After loosing my parter, my soul mate, my best friend, I just feel like I have no future. I don’t want a future without him.
This time two years ago we were buying furniture and things for the home we’d just bought together. Now he’s gone and I’m selling our home, I just can’t bare to be there without him.
We’d been saving money for a while, next year we were going to have a couple of holidays abroad just me and him then the year after we were going to start a family, he was so excited to be a father one day!
He had great plans to earn more money so we could at some point in the future buy a home somewhere more rural with land.
He had big ambitions but not for himself, for both of us together.
I feel like I just can’t make sense of anything anymore, how can all that just get ripped away at the blink of an eye?
I was woken up by knocking on the door, it was half one in the morning which is the time Joe normally gets in from work, I jumped up half asleep and thought to myself I must of left my key in the door and he can’t get in. I actually ran down stairs excited to see him. I looked out the window to check it was him before opening the door, but his car wasn’t there, a police car was.
They asked to come in and I just froze I couldn’t speak. And thats when they told me. The car registered at this address has been involved in an accident. And I’m sorry to tell you but Joe has died.
I’ve relayed that moment over and over again and I just can’t get it out my head. Its that fact I ran down stairs excited to see him, but he wasn’t there.
I then had to go to his parents house and tell them what had happened to their son.
It’s now three months on and I just keep feeling worse and worse. I’m back living at home with my dad. I’ve stopped crying in front of him because I know when he sees me so upset it makes him upset and I don’t want that.
When will I be able to stop crying myself to sleep?
When will I be able to stop going over and over and over that night?
I can’t bare to look to the future it scares me, there’s so many things I’m dreading. Next.month would of been his 28th birthday, the week after was the date we moved in together.
How can he just be gone.
How on earth do people cope? What the hell am I going to do?