It doesn't get easier

It’s now 14 months since my Darling David passed away, it isn’t any easier, time has not helped, I cry for him , his company , his love , I just wait for the day we can be together again . I try for my children ,slap on the happy face , they have no idea the devastation I feel every moment of every day ,their dad was my everything, How can I move on ? Well I don’t want to without David my life is empty

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Hi Nimms, I’m sorry you feel it’s not getting any easier, have you thought about either joining a bereavement group or having some counselling, Sue Ryder offer counselling, it might be worth you looking into, I’m sure your Husband would’nt want you to continue feeling as you do, sending love Jude xx

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Hi @Nims123 , it’s same for me 14 months since Doug passed. Sometimes it feels like only yesterday others a lifetime away.
Our children are very supportive but they are greiving their dad too. Like you I try to put on a brave front for them, occasionally it slips. I think they would be very upset if they knew just how much emotion is poured out on this site.
This last week has been hard, unsettled at work and did have a mini meltdown over a bus ticket of all things. This weekend has been challenging, went to a friend’s 50th wedding anniversary party, it was hard seeing all those couples, made especially worse when someone asked me where my husband was. My daughter has asked me to go out to May day party today, I’ve said no, trying to be jolly for other people is wearing and always feel the odd person out.
Empty is a good word, I know that feeling. X

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Hi Nimms and Debbie. I’m sorry for your loss. I lost Guy 14 months ago and I like you feel just the same. Totally alone and lost. Family think I should be better by now and they say they don’t know what to say to me so the mask is always on. I live alone in a city that is not my home town. Every day is quite simply hell

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Hi @Elfy, it’s hard isn’t it, I’m sorry for your loss of Guy and you don’t have family near.
Only those that walk in our shoes really know the loneliness and heart break that with with us every day.
Debbie X

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Thank you Debbie g

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Thank you Debbie for understanding, Today ,Bank Hoilday, we would always go out to the coast, lunch out a nice walk , now I am at home alone ,looking at his photo and remembering all the good times we spent together, I’m told this should help but it doesn’t , life without my David is nothing , nothing can replace him and the love we shared , i’ve tried counselling, it was too distressing talking about him

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I found writing to Doug helps, I keep a journal full of letters to him. I talk to him just as if he is still here, it helps to process my thoughts, tell him my worries and how much I miss him.
Now I’ve spent the afternoon watching mindless films that don’t need much concentration. Anything to pass the day. X

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Hi all your messages are just how I feel it’s so hard I have been out today it’s been so hard trying to be ok come home now to empty house it’s horrible so lonely with out my husband it is not getting any easier if any thing harder as I know this is how my life is without him almost been getting through this new life for a year in couple weeks I relive the horrific days when it happened my life changed in one day he was too young I just feel the pain you all are going through I never felt pain like it can we live this life with out our love one beside us I’m not sure he has been my life for 46 yrs lived him so much
Thinking of you all xx

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Hi Nimms,I have just come back from a family wedding where I had to stay over for two nights.I was persuaded that it would do me good but it hasn’t not really.Because I was able to slap a smile on my face and laugh at things,my relatives probably think I am coming to terms with my husband’s death,I’m not.I was told I am over the first hurdle and maybe I am but I see a never ending series of them in the future.I looked normal on the outside to everyone at the wedding but I was crying inside,I did break down once and I have no desire to put myself through that again at the moment.Friends etc want to fix this but they can’t,every little thing reminds me of what I have lost.Just being driven around with me in the backseat of the car instead of sitting upfront with my husband just kills me because he so loved driving.I can’t envisage a time when I will not miss him,time does not heal for me and I’m not sure how I am going to learn to live with it.

