Yes Ann we used to go to pegwell park everyday with our dogs I just can’t bear to go there with all the memories I can’t even look at photos of Steve and his clothes are still in the wardrobe even the garden hurts to go in, as we. Had fun out there with the dogs and our little bantams, all gone. I am hurting so much everyday. I wish someone could say it gets easier
Hello, l feel your pain as each day l wake up, i’m never quite sure how to get through it. l joined this site a few weeks ago as l am in turmoil after loosing my hubby exactly 2 months ago today. He was 2 days away from his 55th birthday. l lost him to covid. To cut a long story short, he caught covid from paying his mother an end of life visit in a care home. Things went downhill very quickly and in the end, it turned out to be a ‘joint funeral service’ with his mother. l have posted it in this section and the title is a joint funeral service, but it is too painful to keep on repeating the details. lt is under loosing a partner and then emotions l think, if you want to read the details. At the moment, l am simply existing. Life does not seem to have much purpose. My children/family have been supportive but nothing will ever replace the void. Lets just keep on with baby steps up and see what tomorrow brings Evexx
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I’m so sorry for your loss it’s such a difficult thing to deal with ( grief)l find it comes in waves and hits you like a brick wall …l loss my husband of 51 years just over 5 months ago
Sending lots of hope and peace
Cheryl
I’ve been lying awake since 3 o’clock this morning after a panic attack, I can’t stop shaking my grief is still so raw. I can’t seem to get my doctors to take it seriously. Does anyone know what I can do to feel just a bit better?
Good morning Cheryl, so sorry for your loss. 5 decades of love is a great achievement to be cherished . l’ve been told the greater the love lost, the more painful and harder the grief. Lets continue to take one day at the time. lt is very hard and l struggle to concentrate with anything at the moment.Thank you for your kind words. We have all taken the first step by joining this forum… Lots of love, Eve xx
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Good morning Mag,
Like yourself, l have tried to get help from my doctor and have got no where and no help which is not ideal when we are all so vulnerable and are simply trying to reach out for some help, to help ease our pain. Try sprinkling some lavender essential oil on your pillow before you go to sleep. Also chamomile tea just before bedtime is supposed to have calming effects. l use these remedies.l often have very bad nights and feel that l have been robbed of my future. l lost my husband 8 weeks ago now after he paid his mother an end of life visit for covid. Everything happened so quickly and there was a joint funeral service for both of them. Try not to think too far ahead. We have to take baby steps. One day at a time. Sending you love and hugs, Eve xx
I too have had a bad night. - thoughts of the funeral next week haven’t helped, along with the realisation that I will never see him again or have him put his arms around me to make me feel safe and loved. I have my first counselling session tomorrow, I just hope it helps. Maybe that is something that you could think about? Sending hugs as I know exactly how you feel.
This is no consolation for the loss we are all going through at the moment but perhaps keeping some ashes back, if it is a cremation to put into a necklace or a ring and then wear this everyday so that our lost loved one is always with us with a significant presence. Eve
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My Steve has been gone for 15 months now, we were together for 43 years I haven’t had a good day since, I did attempt suicide but failed, just ended up in a mental hospital for 3 weeks and then sent home with no follow up, I am so alone, I have no family. If you are offered support take it with open arms, for me the mornings are worse, to see the whole day ahead, empty
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Sending you lots of strength @Mag. I’m so sorry to hear about Steve, I can hear how painful life is feeling since losing him which is understandable to be feeling. I’m hearing how alone you’re feeling and I’m sorry to hear the hospital you went to for help did no follow up. I wanted to share a few organisations with you who you may wish to reach out to for some additional support outside of the community. I hope these are helpful 
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
- If you have any concerns for your health or safety, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.
- If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions at Sue Ryder. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
Keep reaching out for support, we’re all here for you 
Thanks for your reply,we are like a special community here …so thankful for your kind words 
Mag, I too was getting this symptom. Very frightening. I had a large bear purchased from Smythes toys £16…on line…by my daughter.
I called him Mr Cuddles. He is sitting in the chair that my dear hubby use to sit in. I talk to Mr Cuddles, and, I am not ashamed to say, that I take him to bed and sleep with his little tummy touching my back…we use to sleep like that…Bum in Tum…and I do find it a comfort. Whatever you try, please understand, we are all suffering the same torment, and need to feel that we are not alone. Mr Cuddles has lovely eyes and smiles back.Uploading: 20210411_183238.jpg…
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I hope it appears I took a picture for you.
I have a teddy that my parents won and gave to me 50 years ago - she is called Stella. Since my husband died I have started to talk to Stella, tell her all my worries, cry with her. I am still alone but giving Stella a squeeze sometimes helps.
You are very kind but a cuddly toy won’t help me. I do not want to be here, why do people say life is presious it means nothing just going through the motions everyday. Hurt hurt hurt
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Try a Cuddle with a cushion, or if you feel cross and angry that you have lost your soul mate, give it a thump…getting rid of pent up emotions does heal us…we never ever feel like we use to, but to keep the memory alive of our precious times we shared with those that are no longer here, is a strength that they would want us to have. Keep strong.
Hi just a thought but I had a memory bear made from my husbands favourite trousers and jacket.
It has been a tremendous comfort to cuddle up to.
I also had a memory cushion made for my teenage grandson who adored his Grandad.
Just thought it more meaningful than keeping his clothes in the wardrobe.
That way I get to see it it morning noon and night.
Xxx
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That is a super idea…Dragons Den…should be made aware, there is a need for a company who can make us a bear, and to clothe it in something that our loved one use to wear is a really lovely tribute to them. Think of a name to call the company, and I’m sure it would catch on…xxx
Dear Mag
It really is difficult to see a way past this. I too just go through the motions. I do have a son who lives close-by - our daughter lives in the South East - and I visit our little grandsons most days. But I understand the loneliness, the silence and the huge void left by loved ones as I return home each afternoon/evening to an empty house.
I note you have a dog. We had several family dogs but my last was my ‘baby’ and I loved him so much. What type of dog do you have?
same feeling here; I lost my wife 3 March; everywhere I went, I saw the 2 of us together enjoying each other’s company just a few weeks ago…
she was my refuge where I could always find peace and happiness even at time of COVID and social unrest. Now I feel so panicky and vulnerable.