Well it’s 3 in the morning and lying here wide awake. Cannot stop thinking of my partner Steve and what our lives together should be. I just want to close my eyes and never wake up as it seems that is the only way this pain and grief will not hurt anymore. So lonely without him he was my world for 39 wonderful years. 
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I’m new to the site so don’t know how it works. But I’m guessing any response “angle” is allowed…
I can’t offer wisdom as I haven’t been where you are. All those years together seems like quite an achievement, so congrats.
I saw something, somewhere, where it said the aim of grieving, and the process in general, is not to complete the grief and move on, but to learn simply how to cope with it, day to day.
I joined just now, my granddad died in 2005.
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Hi,
My name is actually Kirsty, though here I am called Christie. My husband died on 15th September 2020, that was 18 years after we first met. So your grief is more than twice what mine is.
I am struggling to cope with grief. Over the last 6 months, I spent at least 6 weeks in shock, disbelieve. Jim walked into the hospital on 11th August, he had been to A&E in July, although he was discharged the very same day. He had a CT scan of his brain, which showed calcification in his brain stem, which the radiologist dismissed as evidence of a prior stroke. That was a mistake because he had a double history of strokes via his mother and father. That should have resulted in an admission to the Acute Medical Unit. If that had been done, Jim would be alive now.
He died because of brain stem glioma, which is a treatable condition. However for some bizarre reason he was sent from the AMU to the acute stroke unit. Again, I am afraid that was negligence. I attended a ward round there on Monday morning. The doctor who was a consultant we had previously seen at the local private hospital where he diagnosed me with cervical myelopathy, told me he couldn’t remember us. Because we had switched insurance companies I remembered him, because I personally paid his bill, £175. Which is why I am going to ask him to send me a cheque for £175.
He specialises in Multiple Sclerosis, which is why he was totally confused by my husband, who had a brain stem glioma.
I can’t write anymore. It is all just too sad, and too much to say on a public forum.
I hope you will find some help here. We all care and we all try to support each others. We are sibling in grief.
Love, Kirsty xxx
I am so sorry that you are here, but Sue Ryder provides online bereavement counselling, please join ASAP.
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Dear Kirsty
I am so sorry for your loss. No matter how long we are with our loved ones the pain is unbearable.
I lost my husband in September - road traffic accident. Like yourself I cannot say too much about the incident on a public forum. But I have been in a state of shock, disbelief and devastation since. I just wish he had not gone out that day.
In March it will be our 39th wedding anniversary, together 43 years. I have no future, everything has been taken away on that fateful day. I have gave notice at work, I cannot even remember my own name some days, let alone try to function at work.
This forum offers support from those who unfortunately know only too well what we are going through.
Take care.
Sheila x