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Sweetie I so sorry for your loss I feel like you do time will not heal me how can it my husband is not beside me
It must have been so hard for you to be at the wedding nothing is the same now is it people don’t understand they think we will get over it that just is not possible for me either
Sending you a hug we need to help each other xx

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Thank you Rose45 for your concern.Unless this has happened to you it is impossible to understand the impact losing a partner can have on you.Some people seemto be able to get over the loss easier than others.My Sister in law’s sister lost her husband and as she was quite religous she found comfort in the church.I am not religous really,but I think they believe I should be starting to get out and about,that filling my head with all sorts of things will take my mind off my husband,it won’t,he is always there in everything I do.It is a great comfort to know what I’m feeling is normal and that there are people out there who understand. xxx

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Hi @Sweetie, @Rose45 coming back to an empty house is the worst part of going out.
You are brave Sweetie going to a wedding, I thought I was doing well going to a 50th wedding anniversary party this weekend. It is not exactly the going but the reactions of other people to you. Those that know you, think well they out so must be moving on, or just avoid you as they don’t know what to say. It’s being on your own in a room full of couples and feeling awkward the odd one out.
Somebody at the party, was so embrassed when she asked me where my husband was, she then likened grief to her marriage split.
I do go to church and my belief does give me comfort, but almost 14 months later I still feel the pain, loss, heartache and longing. I’m almost back to where I was when Doug first died. Just been to the cinema with my daughter, spent the last 15 minutes sobbing at the end of the film. We had to wait until everyone had gone before I felt calm enough to leave.
We are all a mess, but we have each other. Love to you all. Debbie X X

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Hi everyone
I do agree with everything said on here. It’s 15months since my darling Jeff died of a sudden cardiac arrest, life can be so cruel he was only 66. I miss him so much, friends & family all say I’m doing well but they’re not here everyday & when you are on your own especially like now a bank holiday weekend it’s even more lonely. I hate my life now, he should be here with me, but it’s good to know that I’m not the only one feeling this way.

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I know just where you are coming from ,

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Coming into an empty house doesn’t get easier , I do talk to David all the time ,telling him how I feel , news from our children , but the pain takes over bcause he is not there to put things right to share, to love , I just want all this pain to stop. How can life even be bearable without him ?

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I’m 14 months as well. Have cried all day. I actually had a date with a really nice man but then he didn’t phone again and this has somehow triggered me. Why? It’s ridiculous. I miss my husband so much why should I have been upset by this. I just want my husband, he died suddenly and unexpectedly.

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Hi Chelmer1,I had lunch with one of my darling husband’s friends who had also lost his wife and I thought it was what I needed to get me through this and would perhaps put me on the path to some sort of recovery.It was a complete disaster,he was the complete opposite to my husband and he also thought I wanted a relationship which he wasn’t ready for either and neither was I.I’m not going to put myself through anything like this anytime soon,I’m just going to take things gently and only go to things that I am comfortable with,I cannot see myself with anyone else and I’m fine with that,if someone wants to be my companion that’s a different matter.I do understand everything you write,I find myself in tears from the strain of putting on a brave face and when things don’t go quite right it upsets me and I just let them flow.If this has not happened to you it is impossible to understand the impact no matter how many times you explain.I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to explain to my brother and he says he understands but really doesn’t,he thinks if I have enough distractions I will move on.I tell him that I take my husband everywhere and in everything that I do and that he will always be a part of me.

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@Chelmer1 & @Sweetie, I am with you both on this.
I can understand why it upset you do much Chelmer1 the smallest thing like being let down can bring on tears.
One of my neighbours who I know very well and lives on his own for a long time. Asked me out, I let him down gently and said no, I was happy being friends but nothing else.
At 14 months on I can’t ever seeing me wanting anyone else, I don’t think anyone will match up to the man I married and lost.

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Thank you so much for your kind replies. Still sobbing, a bad day. I think you’re right in just being sensitive to being let down and this chap held my hand for a minute. I think that kind action just set me off. I so miss someone holding me - when I walk down the street I notice so many older couples holding hands. I just miss that more than anything.

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