I lost my dad two months ago very suddenly and unexpectedly due to a freak incident.
I am obviously working through my own grief and shock but I am also supporting my mum who is completely lost without my dad.
They did everything together, they lived for each other and their worlds revolved around the others.
She tells me regularly that she has nothing to live for now, that she doesn’t like her life anymore and that she finds no joy in life.
She has three adult children and three young grandchildren with a fourth on the way.
Is it normal that she feels like this? I find it hard to know what to say when she says things like that. And whilst I do understand that her world has been turned upside down and her life is totally different now; I do find it upsetting that she feels she has no life and nothing to live for.
Anyone’s perspective or experience on this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Flo, it is normal, women of a certain age who have had children and now have grandchildren have spent all those years looking after others. This also includes looking after the man in their lives and her world has been turned upside down because that person has gone. So what is left? That’s how she feels and fortunately she has you that she can tell how she feels, please feel pleased that she can confide in you.
It’s early days but be watchful if she doesn’t change, even if it’s only a little. Older ladies are less likely to ask for help in overcoming grief because they think it’s showing that you are giving in but if that’s needed it will be up to you to deal with the situation. We have counselling and so do Cruse also your local church may have a group that she could attend, they sometimes called ‘living with loss’ and that may help to get her out and meet others in the same position. Please just be kind and thoughtful which I know you are because you have posted to ask for help. Bless you Sxxx
Thank you for replying. It is some comfort to know it’s normal.
I am glad that she feels she can tell me these things. But I feel ill equipped to help her and feel like I say the wrong things in response.
I understand she has lost her soulmate and I am so sad for her. I feel like I have been grieving for my loss but also for her loss too. The circumstances of his death and how unfair it all seems just adds to the sadness.
I don’t know how I can help her. She is usually a very strong willed woman, and I have seen her lose her confidence and strength. I know that is also normal. But I worry she will refuse any help - as she has in the past and will just accept that this is how she will feel for the rest of her life and nothing will help that. I obviously don’t want her to be miserable for the rest of her life, it’s no existence for anybody. But at the same time I know that without him her life feels pointless. So what is the solution?!
She has had a few days where she has seemed much better but I know these days are short lived and bad days will follow. Today is a bad day for her.
Thank you again for your advice.
@Tillwemeetagain Thank you so much for the insight. It is really very helpful. You sound similar to my mum in that she doesn’t crave company either. She has not sought out friends to talk to or spend time with as she says she doesn’t want to socialise. Which I understand.
I am so sorry for your loss and that you are experiencing such pain.
I suppose I want to take her pain away and make it better. But I know that is impossible.
Thank you for replying I really appreciate it.
Take care xx