Joanne

On Christmas Eve 2019, I lost my wonderful mother-in -law, she was my absolute best friend , we were so close and saw each other every day.
On what should have been a really happy festive time, our Christmas suddenly turned into the worst nightmare, my husband and I had taken her out for lunch and then to see a Christmas film at the cinema. After the film had finished my mother in law and I walked back to the car park where my husband had run on ahead to fetch the car, out of the blue and with no warning my beloved mother in law suffered a massive cardiac arrest and died in my arms ! What followed was pure pandemonium, pareamedics, passers by everywhere, paramedics worked on her for 45 mins on the pavement, giving her six shots of adrenaline and mouth to mouth resuscitation etc!
My mother in law had no ill health, but had had some very upsetting news a week earlier; which we greatly believe affected her.
My overriding emotions have been of utter shock, devastation of losing her, and feeling so so sad that she is no longer here.
I am struggling to comprehend everything, and my mind is consumed with grief, whilst everything/everyone is carrying on I can’t seem to think about anything else.
I miss and love her so very much❤️

Hi Dolly. Welcome.
You know you have come to the right place for help and support. Everyone here knows about grief. Don’t we just!!!
The circumstances of your loss are awful. Sudden death is so devastating and just when we think all is well suddenly it’s not. I would suggest it’s one of the worse forms of bereavement. The trauma of seeing someone suffer in that way and so suddenly can’t be described. Although the pain is not diminished in the end, if we have some warning of an impending problem it does often help to adjust just a little more, although the pain is still there. Sudden death gives us no such respite. Loneliness and isolation are strong feelings at this time. We feel the whole world should weep at our devastating loss. You will find so much help and comfort here.
You have lost a dear friend. Adjustment will be difficult. Take it one day at a time. Ask what would she have wanted for you.
Come back and talk whenever. we are all here and always good listeners.
Take care. John.

Hi dolly,
I’m sorry about your mother in law.
My mum died suddenly in june and my partner us almost as devastated as I am. He and my mum had a lovely relationship.
My mum had apparently good health but died of a sudden brain haemorrhage. She was just 74 and we thought she would be with us for 20 more years.
My mum had a post mortem and we learnt that mum had alot of issues that we had no idea about, including her. She had an enlarged aorta, blocked arteries, atherosclerosis and evidence of a historic heart attack. It was such a shock.
Did your MIL have a PM?
As much as I hated her having it, it did give us answers that were not evident in her life. She was so highly functioning and ran the household
Cheryl x

Hi Dolly,
I know the mental / physical pain unfortunately as well. It feels like a wave is drowning you and there is no escape hatch.
My father passed last summer in his sleep, also of a cardiac arrest, he also had no health issues to speak of. I played tennis with him for a few hours just 2 days prior. Shock and devastation do not even describe it. Its more like terror, adrenaline, and crushing mental anguish. We struggle to understand it. I can tell you for sure that the horrible feelings that you have now do pass and get replaced with a more dull sadness that can be pushed down if needed. Your focus does return and a bit of your oldself will emerge. It takes time and sometimes a trigger like trying something new.
Ell

Thank you so much for your kind words

Thank you, yes she did have a pm which concluded cardiac arrest

Thank you for your reply

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