Its been 3yrs now

November 2016 i lost my mum. Feels like yesterday. I watched her die, gasping for air and foaming in her mouth. We were close.For the life of me i cant accept that she has gone. I know she has but everytime i try to process this, my mind goes into auto mode and shuts that reality out. I dont know if i can call it denial or what. At times i literally find myself shaking my head NO cant think of her dead. Help

I lost mum a year ago yesterday. I’m the same as you. I shake my head in disbelief. She was only 70 and died very suddenly from cancer that no one had picked up on. My mum died mouth wide open trying to take her last breaths. I still can’t believe it. I can hear her voice so clearly as if it were yesterday. And I can’t connect my mum who used to shout out “hello kiddies” and throw her arms wide open for a hug to someone who is dead.

I’m so sorry for your loss. But you’re but alone in your feelings.

It’s weird, but shaking the head is something I too often do. It’s just so sad thinking of what has happened, and I am glad you have come to this place as you will get help here.

And so sorry about your mum’s anniversary @Jooles45, hope you’re doing as ok as you can.

Thank you Abdullah. X

My mum died nearly 3 years ago and until the past month or so, I was being very pragmatic about her death, talking about it matter of factly, I gave cried but not that much although there are times my chest feels tight from unshed tears but I don’t allow myself the time to let go or there are other demands on my time. I find myself wondering if I don’t miss her because I believe in spirit, I feel my mum around me and sometimes smell her cigarette smoke in the car when I’m driving which I find comforting, or I am in complete denial emotionally. Ten days ago I read a great book on grief and grieving which helped and I had a good cry. I woke up today and didn’t want to get out of bed, my body aches and I feel like a tonne weight, just don’t want to move. I am sitting in front of my computer working from home, just wanting to crawl back into bed. I want to work through it but keep distracting myself with meaningless stuff to avoid it. I have just realised I have answered my own question, I am still in denial. I don’t know how to start.

Dear @Veronica1, I am so sorry you lost your lovely mum. Keeping busy is a very good thing but ultimately, the grief will often come back to haunt a person, so please do not think it is abnormal, many people who have suffered a bereavement end up in a similar situation to you. It’s awful when you can’t get out of bed, it happens to me most days, if I am able to drag myself out by 9, it is a good day, hope you manage to feel a bit better as the day progresses, and keep posting here if it helps.

Thank you Abdullah, I keep feeling like I need to do something to unlock my grief but I won’t let myself. I suppose we just keep showing up to life until we are ready to deal with it.