Is this a normal feeling

I lost my father around a month ago and it was very unexpected and I can’t stop thinking about him but I struggle to think of good memories as the memories of him before he passed overpower them and I keep going through what happened in my head and I have so many questions about it that I’ll never know the answer to and I feel like I could have done more to help him and just wish I spent more time with him as I was so used to seeing him everyday, I feel like I think about it most the day and when I’m distracted from it something will just remind me of it or I’ll start thinking about it again, I also now feel worried that I’m going to lose all my loved ones suddenly when I least expect it, I just want to know if these are normal feelings and how long they will last as I do not know what stage of grief I’m in, I’d rather speak about it anonymously on here than to anyone in person, a reply would be appreciated thanks

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Dear Ozstin123,

Speaking from my own experience (and those of others I have read about), he feelings you describe sound very normal to me for the stage you are in. It is only one month ago that you lost your dad, and what makes it harder is that it was unexpected.
The memories of the last moments will still be in the forefront of your mind. Over time they will move to the background and you will be able to cherish the happier memories that are stored in your brain. Sometimes this will happen spontaneously, sometimes it will need some will power to re-focus your thoughts.
Feeling worried about losing other loved ones is also a quite natural reaction, but it is best not to dwell on that too much as it may never happen or not in a very long time. I think it is better to make the most of all our relationships and to say and do the things we want to whenever we have the chance.
I hope this answer is helpful. It is good that you have come to this site. You will find lots of people on here with similar experiences. You are not alone.
Jo

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Thanks jo I appreciate your message and it makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone, it just feels like I’m gonna feel like this forever and I can’t leave the house without something reminding me off it which makes me feel like I can’t enjoy myself while I’m out which is why I have mostly just stayed at home since

I can relate to this very much, I too lost my dad very unexpectedly a month ago and I have the same thoughts, I genuinely have nightmares over losing my mum as I just can’t get my head around how one minute someone can be here and then they aren’t. It really does scare me so so much.
I didn’t live with my dad but I am the same and nearly saw him every day for my whole life so adjusting to that is extremely hard.
I found I have also been focusing on how I saw him the day I had to say goodbye and hoping in time I can start to focus on the good times again but you definitely aren’t alone in this feeling and I’m guessing as we are at the same type of stage it is normal for us to be feeling this way.
I hope you can start to remember the good times soon x

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Thanks for your message makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone, I’m glad you can relate to me as there’s probably many people feeling how we feel and I know what you mean I just can’t help but think about him when I saw him and said goodbye and just wish I had knew he was as ill as he was so I could have done more to help him as I feel like I didn’t spend enough time with him as I was so used to seeing him everyday, whenever I go out the house something will just remind me of him which isn’t a bad thing as I don’t want to forget him but I just need to focus on the good memories and I am just dreading certain days of the year like Father’s Day, his birthday and the first Christmas without him, just know hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel x

I lost my Mom 14 months ago and i am suffering bouts of Anxiety - racing heart - painful tight chest - trembling
I feel it will never go and im worried it may be PTSD
I was with her when she died
I started to come to terms with it but the overwhelming feelings have taken over again
I had some counselling but I dont feel it has helped
can anyone share their advice

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I lost my mum to Covid last February. She declined very rapidly after being diagnosed and by the time I was able to see her - I was in full PPE - she was in an unresponsive state, although I’m sure she could hear me talking to her.
For weeks the only image I had of her in my mind was of her in her final hours. I found it incredibly difficult to ‘rewind’ back to happier times with her.
But I got a whole load of photos we have of her and my dad (died 2019) sharing Christmas, Sunday lunches, the children’s birthdays and other family events and spread them around the house. Every room I go into now, there’s happy memories of my mum and dad to see.
Of course I’m still grieving, but the photo memories are making me smile a lot more now!

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yes photos do help
i have some around the house but not enough i am going to do more
thank you for your thoughts

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