It isn't getting any easier

I lost my husband last December 10th and it would have been 48years on the 23rd December. It is not getting any easier with time. I have a wonderful family and we are very close. I really miss his physical presence. I am really trying for me and my families sake to move on but i just can’t stop thinking about him. I do have some happy times with memories but it is not enough. I sometimes wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. I wouldn’t harm myself because the family are still grieving but I just want to be with him.

Hi Gran68

It’s a very hard time of year and you have just reached that 1 year milestone. Must have brought a lot of that initial pain back for you. Christmas tends to make us all reflect anyway so double whamey eh?

You need to look after yourself and try to share some of that grief with those closest to you who I am sure have felt much of your sorrow in their own reflections over the past year. If you are feeling too overwhelmed speak to your GP. You just need to get through each day in the hope that the next will be better. It’s good to talk and it’s also good to keep contributing to these pages and supporting others on here trying to deal with their own grief.

I was feeling so low a few weeks ago and indulging a wee bit in what had past after a few hard years and then losing my mum several months ago. I truly believe that these pages have helped me.

Please keep coming, I know I will. I have visited these pages at least twice a day since finding them, been a true blessing for me and I hope you will find that too.

Take care of yourself, warmest wishes…x

Hi pepper
Thank you so much for your response I do know that I have to accept that he is gone and I have got something from my doctor to help me through it just seems so hard. My family is amazing but it’s not quite the same as talking to your partner. I will have to try to get through I know. I cannot live in the past.

Hi Gran 68, how are you today?

You will accept it but in time, you know you’ve got a wee bit of a struggle in the weeks ahead of you but try to draw from the love of your family. Come on here and join some of the threads if you can’t talk to or want to protect your family. Saves bottling it up.

I talk to my mum every time I go into her room. I have a picture of her and Dad on her bedside cabinet and I go visit them at the cemetery every week and just let them know how I’m feeling and whats been happening. I pray to my mum, I’m not a deeply religious person but she was and it all makes me feel a bit closer. Anything that helps.

I’m wishing you strength and a peaceful Christmas ahead, remember tomorrow’s another day and it may be a better one than today…x

Hello Gran68. I truly empathise with you as your thoughts echo my own although my timespan of grieving is a fair bit shorter than yours. Especially wishing to go to sleep and not wakening. I have sent a few private messages recently but have become so despairing and withdrawn I have even withdrawn from exchanging comments on the very site that may offer a comfort in some way. How desperate is that. Neither my Husband or myself are Christmas people so I won’t miss Christmas in that sense, but I don’t think I am up to seeing the freshness and newness of a new year and my husband not being part of it - I wish I could have taken his place.

Hi Tina,can understand that you are becoming withdrawn and might not want to speak on here all the time just remember though that even if it hasbeen a few days,weeks or months people will still be here to talk and you can private message me anytime.I to felt like you and I got told of for thinking like that but we can’t help it,its because we are iso heartbroken that we just want the pain to go away.Hang on in there we are going to feel like this for a long time but keep thinking of the good times you had that’s what’s keeping me going at the moment.Take care and thinking of you.x

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement Skylark. I have made a few open posts since my self-imposed isolation as hiding away was not bringing me any more comfort. Take care Skylark and thanks for invitation of private messaging.

Losing someone you loved and who was an important part of your life is so difficult to deal with. If the person you have lost meant alot to you and was an important part of your life then it is going to take you much longer to to deal with the great sense and feeling of loss, realistically a few years initially. Many people, even friends and family will not understand how you are really feeling and what you are going through. The more you loved the person in life then the the harder it is to deal with the loss of that person and the grieving will go on for much longer. This is the reality of losing someone you genuinely loved in life.

Many thanks for your wise and kind reply. I was just thinking I wish it was still 2016 as that was a year we were both together in. 2017 is the first year that we won’t have seen together. That hurts - if that makes sense. Yes, it truly is very difficult.

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