Jealous

Why do i feel jealous all the time when i see other couples together its not rational. Today i was in a cafe and a couple on next table were holding hands as they should ,but i felt so sad and envious i had to leave felt tears coming . Am i normal? . Also my best friend is in hospital having her first baby and i feel jealous ,happy for her of course and can’t wait to see the little one ,but i feel embarrassed to feel like this. i was never a jealous person before i lost my darling husband so why now. I feel i dont want to see anyone now incase they notice and think im mad maybe i am. Im so confused .

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No you are not going mad. it is natural to feel jealous. I often do. We have lost our world, our future plans and dreams, our lovely soul mates. Our emotions are all over the place and will be for a very long time. I been told in time we grow around our grief then something will trigger and we will go back and forward like a roller coaster.
Your friend should understand how you are feeling. Tell her that you feel jealous. If she is a good friend then she will understand how you are feeling. Hopefully you can support each other. Take care and big hugs xx

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Thankyou its nice to think I’m not the only one feeling this way.

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Don’t worry about feeling this way, I also feel like this when I see a couple, I think to myself do you know what heartbreak you will have in the years to come.
If we didn’t find our soulmates we would be even more lonely than we are now.
The saying is right, it is better to have loved than not loved at all.
I will love my husband to the day I die and be with him again, then I will love him a load more.
Just hold on to you happy memories and lean on your family and friends when you need them. Don’t forget we are your friends now, sending love and hugs xx

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Dear Misprint, I know that feeling very well. I went to Lakeside a few weeks ago and as I was waiting for my bus as an elderly woman approached me asking if that bus is going to Grays’s train station and I said, yes. So she started talking about how she went with her husband (who was sitting on a bench) to the Apple store and that they bought a tablet etc. I smiled I just said how nice but the truth was that I wanted to scream at her saying shut up, I will never go anywhere with my husband again. And then I saw him helping her on the bus and I wanted to scream again and cry but I did not do anything like this. I smiled at them and my heart was full of sadness and despair. I know it is not anyone’s fault but it does hurt every time I see a couple. I think it is a completely normal reaction because we are grieving and know what we lost forever. Sending lots of love and hugs.

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I feel exactly the same after the loss of my wife i see couples old and young and get very upset and say to myself i can’t do that anymore no hand to hold no cuddles i try not to take any notice but there everywhere and i also say to my self good luck to you and take care of each other

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I feel exactly the same, I cannot bear to see couples holding hands. The first time I saw an elderly couple holding hands after my husband died I cried for over an hour. I knew I would never do that again with the one I loved more than life & I would never get to be old with him. The last time I held anyone’s hand was when my mum held my hand going to the car following his coffin to the crem & into the crem. How sad is that. I have tears in my eyes typing this, it is nearly 2 years for me and I still miss him so much, he was my other half - so part of me is missing.

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I feel exactly the same. Couples holding hands just set me off - I actually feel a physical reaction. So painful. And friends who are still doing things with their partners…it’s very hard to deal with. I find myself avoiding people and situations.

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I know what you mean . I have shut myself off from everyone its so painful watching couples enjoying themselves i get so jealous. Its just over 3 years since i lost my husband and i feel i am going backwards not forwards the grief is unbearable x

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It’s so hard, isn’t it? And people don’t understand unless they’ve been in our situation. So sorry to hear that you’re struggling - I feel like things are never going to change and that is scary.

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I never thought it would be so hard. I never thought about how you also grieve for the life you had not just the person. Nobody knows until they have to face the same situation we are in

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Yes as i said in my earlier message very upsetting isn’t it a shame that we can’t all meet up and hold hands wouldn’t that be lovely xxx

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It would be amazing being with other people who totally understand what its like

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Yes it really would, wouldn’t it.

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