ashes which I’m dreading as I feel it’s the final bit .sam

We’ve not done mums ashes yet. We are doing them at some point over Easter I think. Not really looking forwards to it either. It’s like what then? All forgotten and done? Just feel so lost and sad xxx

aah lovey me too I feel the same about mine .we will keep in touch we can talk anytime .Sam

Thank you Sam. Means a lot. Here for you too anytime xx

You will, in time, get through this.
A Mum is so often seen as the center of a family and the loss is hard to bear.

You might find that in time you can focus on the wonderful, supportive times you shared, rather than the absolute loss you are feeling just now.

Grief and loss really are different for each of us and we deal with them in our own individual ways.

Your Mum will have given you the skills and support in the hope that she has made you strong enough to cope without her. Mum’s do that so well.

Allow yourself time, grieve in your own way and draw on the strength and lessons that your Mum shared with you.

You are never completely alone, others are here to help until you feel you can manage, and you will.

Time brings acceptance of something that cannot be changed.

I am sending you a big hug from this Mum x

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Thank you for your kind and reassuring words Beth.

Means alot

xxx

Hi Beth those are lovely words my mum was the boss so to speak haha I’m struggling not speaking to her everyday .I light a candle every night since shes passed by her picture and talk to her maybe mad but its helping sort of .Sam

when my mum died in 1977 it didnt bother me, because we had not got on for over 10 years, she had tried to stop me from marrying the love of my life, when we were 18. so we took her to court and were granted permission to marry, she told the magistrates, that she thought we were too young and believed that it wouldnt last
when she died i had to attend her funeral, as the army forced me. so i went and never said anything to other mourners about my feelings . I have now been married to my angel in heaven longer than we were married on earth!! eventually i bought my mum a vase with her name on , i dont visit her grave much, as its over 20 miles away, i found out many years ago that, she is buried with her mum, dad and older sister, i forgave my mum many years ago and now think of her lovingly, she.s not the only member of my family that has gone to heaven,

i feel sad for everyone who has lost their mum and understand how much they miss them.
i have written my post because my heart told me it was the right thing to do. i hope that each person finds their own way to cope and grieve in their own way, and eventually reaches some type of peace

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Me and my mum weren’t close for many years. I think I’ve learnt a lot about what made her tick in these last 7 weeks. She was repressed and controlled a lot by my dad. We all were to a degree. He left 15 years ago to run off with someone he met online…. That’s when I started to get to know my real mum. Especially over the last 2 years with covid. And oh my god I’m so glad my dad did leave. The real her was the complete opposite of the person she was when my dad was around. If one thing, I’m grateful I got to know that version of my mum. Just wish I could of known it for a lot longer. Miss her so much.

Sam
If talking with your Mum helps, then it definitely is not mad. If that was he case, many of the people on this site would fit into that category :slight_smile:

Do what you feel is right and try to make the most of what you have rather than wanting what you can no longer have, I think that helps with coping. Be as kind to yourself as your Mum was to you, I am sure she would want that.

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hi everybody sorry I haven’t been on since I went to wales to scatter my mums ashes .I’ve had a few wobbles since .I felt very emotional since as if shes finally gone .Its took me till today to feel anything normal really what ever normal is.We went through my mums clothes and jewelry giving everybody bits my mum wanted to leave to people which was very emotional. I’m starting a new job tomorrow and I’m feeling very nervous about it with not working since mum was very poorly .I’ve just just finished a book called Spirits beside us again healing and comfort from loved ones in the afterlife ,not everyone believes but I do and it has give me great comfort. Sam