Hi Debbie57,it has been 6 months since I lost my soul mate and I don’t want to put him to one side and move on,I loved him deeply and I cannot see me ever meeting anyone who would come anywhere near what I had with him.I put the tv or radio on to fill the void of him not being here,but I can’t listen to music at the moment as some songs bring back too many memories.My brain still won’t let me realise that he has gone,it’s so difficult every day.
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I totally understand, our husband are irreplaceable no matter how many months have past and for you it’s still very early.
It will in time get easier but the loneliness and longing I found has never gone.
I do play music and often have the TV on as background noise anything to stop the house being silent
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I could have written that myself.
It does not get any easier and it still feels like a living nightmare after 7 months.
My wife only had 2 weeks from diagnosis to death, thanks to no personal consultation with our GP.
Keep strong, we all have to.
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I’m so sorry for your loss, they will forever be in our hearts.
You are right GPs did I feel take advantage of lockdown with very limited face to face appointments. How on earth you can tell by a photo or phone call without physically seeing a patient I will never know.
A work colleague has experienced this recently for a skin cancer diagnosis.
Even now you have to wait a couple of weeks for a face to face appointment and my GP practice is one of the better ones where I live. X
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I smile, I laugh, I play my part
But behind that smile lies a broken heart.
A saying I read somewhere but I think it sums things up
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Hi Grandma,you’re absolutely right I slap a smile on my face because it makes people to feel better and they think you are alright and you really aren’t.
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Someone who I thot a friend suggested a night at the bingo " we need a laugh & it will be fun".
This is the “friend” who has barely contacted me - unless she has something to say about her life - nor has her hubby bothered if I have needed help with anything.
I know what I need & it’s not a night at the bingo.
She clearly lives in her own bubble.
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That saying does sum it up friends just don’t get what you going through and good ones that do are very few I have one and family are worse x
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Well said, we can all do without fair weather friends, you certainly find out who your true friends are when you lose your partner.
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You certainly do find out who your real friends are. “We must get together with so and so when I’m off work,I’ll give you a ring”… nothing.Some people seem to think they are doing you a favour speaking to you when you get in touch,so I’m not bothered with them.My darling husband’s family particularly his brother has not been in touch since his funeral in January this year which had been delayed because of Christmas and the New Year.I thought that would happen, I’m sure they would have been no comfort to him if it had been me that had passed away.The funny thing is people you thought wouldn’t think be a comfort and been in touch have really surprised me.
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Strange you should say that, at work one member of our senior leadership team has never been very people friendly and tends to put backs up. Since my husband died she has shown a different side of herself to me, always asking how I’m getting on and how I coped over the school holidays. Always willing to stop for a chat. How I misjudged her, you can never tell.
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Debbie57,that’s such a nice thing to do for you,some people are more empathetic than others,and you only find that out when awful things happen to you.One lady I worked with just left a rose ‘Rembrance’ on my doorstep,how thoughtful of her that was.She didn’t need to say anything,but I know if I really need to I can gt intouch with her.x
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I’ve had the same experience. I agree relatives are even worse than friends. Ive heard all sorts of excuses: “I haven’t been to see you because I thought perhaps you wanted to be alone, defibt feel up to talking, didn’t want to disturb you…”. I think the truth is they feel awkward and embarrassed, don’t know what to say, afraid of saying something that would upset us even more. When I lost my husband in Nov 2020, itt was the first day of our second Covid total lockdown, so only a limited nunber of people could attend church, no house visits allowed, but even a few months later when restriction were uplifted, still no change. I seem to have become an alien, apart from the long flow of phone calls during the first days, now it’s just the odd ‘how are you’ when bumping into friends and neighbors can’t even talk to my parents, they just say the usual ‘life goes on’.
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Hi Solost,I’m so sorry for your loss ,it doesn’t get any easier does it?I was completely blanked by a neighbour a few days after losing my husband,my guess is it was because he simply did not know what to say.I have said to my family I wouldn’t have known what to say in his situation either.If you haven’t been bereaved of a partner you just cannot understand the deep grief that that you carry with you all the time,scratch the surface and there it is.I just think if you can’t be bothered to keep in touch,I’m not going to chase you.I have been so touched by the sensitivity of some like the young man who will be doing my garden today.He was doing the garden when my husband was getting ill,when I told him Kevin had passed away,he said he will do the garden this year for nothing.I was very touched,he said that Kevin was such a lovely man,this is in memory of him,my eyes are filled with tears as I write this,I think it’s going to be one of those days!There are people out there you just have to find them.x
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For people to say - you know where we are if you need us - -
I find that so hollow & insincere and basically they didn’t bother with us before so I don’t want to boost their egos by admitting I could benefit from help or a chat now.
Too caught up with their own little lives but one good friend I have said it’s their problem not mine.
G. X
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Hi
It will be a year next month when Ian passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. In that time too many people have said to me the exact same thing ……,’you know where we are’ or ‘pop in any time’. They just don’t realise how difficult that is and that I would never just pop in as we never did when Ian was alive.
The worst was a neighbour who 6 months after Ian had passed away actually wrote in her Christmas card that she’d been too busy to see me before but could manage a Monday now!!!
Life is so, so hard for those left behind. Everyone gets on with their lives whilst we are left to pick up the pieces of ours……
Look after yourself
Julie x
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Trixie1,I had a neighbour say to me ,“I had you down on my list to popround and see you”. I don’t want to be on someone’s list,a bit like must remember I need a pint of milk! They mean well I suppose but I just felt a bit insulted.Funnily enough her husband just came round and asked if I wanted my grass cut.The thing is you don’t know what is going on in their lives so maybe I am too harsh.Unfortunately at this point I am extremely sensitive to just about everything.
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I have one neighbour that always used to be around our house when my husband was here. Now they only speak if I happened to see them in the street. Another one says come round for coffee sometime, but as she doesn’t actually give a time, I would very awkward just turning up.
But one lady who I only saw in passing before came to see me shortly after Doug died and we have become good friends.
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I do think people feel very awkward when they see you,so I do make allowances and I have struck up a bit of a friendship with a neighbour who lost her husband some years ago so she knows how I feel.I think most people feel as you are still in the land of the living you must be okay.If you laugh at things you must also be okay so they don’t need to worry about you.
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It’s so soothing to hear your stories which reflect exactly the same things that are happening to me. I thought I was the only one experiencing this strange attitude people have. I do feel angry at times and want to shout at everyone and ask them: 'How can you just go about your lives as if nothing’s happened? How can you possibly laugh, have fun, celebrate special days? Can’t you see this huge loss of mine? " I’ve always got that beautiful song in my head: " The end of the world", one of the sons I play and sing on the piano (very amateurial, of course).
Hugs to you all, thank you for being here.
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