This may seem like a stupid question? Where is that fine line between grieving and needing help?
I find myself slipping further into periods of normality and overwhelming sadness. Have I crossed that line?
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That’s a hard question to answer as everyone is different I think if you are feeling more overwhelmed I would probably find help maybe through friends, family, counselling or a G.P x
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I was really reluctant to go down the route of counselling. However I have made the plunge and I am now waiting for an appointment. I have spoken to a couple of counsellors and even though they were brief conversations over the telephone I know that i have made the right decision. I don’t want to go down the medication route as that just masks everything. Grief is personal and different to everyone. We all find different ways of coping with this awfulness.
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I think Counselling is a good idea for anyone who’s grieving. To me, it felt like I was giving up, admitting that I wasn’t strong enough to do this alone. I felt ashamed that I had to ask for help. But it was a lifesaver for me - literally! I had reached the end of my rope and was giving in to the urge to not be here anymore.
Counselling isn’t easy. It makes you face up to issues that you’d rather not see and face parts of yourself that are … uncomfortable. But, if you’re prepared to put the work in, it can really help you learn to live with reality of what you’re going through.
I should add that I’m on the Happy Pills as well. I really fought hard not to be but I couldn’t sleep after I lost Clive and, if I did doze off I had the most horrific nightmares and night terrors. The Happy Pills have, at least made it possible for me to get 4 or 5 hours sleep a night. I still have the nightmares and terrors and I think I always will, but getting some sleep, even if it is just a few hours, makes such a big difference. They’re not for everyone, but they’ve helped me.
If you think that you’re tipping over the edge then you should speak to your GP immediately and ask for Counselling - it can’t hurt and it might help.
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After my younger brother passed away, I had counseling it was a waste of time. The lady who came to our home wasn’t much help, she told me her life story, all I needed was some comfort and compassion. This wasn’t the end of it, as I have already mentioned in an earlier post, my brother and I had a very special relationship. Since I held him all the way home from the hospital where he was born a bond was formed which lasted all his life.
In October 2015, I knew that he had been admitted to hospital, I prayed that he would pull through, I had no idea that he was so ill. On the 5th of November, his phone rang and I thanked God that he was well enough to do so. Much to my horror, I had the sound of my ex-sister in law crying and telling me that John wanted to say goodbye. He took the phone and said “I want to say goodbye”, I asked him if he was dying, he replied, yes love and I want you to know that I love you, sweetheart. I told him, I loved him and to go to his rest and be at peace, we said our goodbyes and that was it. I could not go to his funeral because it was so far away, neither was I well enough. He passed away 2 days later, I am bereft. I love him so much. God appeared to be gathering in my special loved ones, this is why I may appear upbeat, I know that at 80 years old, I will not have that much longer to wait until I am re-united with 3 special people who I love dearly.
Thank you for reading this.
Love,
Mary x
ps our friend held a service for him to start at the exact time our John’s was starting nearly 200 miles away.
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