Silverlady - a few years ago Jack and I tallied about moving closer to one of our girls because I do by that in 10 years time we would be driving 40 min witch way very often.
I had no plans to move after Jack’s death - and a house come up for sale in front of my daughters so …
Do I feel sad about leaving my house? I do, I love my house the memories I have etc but I know that th memories only exist in my mind and heart and where ever I go my memories will be with me - would I let be my new house? Probably because the decision feels just right and I know Jack is behind it.
Sadie
Dear OAP
Thanks for your compliment. I think I’ve come to the realisation that to move would be somewhat like running away. As you say - all my memories are in our house right back to 1971. Today is Anne and I 50th Wedding Anniversay and I’m in shreds. Anne missed it by a few months - but I still say we were married 50yrs. That’s half a century. At nearly 74 how the dickens do I start again? I can’t see a future, yet dwelling on the past upsets me. I have good support from a very kind neighbour and his wife plus our two children but Anne is still missing and will never be home again apart from in my heart. I know she is still with me and always will be and that gives me some peace. But I just hope that one day say soon I’ll never wake up in the morning leaving this all behind me. Sorry to be so negative, its one of those days I’m afraid.
Love and Light.
Geoff.
Geoff I feel for you today it would have been a special day , did you have anything planned a meal out etc , maybe take your children or good neighbours out for a meal , talk and remember your happy wedding day and life together with them and have a toast to Anne and your life together . There is always a better day tomorrow go fishing and reminisce.Good luck
Geoff , my wedding anniversary was in the end of July and it would have been 43 years - I celebrated it - made nice meal, had some nice wine and asked Jack to be with me - it was sad but so comforting - I felt him with me and I was grateful and blessed we had our lives together
Sadie x
Geoff I feel so much for you today. But as our daughters say try and turn the tide and say what would your Anne say to you she would probably say I am with you so think about me all the time and toast me with your favourite beer. She is in your heart like my Ron is and I talk to him a lot. we always said just because one of you have passed you are still married. . Even this week it was our 54th Anniversary and my family wished me well on our Anniversary so I am saying to you Love and hugs on this your special day with your Anne. xxx Carol xxxx
evening Pat, I started using the phrase a couple of weeks ago, I can resonate with it and feel it does help a little.
I had made a couple of new friends since Alan passed, had a major parting of the waves with one, things didnt feel right and I started asking Alan for help and guidance. he helped me but not in the way I was expecting. yet it had the desired effect. the other new friend is the wife of one of Alan’s friends, we meet up occasionall. feel nothing can fill the emptiness. I have been away a cold of times for short breaks but not for an actual holiday if you know what I mean. not sure if I’m ready for that yet. although went to New York with our daughter for 5 days, and we’ve booked to go on an 11 day cruise March 2021, by booking so far in advance we have saved £2,000. it’s a cruise to Norway and Iceland. never been on one before, giving me something in the future to think about.
hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today
Hi Jen, sorry for the delay in replying been kept busy this weekend entertaining moody grandchildren.
I just can’t become interested in holidays or breaks the thought of it frightens the life out of me. I have no one to go with or would want to in case I can’t cope.
Our holidays were always walking ones and to do it on my own would make it all the more obvious that Brian wasn’t with me, although I do manage here.
Never done a cruise because of our love for walking. Perhaps one day I will be able to face a holiday but at the moment happy to be at home with the dogs and walking locally. Remaining in my comfort zone I’m afraid.
Had a very vivid dream about Brian last night. Had missed his contact for a while and been asking him to come to me. In the dream we was dancing. A slow dance with our arms around each other. I woke up with a smile on my face for a change.
Evening Pat, hope you don’t mind responding but I have noticed you enjoyed walking with Brian. I had joined a walking group before Jimmy passed away, his walking was round the golf course 5 days a week. I joined as I was not in a good place mentally through work issues. Loved it. I fell away for a short period after I lost Jimmy, but then started walking again. I am now planning a solo/group walking trip to Holland/Germany/Belgium next year. It’s not easy, I understand that it’s not something everyone can do, but for me it’s part of my healing journey and whatever I do on my own I’m not alone, my man is right by my side. My home is the most wonderful place to return to.
Love
Sandra x
Yes can thoroughly recommend walking. It’s extremely therapeutic. I have always loved the countryside although I was born a city kid. Fortunately moved when I was about 11 yrs old. Originally I was always enjoying the countryside but it was from the back of a horse. Then years ago after an accident I took to walking with my dogs instead and found the true meaning of being with the dogs and enjoying all that was around me at the same time. When I married Brian he too liked walking and we took up cycling as well. When I retired I was a lost soul and joined the local Ramblers which helped me quite a bit although I overdid the mileage and got foot and back problems then. I am fortunate to live in a wonderful area for walking. This is why I don’t feel the need for holidays. I have all the beaches I need as well as all sorts of countryside to keep me occupied and like you my home gives me peace. My dogs are my comfort blankets and I couldn’t imagine being away from them.
Unfortunately although I still love walking I now find it difficult to be with groups of people, I’m just not ready and without Brian it seems so different. Thankfully I can cope on my own with the dogs so perhaps in time I can go with groups again. I too feel Brian is with me, so I am not alone. He made me promise just before he died that I would take him with me wherever I went walking.
My home is my sanctuary.I struggle to go out anywhere especially now at Christmas.Maybe it’s seen as running away from reality but it’s the only way I know of coping.I will make more of an effort in the New Year but it’s so,so hard
Jill, Take your time, do what makes you feel comfortable. You will know when you are ready. One step at a time
I changed drastically, something I never expected. From enjoying company I found that apart from family I preferred to be on my own. Perhaps because I never knew when emotions were going to take over and on my own I felt safe.
We both enjoyed walking and are ramblers but I found groups too much of a struggle so prefer to walk alone with just the dogs. I was a walker long before I met Brian so used to walking alone. I kept the allotments going and now pleased that I did as they have been a distraction but when there are ‘get togethers’ I just can’t cope, yet we was both on the committee. Everyone is kind but I just make a hasty retreat to my plots and usually have a good cry. However I will get there one day and be able to cope. I have now started dance classes so that is something new. We are all different and whilst some people throw themselves into volunteering or group activities I found this wasn’t going to be my way. Your not running away, your trying to come to terms.
I simply wait for life to come to me and like me, you will know when your ready.
Bless
Pat xxx
Thanks Pat.I actually want to go into town tomorrow.I will ignore Christmas decorations everywhere.I may not stay for long,I definitely can’t have a coffee anywhere.I can’t do things we used to do but I have to do this.It might take a few days to get over it but I figure the more I do it,the easier it will get,I hope x
Hi Jill, you have the right idea making yourself do these things but don’t pressure yourself. It took me ages to manage the town and going to the supermarket was awful. I found myself crying all the time. This is just so not me. Even now I feel a bit stressy when in town. I don’t go to the places we went to for a meal. I have stood outside but don’t want to go in. What’s the point without Brian. We never went for coffee together as I don’t drink coffee and dislike the smell, it makes me feel sick so Brian would go on his own but when I pass the coffee shop he liked I look inside and remember when he would be sat by the window smiling at me. It takes time.
Good luck tomorrow
Pat xxx
I don’t really see myself as making myself do it but I can go in stores that Rob never liked going in and there were quite a few of those!I want to get a cooking for one cookbook,nothing fancy,I like plain food.