Hello everyone,
I have tried strong. I have tried giving it time. Right now I am approximately 1yr and 2 months since my beloved husband passed away, so, so suddenly.
I know categorically that he never wanted to leave me. In one day my life was turned upside down.
The bottom line is that it is shit. The silence. The anxiety. The doubt. The longing that he will just come back…even though you know it will never happen.
Grief is a problem that CANNOT be solved because the person who left can never be brought back. So it’s our job to patch the problem in the meantime.
Time doesn’t heal. Distraction does help. Finding an interest you can engage in that takes your mind off the grief is good. We are all just bandaging up the wounds every day to embark on yet another shitty day without the one we love.
And occasionally there are sparks of hope. From people you had never met before, from people that have just met you. They never knew “us”. And sometimes that is ok. And sometimes they just like you, they want to help you. Even though sometimes you don’t like yourself.
I wish I could heal all the hurt out there. Grief is the most all consuming emotion there is. Sending love and much needed distraction
Xx
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It is so true what you say. I feel so lost and as you say distraction doesn’t help x
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Hi Nel, I think that distraction can help just fill the time. But it doesn’t really help us truly heal. Does time help us heal? Well it creates space between the event of the loss and where we are now. The distraction fills the void perhaps. Who knows??? Bottom line is that it is just shit xx
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I agree distraction does help. It didn’t at first but now I feel I’m better when out with people or just out at the shops or for a walk. It’s so hard to keep busy all the time though. It seems to be all or nothing. Been on my own a lot this week but today I went swimming, went to a neighbours for a cuppa and been to my daughters for tea tonight. Tomorrow nothing planned so back to trying to keep busy.
Good luck to everyone on here dealing with this awful grief xx
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Dear Loveforever,
I’m a Sue Ryder volunteer and wanted to welcome you to this site; You have already had responses and it’s good to see others giving you their experiences too.
Yes, where you are now and how you are feeling is the pits, in fact it is hell. In the depths of grief there is nowhere to go, and no help big enough to make loss bearable.
I hope you find the comfort and space to say exactly what you feel on here, the kindness of others is truly inspirational as you are already finding. Do try grief counselling when you are ready, however far down the line it is. And keep communicating on the griefchat, because we are here to help.
with my sympathies,
Miche24
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Hi Loveforever,
You have summed up how I feel. My husband died 24 weeks ago today. It feels so raw, so painful. He would have had a big birthday tomorrow and we would have done something nice. When he got ill fairly suddenly he said it was a birthday he would never get to. It is so tough. Friends are great and so are family but in the end I feel it is only people in the same situation, you guys and girls out there who truly understand. I’m struggling today and I am nor looking forward to tomorrow. Distraction helps. I did nice things with the kids today, they are quite young so not much time for sadness. But when I am by myself or memories creep in it gets so hard. Memories are beautiful but so painful at the same time.
So yes, I think distraction, doing nice things and letting the tears flow when it all gets too much.
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Hi Kathy,
I will be thinking about you today. I am glad that my post helped you. Sometimes there just literally are no words, but just knowing that other people truly understand does help.
I agree with you on memories. I recently moved country to be closer to my family and every single item I moved has a memory connected to it. Some days they make me happy, other days sad. So difficult to find the balance.
Take care xx
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Hi,
What you wrote totally resonated with me, I agree with every single word. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and that you are struggling so much and I wish I had an answer for you.
My husband died in February this year after a 15 month battle with cancer and this has been the most heartbreaking few months. I can’t get my head around the fact that I will never see him again, hear his laughter, hold his hand, smell his aftershave…
Grief is a temperamental friend to have, sometimes sitting quietly in the corner and sometimes hitting you right in the gut, but always there. And the person we look to for support and comfort is no longer there. I think all we can do is try to find whatever we can to try to ease some of the pain… Music, walking, the sea, gardening, spending time with supportive family and friends. Whatever soothes the mind a little bit.
Sending peace and hugs,
Take care,
Amanda
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Hi all and sorry for everyone,s loss I can’t agree more with the posts . Today is a strange day for me as its been 12months today when our world crumbled, today is when had a bleed on the brain that turned out to be inoperable brain tumors. Carole had been fighting the good fight against stage 4 melanoma and was on treatment that was working to extend life then it wasn’t the cancer had spread to her brain.
