A few weeks before my sister passed away she started staying in bed not even getting up for a wee. My eldest sister and my husband were going back and forth and said she was being lazy. Why didn’t I realise this was totally not her. I never went to see her until the day before she was admitted to hospital. She was sent home from that hospital after 24 hours and told to take painkillers. Another 24 hours after that she was taken to a different hospital where all the cancer was found. I missed one day visiting her and that’s because my older sister was going and we don’t talk. If only I had gone to see her at home I may of saved her. I wish it was me and not her. I can’t live without her
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your sister. You were not to know that you sister was unwell. The lead up to Christmas is stressful and tiring and does take it out of people.
It would be helpful if you booked an appointment with your doctor and let them know how you feel and see what support they can offer you and they may be able to answer any questions from a professional point of view for you.
There is a supportive helpful Grief Guide that contains information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief. When you are ready and feel up to it, it would be worth taking a look. There is also a blog on Losing a Sibling which may be of help and support to you at this time.
You do need to be gentle with yourself and take one day at a time. There will be good days and bad days. Grief is a rollercoaster of emotions and a journey to be taken at your pace. I see by your profile that you have family and they are the reason for you to keep going, your sister would want this.
You can also connect with members here by typing in the search bar ‘Loss of a sibling’ who have been in a similar position as yourself. You are not alone, we are all here to support you.
Please take of yourself and continue to reach out any time.