It was the juicer what done it....

Hello my friends, just me, checking in - I hope everyone is ok on this long, dreary Sunday afternoon.

I am moving house at the end of the month - it’s time to leave this rental that I shared with Tom. My new place is lovely, light and nearby my friends and my familiar places. The boxes are here, the bags are here - it is time for me to start to pack, one drawer at a time. Alone.

I made a big start yesterday - clothes, kitchen stuff, no problem. Today, though, it was different. I went to put the juicer in a bag and then, from nowhere, grief. Winded, I had to stop.

I was hit because I remembered buying it and Tom slotting it into place, there on the counter where it has sat ever since - for 5 years. I trudged upstairs, thinking “clearing the socks drawer will help”. Reader, it did not. I have given up for today and have come down here to the desk, to tell you about it as I know you will understand.

Crikey - this is all so hard. This move is the last one for a long time, and I go where Tom was not - so a big step ahead but also away from our lives together.

I reckon when I am in the new place, it will be ok - but it’s the getting there that is going to hurt and I need to be ready for that.

Tomorrow, I head to London to pick up my visa for France - a sliver of light in this gloomy day.

Take care, my friends, take care,

Loads of love,



Aw @Vancouver, these little slips do hurt but you have been so incredibly strong. I know what it’s like to just be caught out. Today, I lit the log burner, first time since he died. It was difficult but needed doing. I cried for 20 minutes hugging his ashes, now I’m done, I’ve brushed myself off.

Everything we do has an edge and that’s ok. We loved them, it’s going to sting. You’re doing amazing and Tom would be so proud of you.

One day I will move, I will leave behind our home and move to a place for me, where my new life will be for me and not everything will remind me of us. It all helps to move forward. Well, I hope so.

Good luck with the move and with getting your visa tomorrow xx


Where are you moving to ? To france. Hope move goes ok for you and you are so brave. I honestly cant even move his stuff yet 10 months in. I cry everytime i do … i dont want to move it yet … i want to still feel him here … until im ready ! I still love him and i cant bear to let go of anything of his yet, because it makes it more real. I know its real but i dont wanna disturb the memory of him, if you know what i mean ? Not until my life is more stable. Cant ! Just cant ! Well done you xxx


Will you move as well ? Mmmm … i don’t think i can yet ? Toy with the idea but its taken me such a long time to just get to where i and i think im pretty settled at the moment. I got a few friends and thought of starting again yet frightens the hell out of me ! Especially alone. Could’ve done it with him but not by myself x


@Vancouver I think you are incredibly brave in how you have dealt with clearing houses and finding somewhere new to live. I’m sure your husband would be proud. I understand how certain things can set you off. I had quite a good week but today my boiler broke down and I had a total meltdown. Feel like I’ve stepped back 6 months. Life is hard now. Take care


I will but not yet. The thought of it is overwhelming right now but I will definitely move in the future.

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Yeh ive toyed with the idea too although dunno where i would move ? Also im not strong enough yet either xx