It all doesn't feel real

We have recently lost my mother in law due to a hit and run. She was an amazing woman who cared for her disabled son and dad. Me and my partner are now the main carers for her daughter son and dad and my own son who is autistic and epileptic. I have moved 300 miles to look after the family who are so strong and resilient and i love them very much. However i am really struggling with my mental health, especially around my menstrual cycle. Im normally the most placid person but i just feel so angry at what has happened. Life has changed in a flash. Im tired all the time. My hair has fell out and ive noticed greys. Ive put weight on, i just dont know how to feel better. I wish i could ring my mother in law so she could tell me what to do. I wish she was here. Its all been like a bbc drama. Ive never felt anything like this before and i doubt ill feel like this ever again. I know i need to have faith that things will get better its just been so hard for all of us.


Hello @Kat2,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mother in law that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

Another good place to get support is Road Peace 0845 4500 355. They offer support for people injured or bereaved by a road accident which you might find helpful.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


Dear Kat2

I am so very sorry you have lost your mum in law in such tragic circumstances. That in itself is unbearable for you. But you have so much more upset in your life you must feel totally overwhelmed. You and your partner are now caring for her family as well as your own poorly son. That’s a huge responsibility and a huge task for you and your partner to undertake and the shock of all this is taking its toll on your own health. It’s no wonder your mental health is suffering, you’d need to be superwoman to do all this! Have you thought of contacting Social Services to see if they can help you? Do you have friends or other family members who could take some of the strain off you? But first I think it’s important that you get your own health sorted out. Please promise me you’ll make an appointment with your doctor about your periods, if you can reduce the problems with your menstrual cycle that will help. But stress and tiredness causes so many problems and with everything you have suddenly had to deal with it’s no wonder your hair is falling out. Please tell your doctor about this I’m sure they will help you. I read your post with so much sympathy, if I could help you myself, I would. It’s important that you first help yourself before you are able to help your family. When you are feeling better you will not feel so overwhelmed and you’ll be better able to cope. I’m glad you have a partner to help you, but please see your doctor as soon as you can. I send you love and strength. xxx