Ive lost my soul patner

This is my first post on this forum. I would like to share my experience, feelings and views etc on the grieving process.
My dear wife and soul partner passed away last September, just 4 short weeks shy of our golden wedding anniversery. She had been ill for a number of years with various problems , but passed eventually through cancer. I was her full time carer for the last few years of her illness, a task i gladly undertook, although a great stress at times, it was also a pleasure to serve her, we alway had been inseparable . Now theres a massive void in my life. I have , over the last 6 months, been trying to come to grips with this new single life ,as I now have to lead ,after 55 odd years of being a l couple. It is very hard indeed . We did everthing together, brought up a family built a good loving life together etc.
My wife had a kidney transplant in 1989 that was still strong when she passed .Prior to that we went through a long period of home dialisis which , at the time, brought us even more closer together as a couple/ family
Now i feel rearlly lost in life, althouth its helping that winter is receading slowly - that was a bad period- but I still feel very lost and in very empty zone , trying to find a purpose in a very uncertail future .I have a good family, good social network and friends, but I carnt seem to come to grips with this massive empty feeling and a life now without a real purpose at the moment. Everything seems a massive chore to do . I feel , after 6 months, still very fatigued and exhausted in day to day life .

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I can’t offer much help I’m afraid but I too am 6 months in. I just want to say I feel exactly the same as you. It’s truly awful! Nice to know we aren’t alone and we are somewhat normal. I always think “should I be feeling better than I am?” I also wonder if the waves of extreme pain are still natural, they feel as if they could take me under at times.

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Hello @ball78 I’m so sorry that your wife and soul partner has died. It’s so hard to carry on without that special person by your side. When you have been caring for someone with an illness, you not only lose that person when they die but you lose the role of the carer. This can have an even greater impact on your life. It is fourteen months since my lovely husband died and I wish I could say to you that things have got better for me but unfortunately I still find daily life a struggle without him by my side. I do hope that you will find a purpose moving forward. Wishing you well.x

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@ball78
I’m so sorry you have suffered this terrible loss. I hope you will find some support on here; there are plenty of people who will understand what you are going through although many who didn’t have as long together as you and your dear wife. The hole in your life must be huge and there is no easy way to adjust.

For me it was the sudden loss of my 60 year old husband of almost 29 years. He was slim, strong, fit and seemingly very well when he went out to play his weekly football. He suffered a coronary embolus and never reached hospital until after death, although that was where they put it down as.

Someone put a link to information about how our brains have to rewire following a bereavement which made so much sense to me and explained the tiredness. I’ll try and find the post and link you in to it.

It’s coming towards a year since I lost my darling husband and I do have a life now even though it’s still very hard at times and tears are often not far below the surface. I also have better days and have fun with my daughters and friends.

Keep posting as you feel the need and you will find good advice I’m sure.
Love
Karen xxx

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Thanks to those that have replyed to my first post. I rearlly do appreciate your replies.
It is a great help to me that I am not alone, a feeling that has followed me round for some months now. Today, for some reason, has been a paticually bad one, hence my need to reach out, I will continue now to communicate, so thank you all

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I’m really glad you’ll continue to reach out, @ball78. I’m just letting you know that I merged your new thread with this one, so people could see your reply here.

Take care,
Seaneen

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