I lost my husband of 47 years, eight years ago. We had been together since he was 18 years old. Everyone came to his funeral and told me they would be there for me. What a load of tosh. Even my closest friends stopped ringing me, if I rang them, they were going here, there and everywhere as they still had their husbands.
I hadn’t heard from them for a long time as I had got fed up with being the one to ring them but today, I got a phone call from one of them telling me that another so-called friend’s husband had died. He will be the first husband of a friend to die since my Peter. I will be honest; I did not feel anything at all, I just said I was sorry and that was that. I have no interest whatsoever in what has happened in their lives. I know I sound mean, but I can never forget the hurt I felt when a few weeks after Peter died, I received lots of Christmas cards telling me to have a fantastic Christmas, it was as if they had written the cards without any thought whatsoever.
I will send her a sympathy card but that is it, they hurt me too much and I cannot forgive them for that.
You are not being mean . I was promised the same and only one person has kept in regular contact with me . Show their faces at the funeral and then get on with their own lives , sad but true . Take care.
Love Angie xx
Same here one even promised jim she would look out for me haven’t heard a word since that’s the one that hurts the most cause she promised jim and I feel she’s let him down. You are not mean it’s all the another’s that are thoughtless. It will happen to them one day and I’m going to do the same to them . Jim always said you can count true friends on one hand.
Hi Lonley,
I know how you feel, it’s a year on Sunday since I lost my partner and its been very difficult, I think you find out who your real friends are when something like this happens.
So many people say they understand but really they don’t have a clue, unfortunately for most of them they will find out one day.
It’s a tough road and I have some very supportive friends mostly people I’ve met since Pete died but am also very disappointed in a lot of my so called friends.
Sending hugs
Muldool
Hi Muldool. I get most of my support from online friends , without them i probably wouldn’t still be here . Just 3 people have kept in regular contact with me since the funeral 17 months ago - my Aunt, Uncle and Brother in Law. The rest have gone back into the woodwork.
Take care.
Love Angie xx
Hi Sheila
Not mean at all. All those people that came to the funeral yet never been in touch since. Do we become invisible… Even his family have cut themselves off and I have no idea why as we got on so well. I wrote to them many times but never had a reply. In my last letter I said my door would always be open to them if they had a change of heart but you know what… I would slam the door in their faces now.
You’re right, I am fortunate in many ways in that I do have a few very close friends and a huge family, being one of 8 children. My bothers plus wives and sister have been very supportive. I also have one beautiful friend who visits me most Wednesdays and has done since David passed. We laugh together and we cry together. That’s a true friend. I am very close to my son and he now does lots of little handyman jobs my husband would have done. My daughter was invaluable during the first year of my grief, visiting, messaging etc. I also go out to work 5 days a week and I’m grateful for that. So yes, I am fortunate. However, I still yearn for the one person who enhanced my life the most…
I am so happy that you are surrounded by a loving family and friends, and I totally agree with you that the one person you want and need the most is not there anymore.
My sister died 30 years ago, and the rest of our family died much earlier than that so since Peter died, I have only had our sons who told me when their dad died that I had enough money to pay for jobs to be done and not to ask them as they were busy people, so I never did ask them. It didn’t stop them wanting thousands of pounds from me to pay off their debts when they both got divorced a few months after their dad died.
I will be honest; I prefer to now be on my own because the only time I see one of our sons is when he wants a bed for the night as he is going out with friends in my town. He has moved further and further away from me, our other son who lives 15 minutes away with his family, pops in every few weeks for an hour and spends his time looking in my fridge and cupboards to see what goodies he can take home with him, which I have put a stop to. They are both in their 50’s, living in four bedroomed homes with three bathrooms and flash cars, so a bit old for scrounging.
I live day to day, i.e., get up in the morning and depending on the weather decide what I am going to do.
This is a life I never thought I would end up with, not once did I think that I would be on my own, which is stupid really as we are all born to die. I thank God for sending me my soulmate and for giving me so many years of love and devotion and so many wonderful memories.
One day, our sons will look up from their mobile phones and find I am no longer here, and I hope they regret not keeping the promise they made to their dad before he died when he asked them to look after me when he had gone.
Hi Lonely, I know just what you mean. I lost my Bob 7 years ago, we’d been married 41 years. Like you many people came to his funeral and said the same things but sadly they all seemed to forget after 6 months, even his brother and sister-in-law.
