I've lost my husband

Hy husband passed away in October this year.
I’m struggling to get to grips with it
We we’re together for 50 yrs, I was 15 when we met, in time we had there kids, 11 grandchildren and 4 Great grand kids.
My husband has had cancer of the opshegus since December 2016, because he had a metel aortic heart valve and c.o.p.d. an operation wasn’t an option, he was having halo treatment which he tolerated well and it was keeping it at bay, he was meant to have more halo in march this year but his note’s were lost therefore he didn’t get the halo, they took biopsy and because of covid he had to wait till October till treatment by which time they had turned cancerous and he was taken in in the beginning of October for a procedure called an EMR he was home for a few days after then he started to bleed, he was on warfarin so the bleed was catastrophic, he was taken to theatre to see where the bleed was but passed away on the table.
Because of covid I wasn’t allowed to stay with him and the thought of him suffering on his own till my daughter managed to get to him is just killing me
I miss him so much, I wasn’t able to say bye and tell him that I love him.

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Hello Sally.sally,

I’m so sorry to hear about the very recent death of your husband . It sounds as though things were very difficult for you.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

Another good place to get support is Cruse Bereavement, they offer a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services.

Please continue to post on the forum, our wonderful members will pick up your post and I am confident will respond to you.

Take care,
Online Community team

Dear Sally.sally
Please accept my deepest condolences. Maybe some people have told you this phrase, but i am feeling you sorrow honestly.

Unfortunately many people in here are struggling due to the lost of a loveone . It is not easy, recognise that we are struggling is not a weakness it is to be honest here we don’t have pretent to be coping and live like our live is ok.
Sally feel proud of your husband and yourself both manage to have a family and see a great gran children, which is a a great achievement.
To be candid i haven’t read or heard about halo treatment but i am glad hear that he respond well and managed up to this year.

I am really sorry to learnt that “they lost his note’” these people supose to be professionals with good salaries.
They suppose to be caring for others and try to do their best, unfortunately your husband had to suffer the consequences of this mistake so no treatment at the right time.
I think it was good for you both that he went back home so you could see him and be close to him.

Probably he did not feel any pain as he would have been sadated for the operation.
He knew that you love him, and probably his last thought was for you and family knowing that all of you love him.
To say goodbye it is important for many of us, it is for me i couldn’t say bye to my husband too but i try to find consolation thinking that he knew i would have been with him if I was allowed to be by his side
Sally you were together 50 years, he knew you love him, he knew that you were thinking of him.
I am afraid that there is nothing that take the pain in our heart away. But stay here because we know that grieve is not easy.
Send you hugs xx

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Hello Sally, I’m so.sorry for your loss x I hope that you can find comfort in the site. It is bitter sweet for me, one minute I am able to take on board others loss and have empathy an d understanding … the next, I.am so.wrapped up in my own grief, I can not take on board the grief of others. We are all in deep states of grief which I feel is almost disabling emotionally, I.am.currently emotionally disabled, my resilience is low, my tolerance is compromised x x Its 4.5 weeks since I.lost my husband, we only married in August and he was.or appeared well, we had no idea. He had had tonsil cancer in.2018 which was.treated and.cleared … we were loving our lives ,.its so.sad.but no sadder or.heart breaking than your loss. I feel so blessed.to.have had 5 years with him, we had such a great time, so much fun, a dram.free easy relationship x How lucky.x x I hope you can take.some.comfort and begin to look at all those years you had x it may take some time x dont be scared to break your own heart with memories x I am thinking of you Sally x


Thank you for your kind words
I am so sorry for your loss of your husband, it must be the hardest thing that a partner has to deal with, you don’t get over it but learn to live with it.
Yes, he was sedated when he passed which was the kindest thing for him, because for him to have had a cancer death would have been truly awful for all of my family and myself, the cancer wasn’t going to go away, unfortunately, this was his third bleed due to a procedure, he nearly lost his life twice before in a space of a year, the only difference being I stayed with him the whole time, but because of covid that wasn’t the case this time, so I’m living with the guilt of not saying that I loved him before he went to theatre, I didn’t even say goodbye before he went on the ward, I thought maybe I would have been in to see him settled on ward, that didn’t happen.
Five years, fifty years loss is loss, I sincerely hope that you start to feel better soon even though we will never really be the same people ever again.