So true, how can we suppress our grief enough to function without suppressing their memory .
Doing anything hurts doesn’t it, if it’s something you used to do together it changes from a happy memory to a sad one, likewise trying to make a new happy memory on your own turns sad because they’re not there.
4 Likes
Oh Mary I’m so sorry that you are not with your husband celebrating your anniversary it’s so hard and very sad hope you have family with you to help you hold onto the memories you made together that is all we can do so sorry for your loss
Love to all struggling today xx
2 Likes
You are entitled to feel sorry for yourself today these special days are hard to get through especially when you had so many plans.
Try and focus on the good times. Hope your day is as good as it can be x
3 Likes
Oh @Jodel712 I do hope you are right about this getting less shit. I only lost my girl in May this year so comparatively recently, but I’m really struggling with the pointlessness and crushing devastation all day. I have to be busy at the moment seeing lawyers, agents etc, selling our holiday home, starting to contact banks etc - and that is a temporary diversion for minutes, and then my brain shuts down (apparently to protect me from me) and nothing is real. Congratulations on “less shit”, I’m going to try to hold on to that thought…
1 Like
Hi Denis
There’s so much to do initially when our loved one dies it does keep your mind busy. Can I make a suggestion, we had & still have a holiday home. My initial reaction was to sell it but I stepped back a bit & thought how hard we both worked for it & it was going to be our home in 2020, once I’d taken early retirement. It’s in Spain & my first visit back was hard, went with my sister & the inheritance process there was difficult. But when I went back again on my own, I really felt him there & it’s a great place to go for me now where it’s just me & him. I know everyone is different but I’m glad I didn’t go with my initial thoughts.
Take care x
1 Like
My husband died unexpectedly whilst out cycling last November and yes life is shit! And I don’t really see how it becomes less so. I get up go through the motions of doing stuff and seeing people. It’s living a ‘pretend’ life, a life when people tell me I’m doing ‘so well’ what ever that means. Friends and family are so kind but obviously I can’t explain to them that when I’ve done nice things with them it just makes me feel more bereft and lost when I come back to the loneliness of my house. Weekends and evenings, as others have said, are awful. I could go on and on. At least on here I know I don’t have to pretend
7 Likes
Hello Janr,
I’m sorry that your husband has died. I really feel for you. My husband died five months ago. I can understand what you say about coming back to the loneliness of the house. Sometimes I just feel like a spare part now. As you say, at least on here we can express our true feelings. Sending a big hug your way.x
3 Likes
@Janr - I get exactly the same “you’re doing so well “. I have no choice! I don’t want this life and didn’t choose it. I know people don’t know what to say but I struggle to know how to reply to that.
I still feel as if this is all a bad dream that I may wake up from. How can he be gone? It makes no sense to me when he was only 55 and fit and active.
We will keep going, because we have to, but life is not worthwhile now. I’m glad I have my son and his partner as without them I’m not sure what my role in this new life would be. Take care x
3 Likes
Hello Flossy,
Friends tell me I am strong but I am far from it. I find my life is pointless now and can find no joy in anything. I can’t see my life getting any better as what I do every day will not change. I am going to move house eventually but will have to give careful consideration to the area I choose. I hope life improves for you.x
3 Likes
Don’t blame your late wife for smoking, everyone used to smoke. My wife and I smoked together for over 40 years, we loved it. She got lung cancer and I wonder whether it should have been me.
1 Like
Thank you for your reply. I guess we just take each day, each hour as it comes. I keep being told to be kind to myself but I don’t really understand what that means! Thinking of you
1 Like
Hi I’ve been told that as well but I don’t really know what it means either. I suppose it’s doing things that you like maybe going to a spa for a massage or having your nails manicured.xI
1 Like
Hi Barbara, I’ve thought about the question of feeling sorry for oneself. It’s one of the ingredients in the powerful cocktail of emotions we feel but I think it is to be avoided. I have felt it but it is negative and could be a slippery slope to depression and feeling even more miserable. I think it is to be avoided.
2 Likes
So fed up of feeling sad,and randomly crying…not posted in a while but still feeling rubbish…6 months for me now …have had some alright days and then …bang …hits you again…miss my husband…love to you all feeling the same …x x
6 Likes
@Scrappydave - 6 months for me too and I’m in the same state as you describe. Some days I think I’m doing ok. I get through a day without too many tears and then the next day I’m in bits again.
I’m working so have to keep going but it’s so hard.
Friends and family help but I’m so lonely and I can’t say that part is getting any easier. I accept invitations because I know I should but I’d quite happily stay at home with my dog. Nothing seems to help.
I hope we both start to feel better soon. Take care x
6 Likes
Feeling for you! Just over 7 months for me had a couple of good weeks whilst my daughter was with me but now …. Today all I can hear is Phil’s voice. He loved the hot weather being outside, sitting listening to music under the apple tree. I just miss him being here doing nothing
I’m glad I found this site, no one expecting anything from you
8 Likes
And it’s the never knowing when the bang of sadness hits you …take care
2 Likes
Sending love again…to everyone feeling this …Thankyou for messages …definitely feel comforted being part of this site …Thankyou
I feel for everyone on here. I’ve just been reading since I joined and not felt able to comment until now. I lost my lovely husband Ron suddenly and unexpectedly mid May and hate waking up every morning to my shit new reality! Recent comments really echo how I feel. @Janr I totally get it when you say ‘I just miss him being here doing nothing’ as that is totally how I feel about my Ron. This lovely weather brings no joy either. We too loved our garden be it pottering, doing crosswords, having family pop in, enjoying food whilst listening to music etc. and getting out for nice walks, I miss that so much. Family and friends are so kind asking me to go out places/visit them for tea etc. however I feel as that I’m only there because of my situation it makes it feel worse. Thinking of everyone going through this too x
3 Likes
Morning all.
31st May my amazing wife Mandy died .
I’ve had decorators in doing 3 rooms that desperately needed doing , they are now lush, I felt good and Mandy knew I had this planned when she was going through her final weeks in the hospice.i felt proud yesterday to have it all done , I felt good then last night bang ….
Sobbing , meltdown utter grief and tears that she wasn’t here to see it .
I’ve been doing ok or so I thought . I’m missing her touch , the little kisses on her head I gave her .
I often say we shouldn’t let grief take over us but sometimes it has to to start to heal.
I lie in bed this morning, it’s empty , just me . I reached across to feel her , nothing . It’s shit.
4 Likes