Joint funeral service

Hello everyone,

l have just joined this site because l feel so alone . l am a covid widow. l lost my Husband to covid on 13th February, so just over 6 weeks ago. it was so unexpected. He had called me the night before to say goodnight as he had been sat in his chair on hydro oxygen during the day in icu. He even had a 3 course hospital meal. What compounds my burden of grief are the circumstances that led to my Husband catching the virus. He went to pay his Mother an end of life visit at a care home in Somerset. The visit was prolonged and l have since found out that the only PPE he was given was an apron and the flimsy blue mask.

His Mothers funeral was postponed whilst he was in hospital, hoping he would recover. He didn’t and we ended up having to hold a joint funeral service for both Mother and Son, my Husband. l got that fateful phone call around 3am to come in and say goodbye because they had had to ventilate him. and he suffered organ failure. l was hyperventilating as l phoned a neighbour at 3am to drive me in as l was on my own and in no fit state to drive. He was still on the ventilator when l arrived and the staff were compassionate. l tried to tell him l loved him but his heart sadly gave up within 40 minutes, l was in shock, disbelief . l had spoken to him hours earlier and he sounded quite optimistic . l even felt he would get moved out of icu to a normal ward within days. How can things change so quickly and cruelly. l feel robbed as l don’t feel like l have a purpose anymore.

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@eveham, just wanted to say hello. There are a lot of other people here that have lost people to covid. My partner died very suddenly, not from covid. Most of us are very lost and lonely, and really struggling to cope. Hopefully as you read through the different sections you will realise that others are feeling similar feelings to your own, and that you are not alone in your grief on this site. There are no answers really, we have to just do what we can. The over-riding way of coping seems to be to not look far ahead, and to just try and get through day by day. Sometimes people say things and you realise that you haven’t dealt with that, but it needs doing. I now try and go for a walk more often, following on from seeing how it helped someone else. We are all different, and dealing with it differently, but are all hurting. Sometimes it helps to put things on here, other times it helps to read that you are not the only one going through hell. Sending you a virtual hug.

This is so so sad and the what ifs will be there all the time .
The people at the place his mum was at are responsible
Have you thought of contacting a solicitor to launch a complaint about the PPE ?
It is so horrendous for us all
I am not sure how we go forward
Lynn x

Good morning Lynn and thank you for responding to my post. l am so broken at the moment. No l have not contacted a solicitor because nothing will really bring my Hubby back. Yes l am also very angry with the care home and for their negligence. You hear on the news every day about care homes not allowing visitors into the home to visit their loved ones. My Husband and his Sister were both allowed in for an end of life visit to their Mother. She had covid, and was 82. l wasn’t there myself but they were both allowed to spend nearly 30hrs with her before she passed away wearing flimsy aprons and the standard blue mask. They both spent the day and night in her room with a window open. Even though l wasn’t comfortable with the situation , l could not stop my Husband paying his Mother an end of life visit. They didn’t want their Mother to die alone. Only the home had the authority and the power to cut the visit short and or supply adequate ppe. His Sister had received the jab a week or so earlier so even though they both caught covid, she got away with fairly mild symptoms… After the visit he then had to self isolate to protect me. After 7 days in self isolation he was taken to hospital in an ambulance as his symptoms got worse. Every day of his isolation was a living hell for me, not knowing what to expect as l left food outside the door and tried to observe him from outside his window. Always dreading the worse from that first visit in the morning. He was able to walk assisted to the ambulance but he was on oxygen. He had an oxy meter and was able to read his oxygen saturation levels which had scarily dropped to 86 when he phoned me that evening. As scared as l was when he was taken to hospital in the ambulance, l thought he would be okay with the aid of some oxygen and back home soon. The next time l got to see him was to say goodbye as lay in a induced coma from being ventilated as his organs were shutting down. Eve xx

Thank you for your kind response. l just sit here wondering what to do next and how to move forward. Sending you hugs xx

It is sad situation a joint funeral, and how fast he lost his life. 6 weeks, probably you are in shock still, so give time to yourself, moving forward takes time dont feel pressure to get over the lost of your husband.
Counselling maybe could be beneficial or talking with a friend who really give you support.
Stay in this community it helps.
Regards

Thank you for your kind words. My neighbors have been immensely supportive. When you can call on your neighbor at 3am to take you to hospital because you’ve just had that dreaded phone call to come in and say good bye to your loved one you know you have a friend for life. It also restores faith in humanity. Another bad very restless night. x

Hello

They are a good neighbours. It is good you have their support.
I come across with this webpage i have not tried it but it is a bereavement support bereavementcounselling@sfh.or.uk
it might help you.
what is important is to try to sleep and rest
Regards

There are so many on here who have lost partners to covid.
It’s 5 months since my Geoff died, very similar to you. He had been ill at home for 8 days but then began to struggle breathing and was taken to hospital. He was in hospital for 13 days on high dependency ward and we face timed every day. He was on a cpap mask to start with but began to get better. He was told that he would be moving onto a normal covid ward as he was improving, but it was not meant to be. I spoke to him on Sunday night about 9pm and said I would call next day.
9 o clock Monday morning I got called from the hospital to say he had taken a turn for the worse and he was being put on a ventilator.
By the time I got there he was already ventilated and the doctor told me there was nothing they could do for him as his lungs were full of covid. He died at 4.55pm from multiple organ failure. Like you I think why, how? He was getting better.
You are not alone here, it has helped me so much knowing I’m not alone and others understand how I feel.
Love and hugs :hugs: Jacky