I've lost my mum but feel nothing

I lost my mum unexpectedly on Wednesday and I’m struggling to feel anything.
Her death was a shock and unfortunately it was me and my sister who found her after we had to break into her house on Wednesday evening due to her not answering her phone. We knew it wouldn’t be good news as all the lights were off, the curtains were all closed and her bedroom door was shut.
When we went upstairs we found her lying dead on the floor of her bedroom. She had clearly been there all day. She was freezing cold to touch.
Initially I cried but since then it’s been hard to feel anything. I get the odd burst of emotion but nothing like the painful ache I felt after we lost my Dad when he died of cancer.

Everyone keeps telling me how hard it should be. I feel like I don’t deserve their sympathy and kindness as I’m not really grieving in that way. I was speaking to my husband about returning to work tomorrow and he said it’s far too soon as it hasn’t even been a week but I feel like a fraud because I haven’t cried much or felt much at all.

I feel ridiculous as I was more upset when the queen died and I don’t understand why that is. It makes me feel absolutely awful and like I didn’t love my mum which I know I do but my mind doesn’t seem to think that.
My 8 year old had a bigger reaction to losing mum than me. He got really upset when we were looking through some photos we found the other day but again I felt nothing.
My husband is being so caring and I’m sure he’s wondering why I haven’t broken down or anything yet.

I feel like a terrible person for not feeling anything. It’s not that I want to go through the pain of a loss of a parent again but I feel like I should be feeling something by now.

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Hello @LilMia, I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. Thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling.

There is no right or wrong way to feel after the death of a loved one. With such a recent, and sudden loss, feeling numb and in shock is to be expected. Shock and numbness are both common feelings in grief, particularly in the immediate aftermath of someone dying. You may feel foggy; unable to process or understand what has happened, and you might not be able to control how your body reacts. For example, some people might not be able to stop crying, while others might not be able to cry at all. With the death of your dad, it may be that as he had cancer before he died, you had some time to experience feelings of anticipatory grief.

I want to reassure you that what you are feeling is normal, and that you are not alone.

I am sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share this from our Grief Guide with you. Feeling numb. This page also talks about Understanding reactions to loss. You may find some comfort and understanding reading through this.

Please do keep reaching out,


I’m so sorry for your loss.Grief hits everyone differently.Theres no right way to feel.I know that’s a cliche and what everyone says.

You are not a terrible person.Losing your mum unexpectedly must have been a shock and you only lost her Wednesday.I wish I could say something that would help.I lost my mum last February and I prayed and hoped she would survive but her body was too weak and she died of aspiration pneumonia after having a stroke in Hospital.It was unexpected for me.Take care.

I just wanted to reach out to say I understand in some way what you’re going through…I lost my mum in October, 8 weeks after having my little girl, and have found it hard to feel like I’m grieving. I’m speaking to a mental health nurse who says it’s ok to not feel like you’re grieving the “normal” way, as there is no normal way. I don’t know what the answer is, just here to say you’re not alone Xx