I have 2 really good friends who keep in touch regularly but unfortunately they’ve moved to Spain so I don’t see as much of them as I used to.
People just don’t think before they say things so they just forget about you.
I’m retired so find it hard during the day as I don’t even have the business to run anymore.
I have 3 grown up children and sometimes, they all live within 5 minutes walk but sometimes I feel that all I’m any good for is looking after grandchildren.
Sorry to go on.
Take care of yourself.
Santa
Please don’t apologise because I totally understand how you feel, and I am so sorry for you because I know what you have been through and are still going through. It was eight years for me this year since my Peter died and even though I have found a different way to live my life, it is a life I don’t want or even like.
Peter and I also looked after our three grandchildren from them being very young after we retired at 60, (Peter took early retirement with me due to his deteriorating health,) and even when Peter was ill for the following eight years before he died, we still looked after them in the school holidays and at weekends and I looked after them after Peter died. Now they don’t need child minding anymore as they are teenagers, I never see or hear from them. I still send cheques in their birthday and Christmas cards but never get a thank you from them.
We have a nearly 5-year-old grandson, but I only look after him if they are stuck for a child minder, so I don’t see him very often.
I have become a sort of recluse as we have a bus service that only runs when the birds fly backwards so it is taxis all the time and they are expensive, so I do everything online which doesn’t help me getting out. I would love for our family to pick me up and take me out for the afternoon as we used to do for my mum. I get sick and fed up with seeing photos of them out and about raising a glass and saying, “cheers mum”. I have said before, one of these days they will look up from their mobile phones and I won’t be here.
I have even bought myself a Lanyard so I can hang my mobile phone around my neck all the time in case I fall because I know for certain that if something happened and I could not get to the phone I could be laying there for weeks.
Old age is depressing, I am 80 years of age now and the future looks bleak.
I too, like being on my own. In fact I need that quiet time so sometimes I really have to make it happen. Even though I have that big family, I can still feel so very alone. I never felt alone when David was here.
It’s a sad fact that family can be a disappointment at times. We never know what our children will grow up like. I try to look for the positives in everything but it’s not always easy.
You mentioned in another post how you send cheques for birthday and Christmas without never receiving a thank you. Now that really is a bugbear of mine. So much so that I’ve stopped sending in the past. When our children were younger, they always sent thank you letters to those who had been kind enough to send them presents. Nowadays they tend to send text messages of some sort.
I’m afraid the younger generation aren’t like us Sheila. Society has changed and not for the better, in my opinion. I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and she said she was worried about her sons. She told me how they work hard all day and then they have to go home and cook the dinner, bath the kids, do the housework etc. Goodness knows what their wives are doing. My husband always came home from work to his dinner cooked for him. I was a housewife but unfortunately there is no such thing anymore. I don’t know where or how it all went so wrong. Goodness Sheila, I have gone off on one…
Let’s make today our rant day! !
My husband always said they just come when they want something. He was always asked to do small jobs for them, which he willingly did - he often said it would be nice if they offered to pay for whatever he’d bought.
Facebook has a lot to answer to, I find out after the event when son & wife have been somewhere with her parents, been for a meal etc.
I get a visit on a Sunday.
One granddaughter told me a few years ago that we didn’t give her very much for Xmas, (compared to other grandparents)
when asked what we had given - she didn’t know!!!
Money in an envelope now for the family.
Our son works from home and does his fair share too - that’s how the younger ones do things now.
Hi there ladies
Can I join in with the rant.
I agree with everything you have said. I hate facebook and texts. My daughter moved to Spain and forgotten I exist after she asked me to send her some money and this was just after losing Brian. Never a word since I sent her the money. Apparently she can’t be bothered because I won’t use facebook. My son texts me and tells me he love me but rarely a visit.
I am lucky to have my grandson and family and they do visit from time to time but are busy with their workload and family. I told them I wouldn’t be spending Christmas with them this year as I really didn’t want to drive home in the dark so they have said they will come to me instead which I am really grateful for.
But I agree, what do the wives do these days. My father or husband would never have come home and had to cook their own meals. I made sure there was a decent meal on the table every day.
Love to you all on this miserable day (well it is here anyway)