I like the rest of you try to fill my days with activities to keep me from total melt down but on days like this and knowing the first anniversary will be coming up in acouplevof months I have started to relive all the hospital visits leading upto her death.I was looking back at my whatsapp messages and didn’t realise how long she spent on hospital in the final months of her life.
I don’t think that any amount of activities will take away the pain of her loss, but I am also glad that she is not in pain anymore so many emotions 
.
Going for a walk now try to rid my brain of these sad feelings.
Sorry for the waffle.
John
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Hi all and thank you for your kindness and thoughts. John, thank you for sharing what happened to you.
Anniversaries are really difficult because the one person you want won’t be there to share it.
We went for a nice family meal which my husband would have approved of I’m sure. I hope he’ll be smiling down thinking ‘what a racket’.
I know what you mean about hospital visits coming back in your mind. I get those too, it’s flash backs in vivid details. It is tricky how to handle those. The positive thing I can hold on to is that I could help and support him and he wasn’t alone.
I don’t think time is a healer (I hate it if people say that) but it gives a chance to learn to live with the pain.
Lots of hugs xx
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It’s now 3yrs 6mths, since I lost my love, and while it doesn’t feel like it now, it does get better. You will always have loss and grief but you will learn to live with it xx
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My husband died 29 12.21 and …its just shit is my answer to anyone who asks how I am …its the perfect sentence that discribes losing someone you love so very very much . The posts discribe how horrific things are .Sometimes, occasionally I have a normal feeling inside, it doesn’t last long but I am so grateful to not feel . .sad,scared, anxious, devastated, depressed, just for a short time. Just want to hold my husband again…but I know it won’t happen…so tell myself to pack it in and do something. Had a puppy which has helped, he is so loving and happy …would post a picture but I’m rubbish with technology. Wonder if there will ever be a day when I don’t cry .I have good support from friends and grandchildren .It’s just he was only 53 and died suddenly…thanks for letting me post this …love to you all x x x x
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My husband died in sept last year and it’s just shit definitely sums it up doesn’t it. I totally get what you mean about feeling normal for a little while but you are right it doesn’t last long. Hopefully these ‘normal’ feelings will happen more often and last longer in time.
Take care xx
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It is shit absolutely shit.
I get that feeling normal for a bit then boom the pain bolts right in and stays put, I guess we will eventually have that normal feeling for a bit longer and I hate TIME IS A HEALER, we have no choice but to find skills to cope.
I keep busy to the point I end up completely shattered and then I have a few days in doors crying, feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and really wondering what is my life now, IT IS SHIT.
Sending hugs
Amy x
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I totally agree its totally Shit Shit Shit, and more Shit, I had a couple of days last week were although I still had the pain etc etc of the Greif but I was able to control my emotions a bit better, this lead me into a false sense of security thinking have I turned that corner ?, but come the weekend I was back to square one, couldn’t stop crying ,thumping the walls and worktops in anger and frustration again, dreading this bank holiday, although the family are having a garden party I don’t want to go without my beautiful wife being with me, who I lost suddenly in Jan 2022,i will make the effect to go but not sure how long I will be able to stand it with my wife being there, Thanks for the rant (It does help) Take care Mickere x
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I agree my darling Garry passed away on 17th December life is just so terrible lonely now. All the family are grown up.So it’s just never ending days and nights
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Have my 3 grandchildren here with me for the holiday they are lovely…but still have that physical aching inside…and yes the lonely nights …and days even with people around…I’m going away overnight with friends this weekend, am worried about getting emotional, which I know I will at some point… love to you all x x x
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I lost my mum 4th February 2021, and ever since life has been shit. She was everything to me, loved her dearly and still do.Since she passed nothing has gone right for me, feel everyone is against me. Life is so hard being alone. Thinking of you all. Xx
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Hi
I feel the same as you I hate going out with anyone at the moment partner died 7 months ago. I shout and scream for him to come home and still have all his clothes I do not want to get out of bed on the morning and face another lonely day. I live in a very remote place so never see anyone we had no children. I have one good neighbour who I depend on but I do not want to drive her away with all this grief I carry. Hope for a reply Jessica
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Hi Jessica it’s 5 months for me …I too shout for him…his Christmas presents are still in the bedroom, iv cried every day …sometimes think I’m going mad …I keep alot of grief to myself ,afraid of pushing my friends away …they are good to me …I just want my husband back …I cannot believe I will never hold him again… only feel safe when I am home …I used to feel anxious and have anxiety every day …that has eased a little now …sending love to you all x x
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