It’s exactly 11 months today that I lost my Dad, my confidant, my best friend, my protector, my rock, my absolute world. That means that in exactly 4 weeks, I’ll have endured a whole year without you and I think my word choice there is important: I have endured it. I don’t enjoy things anymore. It’s harder to look forward. I don’t feel the same zest for life as I once did because I know that now whatever I do, whatever I may achieve, I don’t have you to share it with anymore. Everything seems a lot more hopeless.
In the last 11 months, I have planned your funeral myself, I emptied your place of your precious belongings, I’ve grieved, I’ve felt heavy, I have cried more tears than I thought even possible to produce, my partner moved in, I bought a car, I opened 2 savings accounts, I braved my first tattoo for you, I’ve cooked most of your favourite meals, I sold your bike, I picked up your ashes and had them made into a necklace I take everywhere, I scattered you in your favourite places, I’ve survived a pandemic, I’ve lost friends, made new ones, finally went back to work, finally went back to University, I went to therapy, I still am in therapy, I saw a medium and heard from you, and I still feel you with me at times. There has not been a single day in all of this that I haven’t thought about you and what you would say to me. The amount of days I couldn’t sleep just thinking of all our memories, the good and the bad. All of our sayings, inside jokes, special moments that we shared because you were the most honest and genuine person in my life. I could truly be myself around you. You gave me constant validation, reassurance and showed me what unconditional positive regard is, a true and dignified gentleman that I feel incredibly proud and honoured to call you my Father. I promise to continue to do my best to make you proud. I promise to continue to hold you in my heart and try to live a full life. I promise to continue to be brave, to be the daughter you’ve taught me all my life to be: brave, courageous, contrite, loving, loyal, kind, understanding and patient.
Miss my pops so so much.
I think you’re all of those things Steph. Be proud of yourself. xx
What a beautiful tribute to an adored Dad. He would be so proud of you. You can live your life in memory of him. Keep strong. Like Father like daughter, I think. Wishing you all the best x x
Dear Steph, I have followed your posts & your lovely pictures on this forum. Your poignant words, as always, are so authentic and speak to the sacred bond you will always have with your beloved Dad. How fortunate you (we) are to have loved and been loved so deeply and unconditionally. However, it is said “the deeper your love, the greater your grief.” Hence, the reason so many of us find ourselves here, in our time of crushing and overwhelming grief. You have come so far and accomplished so much in these 11 months. This is a testament to the strength and resolve your beloved Dad instilled in you.
No doubt he would be proud of you Steph, This grief journey takes every once of courage to face each day, and you are doing it. Well done. Xxxx Sister2 
Hey I lost my mum a year ago in 14 days and like you I feel the same I have endured it I have cleared her house out out and sold it I have planned and done her funeral I am raising her grand babies the best I possibly can but I feel overwhelmed I have such a sense of fear everytime the realisations hits me im never gunna see her again I go to ring her 100 times a day she was my bestest friend im 27 and I lost my dad when I was 15 its such a strange feeling like being alone in world all on your own I have a husband and im so great full for his and my friends support just feel si lost and pointless I miss both off them beyond words death really does suck its so permanently and unfair feel like I have so much off my life to live without her too truly heartbroken
Thank you everyone, and apologies for the long reply. I don’t feel I need to explain how hard it’s been as you all know how anniversaries can feel - it really rips you up and takes you right back to how it was at the start. I got through it though and that feels important.
@Sister2 your reply in particular brings tears to my eyes. Thank you for always being so authentic and kind, what a thought to be so giving when you yourself are still breaking inside. Again, the love you and your sister have is as strong as the bond with my Dad and I’m sure your sister is very very proud of you. You have come so far.
Please keep posting.
Much love to all and thanks again 
x
You are very welcome Steph, 
Here for you any time. I can sense what a lovely, sensitive person you are. Xxxx