Ive lost 3 family members in 5 months

Losing a parent
#1

2022 has been the worst year i have ever had. My very much loved and adored disabled uncle Al passed away in may. I had been his carer for over 25 years but i helped from a very young age and he was my world. He meant everything to me. He had a learning difficulty amongest other things but i loved unconditionally. When he passed away so suddenly after being in hospital so only 6 nights i just didnt believe it. I still cannot get my head around him not being here and hearing him laugh or see his adorable smile. He was the man who gave me away at my wedding along with my dad. And we were inseparable. We had his funeral and just 3 weeks later i lost my cousin on my birthday from breast cancer which has rapidly spread. With just a few months relief we lost a close family friend august and then end september came and my mums health took a turn for the worse after being diagnosed with skin cancer and later brain cancer she quickly deteriorated and passed away the beginning of october. I cannot say im heartbroken as i feel empty like my heart has been ripped out. Christmas came which was mums favourite time of year and it was just so hard. I didnt feel like celebrating all i wanted was my mum. To tell i loved her and to just be held by her. It was never about presents it was about being together playing bingo and cards and just having a lovely time. The new year came and thinking it would be a better year although obviously we are all very much still grieving for uncle Al and my mum her best friend past away january. It just does seem to end. We just havent seemed to be able to grieve properly for Al before someone else was taken and then my mum i am really struggling. I have been to drs and i have an appointment with a psychologist on 6th april. Which cant come quick enough. I just feel like im stuck in this horrible circle. I see things it starts me off crying. Someones says something i start again i just feel so alone and dont know what to do. I have been put on different antidepressants on monday as my other ones werent doing anything. I feel like i just wanna curl up and not wake up. Or if i do this be a dream. My hubby is supportive but sometimes i want to scream or be left alone and not have explain over and over again why im upset or if he can do anything. He has aspergers so its so hard to not lose my temper but i know its not his fault. We didnt know he has aspergers till about 8 years ago i knew something wasnt right from working with people with autism but wasnt expecting it. So that has been hard. I just dont know where to turn what to do and who to talk too and my friend whom has been like a mum to me she is grieving herself from the loss of her husband we met about 9 months ago sge has been absolutely amazing and has been there day or night when she can be and i cannot thank her enough. I will be eternally grateful. But she thinks talking to others may be able to help so here i am. Thanks for reading my apologies for it being long

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#2

Hello @Trinao,

I’m Seaneen, and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry for all the losses you have endured in the last year - that is so much to cope with. It is completely understandable that you’re feeling you haven’t been able to grieve properly for your losses; you’ve not had the time at all to even catch your breath and absorb what has happened by the sounds of it. You are feeling alone but I want to reassure you that you are not alone; most of our members have experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you’re going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope that your psychologist appointment is helpful, too.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Seaneen

#3

@Trinao really sorry for your horrible time you are going through. I have found the people on this site to be really supportive and non-judgement. Loss of someone close to us is really hard to cope, but when it happens multiple times i know this is like a sledge hammer nailing you to the floor. I too after the loss of my soulmate was told before Christmas my nephew Arron who is 6yrs old has a terminal brain tumours. Arron managed to get through Christmas which i praised the lord but this is now a waiting game. A few weeks ago my wife’s sister has just been told she cannot have her operation due to her not surviving the anaesthetics. Her heart has swollen as so again the outlook isn’t good. Do not apologies and keep posting as we are all here for you.

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#6

Thank you for your message. It really means a lot. I am so sorry about you loss and your nephews diagnosis and your sister in laws. I does feel like ive been hit with a hammer. Its hard to explain this emptiness and anger. And not just because i will never see them again. My half sister and her son caused so much grief at the hospital where we were told uncle Al was only allowed 1 lot of visitors a day regardless that he was on end of life. They would turn up while we were there knowing that the hospital had these rules in place. For the hospital then to say we were only allowed to go on certain days and times. To where my poor uncle Al having a learning difficulty passed away on his own from pneumonia and kidney failure agmost other things failing. What is really hard for me to come to terms with is he must of been so frightened and wondering where i was as i made a promise i would be there with no matter what andnid never leave him alone and they made it so i couldnt keep my promise and he must of been so scared. And im really really struggling with that.
As for my mum i know it was the best thing for her. None of us wanted her to suffer however you never have enough time no matter how long you have. She was having a type of seizure (not epilesy ) the week before and it was horrible she looked so frightened and disorientated it was heartbreaking. Her passing was so nice well as nice as could be. She was alone with my dad holding her hand and talking to her. And she went with the one she loved right there with her. At first we couldnt cry because it was so lovely. So for that i am truly thankful. But the feeling of loss and emptiness and the one person i would go to when i was down or needed help and she isnt here. I do hope that makes sense and does not upset anyone as that is not at all my intention. She really did hold the family together and the extended family also. So the heartache is nothing ive ever experienced. Even when i lost all my grandparents in 18months when i was 15 this is something else. How does everyone cope and what do you do to have some time grieve where you arent upsetting other loved ones

#7

I am so sorry for your losses Trinao, I cant imagine how it is to loose 3 of your lovely family so quickly. It must feel SO overwhelming . I lost my sister and my father a few years ago and then lost my husband in January very suddenly. I do hope the psychologist is able to help you, and I am so glad you have a friend you can turn to for support. There are so many of us here struggling with our loss but find comfort here in this community I hope you can continue to share your feelings with us too. Sending you love and hugs xx

#8

The worst part for me is the one person i could turn too no matter what is gone. We watched the person that held the family and extended family together become a mear shell of herself. As her brain tumor took her away. She didnt evem who who we were i dont think coming to the end. And for your own parent not to know your name is well i cant even put in words. X i know im not the only one to lose a parent and everyone on here is here for a reason. However losing 3 family members in 5 months 2 of which were very much loved and adored and also to lose 2 very close family friends as well is just too much for anyone i think to cope with without some sort of help. So i am trying x

#9

@Trinao So many losses of dear ones it almost takes my breath away. I cant imagine how that feels, and no amount of words will ever be enough. Just to let you know that we are here to listen and give your strength and support on your journey. Do take care xx

#10

Hi Trinao,
Ive not much to add that oters haven’t said already but having so many losses would tip anyone over the edge (in such a short space of time).
You’re right that its so tough losing your mum. The one person we turned to when other hard stuff in life happened, has gone. We then ask Where to go now ?
Mazza x

#11

Exactly. And dont get me wrong i can talk to my dad sister brother hubby and close friends but its not the same. And being poorly myself doesnt help. I have fibromyalgia, SAD and have suffered with depression but nothing like this. The weather doesnt help. Its been snowing here so havent been able to go anywhere even if i felt up to it. I get panicky if i have to go out unless i work my self up to go. I feel sick and shakey and so i feel safe and comfortable staying at home. My door is open for anyone wishing to pop in and visit im just not up to going myself. Plus crying in there presence all the time they would probably get peeved off with it xx at least at home i can feel comfortable x